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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Job advice
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I just found out that a part time music position opened up at the school my oldest goes to (and if we don't have to sell the house and somehow afford to stay in it then the other two will eventually go also). But we live in a tiny, tiny town. That means the pay is very low in the first place AND it's only part time. A full time job would obviously pay more (plus I don't know if I could get insurance as part time and if so, how much I'd have to pay into it). But, it solves a lot of commuting and childcare problems...assuming I'd get the job. What do you think I should do? Should I pass this up and continue to look elsewhere? One of my major issues like I just said is the commute and childcare timing. Maybe just apply anyway and see what happens?

ETA: Now I'm wondering if they just didn't rehire the teacher or if she left. A lot of school districts will do that to untenured teachers...let them go so they won't have to pay more and just stay over again.

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 10:13 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I would definitely look into the options for healthcare and get the specifics...

I work from home, but with my degree, I could definitely make more at another job not working from home. Child care, time traveling, gas, eating out, lunches, work clothes, all that comes into play in my decisions. I think it should for yours too.

I would definitely go ahead and apply, there and continue applying at other places, and weigh the pros and cons. Being at the same school is a definite plus, but you gotta crunch the numbers to figure out how much of a plus..

Good luck..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

SMH.

STBX has said over and over that if we divorce that the house would have to be sold and how that would contribute to financially crippling us (because of the housing market). I think it was his way of putting doubt in my mind. So I just tried to talk to him about this situation if I got a job at this school and the house. The way he talked about it I thought he knew something. Well guess what...he wouldn't admit to saying the stuff about selling the house. Just kept on saying how I'd be taken care of because the courts would be in my favor. I told him that the house thing was something he had repeatedly said and that is why I was asking. He says, "I might have said that. I don't remember. But I'm telling you now that you'll be taken care of because the courts will be on your side."

Thanks for reminding me again what a dick you are, Jerkface.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

TCD,

Definitely try for the job. Ask about substituting to make up the rest of the time if full time work is what you need. Or if there is money for a part time tutor. Sometimes combining two part time positions is possible.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5751 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Regarding the house: Houses are not automatically sold in a divorce. I am going to be awarded the house outright. Because I've been out of the job market for so very long there's no way I could ever afford to purchase another home (who would give me a mortgage), nor could I even afford rent. So I'm getting the house. I'm not buying STBX out, but he is going to walk away with an enormous pile of money to balance the value of the house. And because I've been out of the job market for so long I am desperately looking for work. I'm not an attractive job candidate because it's been so long. Maybe if I'd had part-time jobs I'd be more appealing to employers. Hey, perhaps that's a bit of job advice, too.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9466 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Caregiver - That's a good idea. If I actually get called I'll ask. I know the teacher from last year also taught the gifted and talented program but I don't have a certificate for that.

The more I think about it, the more I see the manipulation. Poor him...won't be able to afford an apartment with what he has to pay for the house, CS, alimony....whatever..and has to live with his parents again. Ya know, he would always get mad at me for using the phrase, "consequences of your actions." Now I see why. Because that means he has to take responsibility and nothing is going to feed into his narcissism. He would literally be fuming when I used that phrase. Well douchebag...what do you think all of this is? You chose to have an affair with a coworker. You chose to TT. You chose not to try looking for a job. You chose to make up excuses for your emotional abuse and keep on doing it. These are fucking consequences, I'm moving on. I don't love you anymore. I want better than you. And I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU! Try and manipulate me all you want. Try your abusive tactics, I see you for what you are.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Go for it, apply and see what happens.

FWIW I work at my oldest kids school and it works great. I also started with 6 hours a week now 8 years later I am almost full time.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1307 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
neverbeokay
Member
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Definitely apply for it. Once you get an offer you can decide for sure.

Sometimes combining two part time positions is possible.

My friend did this for several years, she had teaching credentials but did not want the workload of a full teacher position, so she worked two different part time positions at the school.


Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2005
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Try your abusive tactics, I see you for what you are.

I LOVE this. It comes from a position of strength and confidence. "I see you now." Ah, I loved when I finally felt like that.

