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User Topic: I hate cancer
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

My son has been "living" with cancer for a long time.

An old friend died a few months ago, six months after her colon cancer diagnosis.

Now, my closest friend....the one I go to laugh with, cry with, watch movies with, get silly with....I was with her today at her biopsy where it was confirmed she has pancreatic cancer.


She's been in pain for six months and is already down to about 100 lbs. I doubt she'll see her birthday in November.

I don't know what I'll do without her. I can't stand the thought of her going through so much pain. She's terrified.

She's also my next door as long as I live here, I'll see the flowers we planted together, her screened porch where we spent so many hours....but soon there will be strangers there.

I'm seriously freaking. So tired of illness, death and pain.

Went to my dance studio to escape. They offered me sangria. Sangria! I love sangria, haven't had it in years! I can't drink due to meds I'm on. But a drink would have been nice tonight.

No question here...just venting a bit. Thanks for listening.

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

((((SadMad, son and bff))))


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52680 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)


Posts: 35919 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

(((SM family & friends)))

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Fuck cancer.

I know that doesn't relieve the suffering and pain but fuck cancer. Fuck cancer in it's face.

“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


You are grieving. There is such a grace and gentle strength in your words... I have tears from your post.

Peace to you.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


So sorry for what you and your loved ones are going through. Cancer is such an evil and cruel disease.

Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38075 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


Cancer is an Asshole, and Pancreatic is the chief of the Assholes. I am wishing you strength to get through this.

Focus on making quality memories with her from this point forward.
If she chooses, or is unable to aggressively treat this monster, then may I suggest you look into hospice for her. This doesn't mean all care stops, but it does change the focus from "Get Well" to "Make the best of the time you have left".

I have seen too many times to count people waiting until far too late to benefit from it. The other great thing is they not only provide support to her, but to her family and loved ones.

(((and strength to you both))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8717 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Sending thanks to you all for your hugs and kind words.

I have on my "Li'l" face today.

30 years ago I worked with a wonderful woman who much older, and very protective of me. She could always tell in the mornings if I had been crying the night before....puffy face, and eyes. She'd nail it every time.

To her, I was "Li'l One"...that's what she called me. So today, with my eyes swollen up from crying, i am back to being Li'l.

Thanks again, to each of you.

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

I fucking hate cancer, too. Keeping you all in my thoughts.
((((sadmad, son, and friend))))

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Oh, and TN, that's a great idea. The tumor cannot be surgically is apparently between two arteries. She has not decided yet whether to do chemotherapy. As you know, it doesn't much matter if she does.

Right now she'd mainly terrified. When it sinks in a little more, I'll talk to her and her kids about hospice. I know how wonderful hospice can be...we called on them when my dad was dying.

Thanks sgain.

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

(((Sad))) (((son))) (((friend)))

Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11586 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

IF she doesn't want to do Hospice there is another option that can be the best of both worlds....Palliative Medicine. She gets Hospice benefits, but still can do chemo if she chooses to, but everyone is aware it's about quality.


Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8717 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


I hate cancer too... Sending you strength and hugs.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Faithful w/Love
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


I hate cancer also!!!!
I have lost 4 people now within a year. Out of those 4, 3 in a row. Now 2 more, one is in remission and the other only has maybe a few months.

My heart breaks for you and for your friend. I know how scary it is. I'm tearing up now but know that you, your son, and friend are in my thoughts and prayers!

Stay as strong as you can but know it is okay not to be also.

Much love to you Lil one!

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

((((SadMad))))) ((((son)))) (((((friend))))

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Just want to say thank you again to everyone for all the hugs and support.

My friend said the saddest thing today....she was wondering what she "did wrong" that made her get the wrong way, not exercise enough? Can you imagine? I was so surprised that she would think this way.

I reassured her that she did nothing wrong. That life's just a bitch, and fairness doesn't enter the equation.

Anyways...thank you again...and peace and blessings to you all for your support.

I love SI.

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

(((SadMad, son, and friend)))

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

I so hear you. I lost my dad to cancer last June, and not long after my uncle. It has been horrible watching two people I love die like that.

You have my sympathy I know how hard this is. What I can't imagine is having a child with cancer. My thoughts are so with you.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
New Member
Member # 37380
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

My heart to you. What pain and loss. I am glad you have a dance studio to go to. Cinamon


Posts: 29 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

(((hugs))) I''m so sorry. I fucking hate cancer. Fucking hate it.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

I'm so very sorry and am thinking of your friend. I am petrified of cancer.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4611 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

My heart is breaking(((((HUGS)))))

D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Topic Posts: 23