My FOO issues directly effect how I view and feel love. I have read the 5 languages of love, and while i have one language, I often feel like I need all 5 in equal parts to actually 'feel' loved.
There are moments when I stop and say "Why do I love DH" or "what is it about DH that I love" and many times, i honestly dont know how to answer that question.
On one hand, he's here in my life. He fights the good fight with me to keep the marriage together with me. He loves our kids more then anything else in the world and he takes care of big things when needed. We are at our very best when we have a crisis or a major issue that needs taken care of. And the bedroom life has only gotten better with time.
On the other hand though, he does not support anything that I like doing. I feel like I have to fight him on hobbies (Eastern Star being the major one, Church activities being another). While physically there is support (albeit begrudginly), but emotionally there is nothing.
And then there are moments that catch me off guard that show me what love it...even though its funny and cute:
Its true, its kind of like a metaphor for us. DD wanted to cuddle and insisited that he use her pillow and her blanket. Since he loves her so much, it was a non-issue to him.
But 5 minutes later, she decided she was done cuddling - and yet, he was comfortable and so he stayed this way for a good long while.
He was completely content and happy that way.
Its like that is how he is now. I put us into a situation that he didn't want, but he loved me and was comfortable in the relationship and so he stayed and is making the best of the situation rather then throwing it all out.
R is going well to be honest, though we have just regular marriage issues rather then A issues. And I was able to get into emails and FB, just not his work email at all. It still makes me uneasy, but at least some of the ghosts are laid to rest.
I want to jump into the picture and cuddle up right next to him.