New Beginnings
User Topic: Trouble in paradise
Member # 16891
Frustrated  Posted: 6:45 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Hello old-timers and everyone who healed since then,

I'm going through a shitty moment.

We've been having so much issues since So and I have bought a condo together. The constant fights with the neighbors and the way we handled them together made me realize that SO and I not be fit for each other. And my disabilities, even as healing is going well these days, have been straining our relationship for a while now. I haven't really been happy for months. We've been to MC, I've been to IC, he's not willing to do IC. I've reached the limit of what I can adapt to.

We are in such stress with trying to fix the relationship with the co-owners and fixing ours at the same time. It is too much to handle. And moving out and buying something new with a strained relashionship is a bad idea.

On paper, I have a perfect life : I live in a gorgeous place I can afford without being stretched, with a decent man, faithful, caring and loving. I am shit scared to make a mistake in letting that go. But I'm not sure we can fix all the strains coming from our deep-rooted issues (anger management on his side and anxiety and conflict avoidance on mine makes for a hellish mix).

I just need to let this sink in and see. I go from panick to crying rivers these days. Processing I guess. We sent a letter to the co-owners to trigger a mediation process with an attorney... now I just want to stop it all. Too much to handle cuts me from my emotions which I need right now to make a truly hartfelt decision on working things out or letting go.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 6:53 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4712 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

It sounds like the perfect storm of struggles. ((Hug))

Fire refines precious metals. So perhaps this situation will bring out the pure gold or the straw will be all burned up?

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Wisely said. I believe that too.

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4712 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)


I wish I knew something to share to help.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

So sorry things are so difficult for you right now. As much as you wish you could cancel the mediation stuff, perhaps tackling it and getting the issue(s) with the condo settled will clarify the waters enough to make the relationship issues addressable.

Sending you strength.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Simple solution - let HIM handle the situation/issues with the neighbors. Trust his judgement. DO NOT let that issue divide the two of you. It sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship otherwise so I think that should be YOUR focus.



BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Aaaahhh, t2g... Many have advised so but I'm not too sure. Although the neighbors are a special breed of lunatic narcissitic hot-tempered asshats, I must say that my SO is also part of that dynamic by refusing to let go of the slightest detail in favor of strategic wins. It's really a mix in hell.

Of course, by dealing alone, he could reach the limits of his approach by himself and perhaps learn things and get ready to adress his own shit, but at what cost for all of us?

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 7:57 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4712 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Member # 12475
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

I'm not on much these days, but I had to post to say hello at least!

I don't know the backstory with the neighbors, but I think T2Gs advice (and hello to you, too, stranger ) might be worth considering.

If the neighbors are narcissistic asshats, your being the voice of reason isn't going to change a thing with them.

If this is an indication of an incompatibly with problem solving in other issues, I can see how that would be a problem. But, if the problem is unique to these crazy neighbors, then consider stepping back for a while.

Don't let outside forces take over your insides.


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God

Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens

Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 8