User Topic: Anonymity on SI?
Member # 39324
Exclaimation  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I recently had a conversation with another SI member who feels that their anonymity here has been compromised. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Have you "stumbled" across someone you may know from the outside world based on details from reading their posted information? It makes me nervous. This is the reason that I have not yet posted in the "My Story" section and did not give my location or too many details about my situation.

What are the odds that the OW/OM can discover us?

Thoughts? Scenarios? Am I just being paranoid?

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

People tend to minimize the chances of being 'found' on here.

I think since we are 'anonymous' behind a computer screen, we forget sometimes that what we type is out there for all the world to see. I am so guilty of this.

When my BH and I were planning a g2g at our home, I was very surprised to learn that one of the people interested in attending lived about 20 minutes from us.

I share way too many personal details on here. I often have to check myself.

I don't think you're being paranoid at all. Maybe change a detail or two in your story, or be as vague as you can be while getting your story across, just to be safe.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38029 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

A member or two down in D/S have discovered that their posts were being read, and discussed, by WS and OW. One WS recently tried to use his BS's posts in court - judge ignored it though. So it can happen.

I was concerned because early on I had suggested this site to WX - don't know for sure that he ever realized I was a member, but it was always in my mind that he could be lurking.

In the midst of the D I had a question that I needed some objective feedback to. I PM'd an experienced SIer and asked what to do - they posted the question, "for a friend". So you can work around this potential problem and still have your safe place. (With the possible exception of the S having a keylogger on your computer I suppose...)

Just be careful not to post anything too specific or with identifiable markers. Your user name is vague, that's a good start!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I'm pretty vague and have left out some things- I doubt anyone would figure out who I was IRL even if they knew to look here.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

How anonymous you are here on SI is up to you. Personally, I've met a number of SIers in person, and told a lot of people irl about SI, so I'm sure I'm not too anonymous here anymore. It doesn't bother me, but then again, I also have no issues telling anyone in person about now-ex cheating on me. It's a part of my life story, but it's not my secret, and it's not my shame.

If someone really wants to remain anonymous online, it's up to them to be cautious about the information they give out. And even then, it's a crap shoot.

eta: the OW was one of the people who have found me here. I had told then-WH about SI, and he was so kind as to share with her. It really bothered me when I found out about it, because they both had been reading what I posted for months, during a time I thought we were working on the marriage. But now...well, I hope they've both moved past stalking me online, but if they are...whatever. Not my problem anymore.

[This message edited by inconnu at 2:55 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

OW stalked me before I knew she existed and stalks me now on Facebook (yes I have her blocked, she uses a fake account and sees only the posts set to public that I want her to see), Pinterest, Yelp and LinkedIn, etc. I kid you not.

ANY time I post ANYthing, ANYwhere I assume she will be seeing it and edit myself accordingly. You should always do the same thing.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I guess I''m a bit Eah! about it, since I really don''t care if my FWH reads what I post here or not. And there is no OW to worry about (ONS where he lied about his married status to her) so nothing there either.

Frankly, what worried me more is that he posted enough details on his AFF account that anyone that wanted to, could have found him and therefore us. He posted about his hobbies that we BOTH participated in and gave enough detail (plus, of course, his photo) to where anyone that wanted to, could have shown up to check him out. And I guarantee that in any of the places that a potential OW had shown up, with his photo in hand, looking for him, our friends would have pointed me directly to her or would have pointed me out to them and told them to ask me. And boy, wouldn''t THAT have been pretty!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I was found on a much smaller site...though fWH told OW I was there.

WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.

Posts: 3975 | Registered: Aug 2007
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I am far more cautious than I was when first posting on SI; Mr. Trac-fone and his married soulmate had a penchant for mining my posts for pain, which they used, variously, to hurt me or to justify their continued affair. They were vicious.

I'm relaxing a bit, because I am nicely detached at this point, and really don't care, any more, what happens to either of them. But in the immediate aftermath of d-day, it was agonizing.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I believe we can be found if enough clues are left. I keep a few of my clues cloudy. If someone finds me they were looking VERY, VERY hard.

Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I love the support here. I was feeling a little crazy before but thankful for a place to give voice to my crazy. Thank you for the responses. I am glad I was cautious and it seems rightfully so. I am now working on a "cloudy" and careful version of my story.

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Member # 34831
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, July 1st (Monday)

nI believe there is no such thing as anonymity on any website.
The funny thing about my discovery of my husbands activities was I had been googling his work nickname and it was only a matter of time before I discovered it all.

Nothing is anonymous.

DDay 12/02/2011
WH signed up for sleazy dating sites while working away for a month at a time. Discovered before any physical contact was made.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 3:18 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I used to be more concerned about MOW identifying me than I am now. She stalks me on LinkedIn, so I'm sure if she looked hard enough she could figure out who I am. I doubt she has. To do so would require mining through a lot of posts. But if she has, I don't much care. I'm sorry for her if that is how she chooses to spend her time.

Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1742 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I think if someone wants to find out who you are, and all that they can. However I think SI does a great job of keeping things as anonymous as possible.

I am fairly certain that anyone who knows me, that is on here, would be able to pick up who I am in a heartbeat, and I'm ok with that. However my personal situation didn't go down the road to where it could be a problem, and intially I held my cards close.

I have shared the site with many people who are going through similar struggles, and seem lost. Hoping that they can get some of the same support I did in those early days.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, July 1st (Monday)

How anonymous you are here on SI is up to you.

I feel this way too.

When I first came here, I was concerned about anonymity so I kept certain details quiet and posted only in general terms.

There have been very rare occasions where people recognized each other from posts. I know two BS's that accidentally discovered each other here. But again, that is a very rare instance.

Over time, I have let my anonymity disappear but that was my choice.

Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 15