Good luck with the job hunting TCD! Don't be afraid to call up and say something like, "Hello. I applied not too long ago and I was wondering <xyz> about the job." Sometimes they get so many applications, and the ones that call in and actually talk to the hiring coordinator are the ones that get it since they are showing a true interest in the job and aren't just another resume in the stack of papers. Good luck!!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Apply get your foot in the door. The rest will come.
It is amazing how networking will open a lot of doors too. You may not get FT there, but you may learn of something better.

Go girl go.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I would apply, anything to get your foot in the door. The way I see it, when desperately looking for a job, beggars can't be choosers... especially in your field, and in the summertime (a time when hopeful teachers swarm the schools like locusts)... And it really doesn't sound like a bad option.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 11:04 AM, July 1st (Monday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1202 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, July 1st (Monday)

When it comes to other jobs I need to be choosy because I don't have family help here to bring the kids to school/daycare. I also want stability which a full time, tenure track position would offer. 3 kids and living in Jersey is expensive. He had made such a big deal about money that I'm scared of what will happen.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I vote that you apply. Even if it's not a dream job, a job is better than no job - independence, empowerment, cash flow.

Even if you don't get it, interviewing and applying is a skill set and as you are starting to job hunt, honing those skills will be to your benefit when you find the perfect job - so you don't blow it on a rusty interview.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13653 | Registered: Jul 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 1st (Monday)

The one thing I'm very sure of is my interviewing abilities. Must be the teacher in me...I can BS. Put me in front of a crowd and I can make something up on the spot. Remember, I haven't been unemployed. I've been teaching and interacting with students, their parents, other teachers. It just isn't in a public school.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 1st (Monday)

oh, I thought you were among the army of SI SAHMs


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13653 | Registered: Jul 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 1st (Monday)

I am. When I teach privately I of course don't have the kids. I used to teach 2 nights a week. Now only 1. But I was able to bring them with me when I taught the child classes during the day.

Eta: I've done big things with this job. A choir I directed sang at Lincoln Center in 2011

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 12:05 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Sweetie,
Cant you see that the money was one way he could control you? He still has you questioning it. It's BS. YOU ARE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Resume sent. And I obviously can't talk to him about anything important so...I'm just not.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
dbellanon
Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, July 1st (Monday)

That's funny. I was recently in a similar position. I'm on the job hunt myself, and I was in the running for a part-time music position as well.

Not my ideal job, by any means. But as you say, it has some perks. You'll be on school hours, which will be better for child care. If you're a music teacher, you could consider filling up more of the intervening hours with private lessons and such.

And as others have noted, a part-time job is better than no job. Depending on what kind of contract they have you sign, you could keep looking for work even if you got the job (I'm assuming you wouldn't start until the fall when school starts).


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 210 | Registered: May 2013
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 1st (Monday)

I live in a tiny town and in recent years the music program was cut and only came back last year. So no instrumental students to get a stipend for lessons or after school anything. The problem with teaching privately and being a parent is that lessons are after school. I love teaching privately but I couldn't do it to make money. I would never see my kids!

Dbellanon - I hope you don't live in Jersey! I need this job...don't need competition!


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
dbellanon
Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Don't worry. I'm not in Jersey. It's not the same job. I get the problem with after-school hours. Wish I had some good advice for you, but at the moment I'm kind of in the same boat.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 210 | Registered: May 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Just a thought TCD, but for the private lessons could you find a teen that needs lessons, and in trade for teaching her, have her babysit? Barter your services.
Sending good SI Job MOJO


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

TCD, I'm glad you put in app...you never know where something will lead. I was a SAHM and put in about 15 teaching applications...heard crickets on every.single.one. Ended up taking a job as an assistant...which was not going to be financially sustainable...but whaddya know, a position opened up a couple of months into the school year and I got it because everyone had heard about the TA that was really a teacher! So you just never know.

As to the house...don't talk to him about that shit anymore...just make a plan with your L about what you want in the settlement and what you are willing to settle for and let the lawyers work it out. Trust me, so nice not to listen to douchebag pandering, backpedalling lies.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 23