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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Kids stressed that S.T.B.X. may die soon
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

I am unsure how to comfort/assure my kids on this subject. STBX recently had some heart attacks (which he blamed me for causing due to divorce stress, and even told the kids this). Since then he has returned to work and all normal activities, however he's been telling the kids that the medication the doctor gave him isn't working, he's been getting lots of chest pains, he may need to have his heart operated on. Whether or not this is true (that he's still this ill) is debatable, since he's a proven liar due to his NPD. He has continually used the children since separation to get his ego kibbles from, at times completely tearing their minds apart with his blatant emotional manipulation (had to get my lawyer involved to stop it).

My kids are now scared shitless that he's going to die. I mean nightmares, insomnia, daytime tears & drama scared.

I don't even know how to begin handling this. Our next family counseling session isn't for a couple weeks.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

he's been telling the kids that the medication the doctor gave him isn't working, he's been getting lots of chest pains, he may need to have his heart operated on

Even if it's true, he has NO business inflicting this kind of trauma on the kids. Cruel as hell.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

It's just so abusive for him to do that to them.

I have no advice, I just wanted to give you a hug.

ETA: The hug: (((NG)))

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 3:03 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]


Posts: 11401 | Registered: Mar 2008
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

Do I go back to my lawyer & request intervention AGAIN? Do I request a session with our family counselor to get guidance? I don't even know what to do or say. I want to confront STBX and tell him to knock it off, but of course that will be futile. I'm simply stunned at his blatant emotional abuse of the children. AGAIN.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

Family counselor.
And ask her privately at what point she is mandated to report emotional abuse....


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13565 | Registered: Jul 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

(((Kids)))

He should know better than to dump something that heavy on them. I would try to move up the counseling and give the counselor a heads up prior to the appt.


Posts: 33909 | Registered: Mar 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

Okay, just left a VM for the counselor, but of course this is a holiday week coming up... Lord, this is killing me knowing that STBX is again deliberately hurting the children.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

Your stbx should be called spongebob jackass pants.

Please give your kiddos a hug for me.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:39 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]


Posts: 33909 | Registered: Mar 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

(((N_G)))

You are a tower of strength. I hope you and your kids can see the counselor ASAP.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

You know, as you go through life you hear about parents who mindfuck their children, and you shake your head and wonder if the story is actually true, how could someone be like that how could anyone treat a child like that let alone their own flesh & blood...

And then when it happens to you. When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

WTF? WTF???


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

What a gigantic POS. I'm so sorry your kids are having to deal with his crap. Whether it's true or not, that idiot should know that he needs to confide in an ADULT not small children.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

that idiot should know that he needs to confide in an ADULT not small children.

I know, right??? In fact, it was exactly a year ago when I had to get my lawyer involved to force STBX to stop emotionally abusing the kids. Here we are again!

ETA: That phrase you used is almost word-for-word what my lawyer had to spell out for STBX's lawyer to make it clear that he needs to talk to an adult, not children.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 4:14 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

The SpongeBob crack gave me LOL, thank you, I needed it!

I heard this from Happy Pants (formerly Perv) as part of his having to get away from me. He told me I was causing him heart problems and I was why he had high blood pressure and horrible eating habits. Not a grown man's bad habits.

What he was having were panic attacks, because OW was pushing him to leave his marriage and he was too weak-minded and too weak in the pants to try for M for real.

I have had panic attacks my entire life and they mirror heart attacks. I'm not trying to minimize Nature Girl's Wh's attacks, just to say this is ringing a bell of familiarity.

He should really button that yap around your kids and I'm really sorry for their added stress. I can't stand to see or hear kids stressed by adult's stupidity.

Happy Pants has done that in lesser ways, like telling DD of a plan that isn't even certain to happen, so her hopes rise and then fall and it creates added stress for her.

I'm sorry, Nature Girl.

I agree with the posts that say to ask a counselor and I'm glad you did. It's hard to sit and wait and see things happen to our kids.

You sound like a good mom.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

I would have them see their IC and then bring it up at your next court hearing. It probably won't do any good to say something to him.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4695 | Registered: Feb 2008
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, June 30th (Sunday)

When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

I feel you girl. It's just not fair, to you or the children..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2004 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, June 30th (Sunday)

You know, as you go through life you hear about parents who mindfuck their children, and you shake your head and wonder if the story is actually true, how could someone be like that how could anyone treat a child like that let alone their own flesh & blood...

And then when it happens to you. When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

BTDT- Not Going Back.

NG, do you and your kids pray? We do. And when my X pulled this crap, we prayed for his health. It helped them not to feel responsible for things they cannot control. Sort of letting it go to a higher power...

I know my kids felt powerless to help him, but they felt better doing something... to them I guess they felt like they were asking another adult to help daddy. All I know, it did lesson their anxiety about the crap he was telling them, that did not need to be shared with a child. Their lowered anxiety levels were better for all of us.


Side note.. he was telling one DD (I think she was 9 or 10 at the time)docs thought he had cancer and about having a colonoscopy, and what they did and what they saw... he even sent her an email with the video of his colon. She did a show and tell at school with it!! Teacher (knows X) thought it was informative and did not expect to be so completely informed about my X's colon.

Hugs, I know it sucks... keep being the great mom you are,they need you.

[This message edited by Kajem at 9:46 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4854 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

OMG Kajem - So not only was he a complete asshole, but you now have photographic evidence of it!!! "Yeah, my X is an asshole - No really! - I have the video!"

You've gotten good advice NG, so just sending hugs: ((NG & kids))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I knew a diagnosed NPD person once. She lived on drama, provoked conflict and lied constantly. You couldn't believe a word she said and lying about health problems was a specialty.She had her EX in court so many times it was ridiculous.

My point is, your H is not going to stop. All you can do is put all your energy and resources into keeping your kids away from him. Don't stop until you get a NC order in place.

[This message edited by Pippy at 3:18 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I am sorry to say that this crap doesn't stop with the D being final, either. They don't like seeing us strong, NC, happy, etc.

Stay on the offensive, NG.

Tell your atty about this, sometimes other atty can get thru to his client. Your WS isn't going to listen to you, but maybe will listen to his atty.

A little off topic:

At the last sessions before court, I had the atty ask his atty about putting the kids on his life ins and 401K as beneficiaries until youngest was 18. WS was there with his friend, wanted to look good and agreed!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1969 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I just remembered this:

My friend told me to get a notebook and every night write down what happened that day. Kids/ ex, etc.

Her XH took her back to court and she had 2 years of spirals. She said the judge believed what she had written. The notebooks also showed where X blew off the kids sometimes, so the judge was able to cut thru the bs and realized the guy wanted out of paying CS.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1969 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 20