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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: No "dating partners" in the house?
thegooddokta
Member
Member # 35641
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, July 1st (Monday)

My divorce was about to be finalized earlier this month, but at the last minute, his lawyer threw in something I hadn't seen before. Essentially its a provision in the final agreement that says that neither of us can being anyone we're dating into the house .

Our house has been on the market for 7 months with no offers. I have no idea how long it will take to sell it and move on with our lives, but in the mean time, we are forced to both live in the house. He pretty much moved out...he removed all of his things, and only comes to the house when its his nights with the kids, and even then he often takes them to his parent's home.

So if I agree with this, it basically allows him to say that until we sell the house, I can't bring anyone I'm seeing into the home. We've been separated for a year. I have no idea how long it will take until we finally sell the house and I do not like the idea of him placing limits on my personal life, especially when he is barely in the home.

Has anyone had this before and if so, how did it work? Was it time limited? Did it just account for over night stays? Help....I feel very frustrated and controlled and don't know how to proceed.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 35
1stDday Dday 4-19-12
Married 9 yrs
Divorce sched for June 2013
2 kids 5 & 8

W/H-currently has a new girlfriend. We are still living in same house.


Posts: 118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: CT
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Some do have a clause in their documentation that states that no members of the opposite sex may spend the night, excluding family members. However, if he wants it to say that people your dating can't be in the house, does that only mean when the children are at home? Can the children meet your date elsewhere? Is it only that house or any home you reside in and for how long will this go on? I believe there needs to be further clarification of this.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Does this clause only apply to you or does he plan to agree not to bring his "dating partners" into his home?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49448 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Ouch, that's terrible drafting. What are the limitations on that clause? While you're still in the same house? Is someone moving out soon?


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 1st (Monday)

We had a morality claus, it stated no overnight adults in the house when children are present.

My lawyer said it is not legally enforceable. It is a moral issue. You can add it, but it is hard to enforce.

Just reword it so states only when children are present.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Just reword it so states only when children are present.
AND so that it applies to both of you - not the house.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
thegooddokta
Member
Member # 35641
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

I haven't been given details of what this clause would include. Whatever it is it would apply to the both of us. I would only accept it if it stated no overnight adults in the house when children are present. I also would prefer if it was time limited, like 3 months, or 6 months, rather than be open ended....after all it could take a loooooong time for the house to sell. I can't accept anything that just attempts to mandate either of us to not have any significant others in the home whatsoever for an unknown/unlimited period of time. Thats just not logical. And of course, if the house sells next week, we will both be in our own homes and either of us can bring another person for overnight stays, with or without the kids around, and no one can stop that from happening. So its obvious to me that this isn't about "protecting the kids" or "respecting the marital home"...its about trying to control me in some fashion.

The reason we both still reside in the same house is because we have a big mortgage that neither of us can afford solo, and neither of us can afford 1/2 the mortgage plus a 3 bedroom apt rental. So we're stuck in this situation. Fortunately, he mostly sleeps out of the house so we don't interface all the time, but its a bad, bad circumstance anyway. Thanks everyone for the feedback, its helpful.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 35
1stDday Dday 4-19-12
Married 9 yrs
Divorce sched for June 2013
2 kids 5 & 8

W/H-currently has a new girlfriend. We are still living in same house.


Posts: 118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 7