User Topic: Summer vacation time - does your ex take the kids?
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

One big surprise about being divorced is that my XWH does not take the kids for summer vacation time. In the parenting agreement, we each are allowed to have the kids to ourselves for up to three weeks over the summer, whether taken in one big block of time or several smaller ones.

Even with this flexibility built into our agreement, for the past three years my XWH has ignored the arrival of summer and carries on seeing DD once or twice a month. He sees DS about once every three months, mostly because DS doesn't like to go to his father's house.

He doesn't take them on trips any other time of the year, either. The holidays when it's his turn to take them, as per the parenting agreement, he usually declines to do so.

When we were married, we took lots of trips together as a family to see family out of state, or Hawaii, Mexico, even Europe. Now, I do what I can to organize vacation trips for me and my kids, but I can't afford to do it more than once a year, if that, and our destinations are mostly nearby and budget-priced.

How common is it for a father to decline to take his kids on vacation after the divorce? He and his second wife travel plenty on their own.

[This message edited by josie11 at 5:54 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]

BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Ex took the kids on vacation the summer right after the divorce was final. I don't think he originally planned to, though. I think he and now-wifetress made plans, and his parents questioned why weren't the boys going. It's even possible the grandparents paid for the boys' flights.

That was 3 years ago. My kids haven't been on a vacation since.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

The first summer after he moved out he took the kids for 1 week, but dropped by my house twice.

The second summer he took them to a cottage with his girlfriend.

Last summer and this summer, he didn't/isn't taking them at all. Last year he used his vacation to get a vasectomy, this summer, I'm really not sure what his excuse is.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5526 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I have to wonder if having teenage kids along spoils the wonder of it all for my ex and his OWife.

There's definitely no love lost between my teens and their "stepmother." They can't stand being around her. Maybe that's the problem.

BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

mine doesnt take his. im lucky if he shows up the couple days a week he is assigned! he typically misses 20 days a yr of the 92 he is awarded.

6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.

Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 1st (Monday)

The agreement says that XH takes them a minimum of one week during summer holidays.

XH takes them a maximum of one week during summer holidays, usually less. Both kids seem okay with short little "bursts" of dad-time.

It used to bother me, but now, not so much.

It is what it is.

Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 1st (Monday)

XH refused his summer vacation in its entirety with the exception of his standard EOW because I wouldn't agree to his ridiculous demands.

Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 1st (Monday)

We are not D'd yet, but he has already said I can have full custody and he would not want overnights with them because, is his exact words, "what am I supposed to do with them!?" When he watches the kids it's "babysitting for" me. This past Saturday he babysat for a few hours so I could get
Coffee with a friend. That is about
the extent of his parenting.

Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
Topic Posts: 8