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New Beginnings
User Topic: Disastrous screw-up
pointmagnet
Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Man I screwed up tonight big time. I am finally back in the Caribbean, working in the town where my lady friend lives. We had not seen each other for almost five months and things were going well after we had a nice date last Thursday.

She’s been working long hours and I have too so it’s been frustrating. Neither of us has a car and we rely on taxis to get around. This weekend we were going to have a trip to the big city on the island but she had to work.

So it’s Sunday night and she has been saying she was tired from being at work all day (13 hrs). But then all of a sudden she says she wants to go dancing at a local club (late – say 10pm to midnight).
Ok here’s where I was STUPID. Given that we haven’t been together for a long time, I should have jumped at the opportunity, even though the thought of dancing is paralyzing for me. I am 6’2” and am not exactly graceful unless I have a basketball in my hands.

So I say: “Can I take a rain check?” and then I whine about it being too late as we both have to work early in the morning. We eventually decided to go, I get showered up and then she says we’re not going afterall (because her friend with the car is unavailable).
Anyway, whether we went or not, this gal is crazy about me and I shot her down. Rejected her in a 3-second verbal mistake. I screwed up.
Now, how can I reverse this damage? We’re still scheduled for a fun weekend starting in the city next Friday but I worry if my little selfish episode killed the whole relationship before it even got started.

Any advice would be appreciated greatly.


Me (BS): 55
Her (WW): 53
Married: Not any more
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Trying to move on

Posts: 475 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I would fess up that you really don't like dancing, that it makes you self-conscious. Perfectly understandable, and I doubt she'd judge you for that. She might be a little annoyed that you didn't say that upfront, but my guess is she would understand you felt a little ashamed and cut you slack.

If she lives to dance, you might have a problem


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I personally don't see the big deal, but if you are concerned I think now is the perfect opportunity to do something that (the lack of it) lead a lot of us to these forums: Communicate.

Tell her what you just told us. A healthy conversation with someone you really like goes a long way.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:56 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Wait, you begged off tired, got a rain check, got talked into it anyway, then got stood up?

There is an equal distribution of screwed-up in that.

To recover, apologize, sincerely for being less than enthusiastic. Then make a light joke about her not pulling out all the stops in securing transportation to pull your tired butt out on the town.

Then change the subject and focus on a good time this weekend and reassure her you will be rested and looking forward to spending time with her.

Eta stupud phone

[This message edited by heartbroken_kk at 10:04 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I should have jumped at the opportunity, even though the thought of dancing is paralyzing for me. I am 6’2” and am not exactly graceful unless I have a basketball in my hands.

From one guy to another, learn to dance, go find a studio and take lessons especially what might be popular in that are. I'm 6' 2" myself and was a wallflower for the first 41 years of me life. I decided to change that. 22 months later I know enough to dance over a dozen dances and I am having a blast. Ladies love it


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52737 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
pointmagnet
Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Well here's an update... She wanted to go out after work tonight so we went to a little bar here in town and had a couple of drinks. It was nice, we sat and talked - pretty relaxing.

She gave me a flower at the end of the night from a Hibiscus in her yard - really beautiful. There was a note attached about how the flower will not last forever and we have to make use of what we have now and enjoy its beauty.

Then she followed up with a text saying "let's see how long you can make the flower last."

I would follow up with some flowers and a nice note myself, if I had a car to run around town and find a flower shop. May have to ask one of my buddies at the plant to drive me around at lunchtime tomorrow.

Nonetheless, it was a definite improvement from last night and I hope it continues!


Me (BS): 55
Her (WW): 53
Married: Not any more
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Trying to move on

Posts: 475 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 1st (Monday)


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Ooh - she's good.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 1st (Monday)

My first thought was "she hasn't seen you in a while and asked to go dancing? Wha?" I would definitely let her know that you're not a dancer, for future reference.

I tend to consider going dancing a "girls night out" type activity. I know very few men that like going dancing. I can sometimes get my SO to go to a club with me, if it's a special event. Like when we go to Goth Prom. But he does not dance.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Am I the only one who thinks this woman sounds incredibly manipulative? Both the dancing and the flower?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Jul 2011
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

I'm with Ama.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5298 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Am I the only one who thinks this woman sounds incredibly manipulative? Both the dancing and the flower?
Make that 3 of us....

pointmagnet, this girl sounds like a female player. Have fun with her, because she will be a lot of fun, but be VERY careful with your heart here.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15298 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 12