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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: They try to break our spirit with our childlren
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, June 28th (Friday)

I have been so strong and positive and NC and 180 with NPA XWH. Now he is starting all sorts of bs with me about our children. (Not taking them to music lessons, having OW spend nite - against div papers, talking them out of sports, not taking them on a vacation after they were hyped for it, etc etc.)

It hit me recently, that this is the ONLY way he can engage me. He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me. Well,, guess what? I'm going back to NC and only IF I absolutely have to talk to him will he get my attention.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 2:46 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1967 | Registered: Jan 2012
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Good for you. You might also want to file a contempt charge being he is not following the D decree. The only way to deal with these assholes is to fight fire with the biggest damn hose you can find.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Nov 2007
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Sadly, I suspect after reading here that those clauses (keeping kids away from AP) really don't have any teeth and are unenforceable.

He is really a moron. While he is screwing with you, or else so self-absorbed he is clueless... he is actively destroying his relationship with them, teaching them that they can not trust what he says, he will not put them first.

Engaging won't help. Staying NC is a good plan. Just support the kids and their feelings of betrayal and neglect. They are learning a hard thing - they can't depend on Dad.

But it will be okay cause they have you!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, June 28th (Friday)

My kids therapist put it very nicely to my kids once when they were complaining about my XH pulling stuff (like yours) with them.

It is very sad that your dad's dislike for your mom clouds his love for you.

She told me she didn't want to use the word hatred or rage in telling the kids. and she didn't want to use the word outweighs instead of clouds. She wanted the kids to have hope that one day they would have a relationship with him.

They do have one... but it is no where near what he had when he started playing these games.

Your energy is needed in supporting your kids, no matter what attention you give your X, your kids will still be suffering and you will have less energy to deal with them in a healthy way. Save your energy for the ones that need it and will appreciate it.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4850 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, June 28th (Friday)

I came to the same realization last night/this morning. They're not worth it. NC all the way.

I feel terrible for the children that get stuck in these messes, but at the end of the day as long as we do all we can to be their rocks, they're going to be just fine.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 28th (Friday)

What a complete jerk. I'm so sorry for you & your kids. My STBX also refuses to cooperate when it comes to the children's activities. It's so bad I cant even enroll them in anything. Which, upon reading your situation, might be for the best, since I would become enraged if he took them out of an activity after they were already participating.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9290 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 28th (Friday)

He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me.

Would it shock you to believe his behavior isn't about you? Maybe he didn't take the kids on vacation because he's selfish and cheap? Maybe he talked them out of sports because he's lazy and cheap. Maybe the OW spends the night because she's a whore? Maybe he doesn't take them to music lessons because his head is so far up his ass he can't see the clock or hear the alarm to get there on time?

NC is still a grand idea!


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Ladies first,


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1967 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 8