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User Topic: Finally 1st official date is tomorrow night.....so nervous!
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
DOH!  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Okay...so the guy that went to the beach with his son is BACK and asked me to dinner tomorrow night. He wanted me to pick the place so I picked a restaurant called "Cheddars" cause it has basically anything you could possibly want to eat.... so a win win! Plus, I like the atmosphere there too! Normally I suck at picking a place to go and am one of those indecisive people but I didn't want to come across like I can't come to a decision!

So...here's the thing... I haven't been on a blind date in years....and an OLD 1st date...is kinda like a blind date! I mean....yes....you can read their profile and see pictures that they have posted of themselves and you hope that all that they have said and put out there for you is true and honest but you just don't know.....

So.... I'm all getting flustered over what to wear.... how should I act...what if I don't know what to say....what if there are a bunch of awkward silences.... what if he doesn't like me?? What if he isn't attracted to the "in person" me?? What if I'm not? blah blah blah....

How do you get past the 1st date jitters?? Especially from OLD???

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:48 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Valium?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17144 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 1st (Monday)

I'm all getting flustered over what to wear

Wear something comfortable that makes you feel pretty too. If you're a dress chick, wear a dress. A jeans and T chick, wear nice jeans and cute top etc.

.... how should I act

Um, like yourself?

...what if I don't know what to say

Look him dead in the eye with a smile and say "I don't know what to talk about right now"

....what if there are a bunch of awkward silences

Make a joke about it. Unless he's being a d*ck about it, then leave.

.... what if he doesn't like me??

At this point, be more worried about whether or not you like him.

What if he isn't attracted to the "in person" me??

Of course he will be. If you're anything like me you are prettier in person than your photos and you're drop dead gorgeous in your photos, so what's not to like??

I don't mean to make fun of you. But be a little excited to just see what happens. After all, it's just a date and a nice meal. You're going to have a nice time. And maybe make a new friend.

[This message edited by cayc at 2:05 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Nothing to add that cayc didn't already say, so I'll just wish you luck! Don't be nervous - remember that this is his first date with you too! Keep us posted!


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Okay... I will just have fun... I have nothing to lose right?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Absolutely nothing to lose!


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Yeah, it will be good.

And he probably likes you a fair amount--dinner isn't standard for a first date anymore!!

I don't think I've ever been taken to dinner on a first date. Normally a hike or coffee.


Two gorgeous boys, 14 and 8.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 43
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 733 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, July 1st (Monday)

How do you get past the 1st date jitters?? Especially from OLD???

I usually have a little bit of wine before they arrive if they are coming to my house to pick me up. If I'm meeting them at the restaurant, I order a drink. I know I'm medicating my nerves with alcohol, but I think that is why it was created! I only have one or two for the whole night!!

So, go ahead and have a little something for "medicinal purposes". I even tell the guy "I was nervous, so I've already had a little wine..." they usually laugh with me about being nervous...and then the conversation flows from there.

It is okay to be nervous. You'll be fine!! (And don't forget we LIVE to hear the details afterwards!)


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3010 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 1st (Monday)

I memorize everything I will say beforehand. At least 1 hour of material in case my date is the silent type.

And if I forget what I'm going to say, either launch forks or spit out teeth. It's great when they land in your soup.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, July 1st (Monday)

ETA: (frustrating iPhone.... Cant edit further down.... But Obviously I felt Attraction not attrition!!).

OIAL

good luck Shellybeanz!!!!

Be yourself... And remember it is about discovering if he is right for you not just the other way round.

I also think it takes time to get to know a OLD. I have been dating my SO for 5 months... We met online.

When I first saw him there was no immediate attraction. But we had a lovely lunch, chatted for 3 hours and he has the most amazingly kind eyes. His eyes and intelligence pulled me in and made me what to get to know him more.

We have taken it very slowly and now 5 months later I am falling in love with him.

I could have so easily dismissed him on the first date for lack of fireworks... But I am so very very glad I waited to see his amazing nature and personality emerge.

After 1 month together I discovered that the attrition was very strong after all.

Don't build your expectations too high. Just maybe ask yourself afterwards.... Do I want to discover more about him.

Enjoy the evening... Can't wait to hear what happens.

[This message edited by timeforchange at 11:37 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Have fun! It's excitement not nervousness! That's what I tell myself when I have to do public speaking and feel jittery.

I would see someone for coffee first before I determined I could digest a meal with them.

I would keep the meal simple and relatively short.

Remember that this not about you. You are all worried about if he will like you and that is totally not the point! Forget about you. Whether he likes you or not is his business. You are there to see if he is any fun to be with, a good conversationalist, etc. and if you like him.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5731 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Dawn58
Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Have a good time Shellybeanz. So happy to see someone on the other side of this!!

Enjoy! He obviously finds you attractive and has read your profile. He is probably wondering all the same things you are!!


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Sending you good date vibes! I hope you have fun, Shelly!

P.S. I LOVE Cheddars! Is it me or do they have the best corn ever? I swear it's sprinkled with crack.


Posts: 3300 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Topic Posts: 13