SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: help me respond to npd/sociopath xwh
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

overnights and vacations are not in our final agreement. he is most likely a sociopath, if not a narcissist. I'm about to face the narcissist/sociopath rage, because he just asked me if he could take DD for a week. Um, hell no, but how do I answer this? Anyone have experience with the narc/socio rage when they don't get their way?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3311 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Tell him no, overnights/vacations are not specified. Sorry Charlie. You'll need mediation or something to figure out details before you allow her go away.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Dear asshole,

Overnights and vacations are not apart of the visitation schedule in the decree.

What does your final agreement say about visitation?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4751 | Registered: Feb 2008
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Do you have full custody of your DD?

Is he nearby?

Is he wanted to take DD on vacation? Will someone else, (that you trust with DD) be there?

If he asks with no specifics regarding where they are going, who with, etc.. NO way.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

For a week? Oh, maybe he thinks that will make up for all the time he doesn't spend with her.

I would refer him to the legal language of your agreement and leave it at that. If he rages, contact your L.

(((sparkysable)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3575 | Registered: Oct 2011
m334455
Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

I think you asked a second question: how to deal with the rage. How have you dealt with it in the past?

First, expect the batshit crazy rage. Then there is no element of surprise. Second, say no in writing and keep a copy of it and whatever his response is. Third, be very neutral and say "you agreed to X. A week is not in our agreement and I don't think it is in daughter's best interest."

Then, while listening to rage part 2 label everything he's saying/doing in your head blame, bully, curse, whine, complain, deflect, etc. and when he finally winds down say "I'm sorry you feel that way. If you want more visitation you're welcome to have your lawyer contact my lawyer to try to work something out." Then make him go bye-bye.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 6