New Beginnings
User Topic: A Beginning? Or What?
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

The divorce has been final for a little over a year and I'm so grateful that I don't have to deal with his BS anymore. I moved back to Georgia and started my own business again, I bought a little house, I've been working in the yard, I'm going to school, I can't figure out colors to decorate in for the life of me.

I have zero interest in dating and am getting tired of people suggesting that I'm too young to be alone. I tell them that I'm not alone, I have friends and my business, school, my pets. I'm at peace for the first time in my life and I don't want anyone to put a kink in that.

I like eating what I want, where I want, wearing what I want, going where I want to go, controlling the remote, etc. I go over to the house of a few friends (all happily married) and enjoy evenings with them. I really enjoy time in my yard.

I'm not even remotely interested in sex and have no desire to meet anyone. I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing person, but meeting people on a platonic level is fine for me.

I don't know if it's that I don't want to ever get hurt again or that I'm just so much at peace that I don't feel like changing anything. I don't feel stressed about not dating, it's more that other folks bring it up. And I think sometimes that it's hard to believe.

But I'm happy now.

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

Good for you! Happy is fantastic!

There is much to be said for all the perks you list and I recognize and accept many of those truths about myself. I am "dating" but have no intention of blending my life with someone. It took me several years to get to this point.

You may or may not feel like dating in a few years. Cross that bridge when you get there (or not.)

People who have not walk in your shoes don't know the healing and the comfort of living without drama and noise and upheaval. Enjoy it without justifying it.

I have seen others post this same feeling, so you are not alone in this.

I am so glad you have peace and happiness.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

I went through those same feelings for about a year after my D. I called it "sexually dormant". That desire eventually came back, but I am extremely gun-shy when any one talks about living together or marriage.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

I am you, Easy.

Except...until...I actually have to start my own dam thread in NB

Posts: 6644 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

For me, choosing not to date isn't about not being hurt because I don't think I can ever be hurt again. I am positive I could never be invested in another man to the point that they can hurt me. I don't even worry about that. I know if I suddenly met someone and fell madly in love, I'd still not be hurt by anything they did. I feel too detached from other people's actions and decisions now to allow me to hurt because of them.

I just feel good being single. I can't imagine trying to add a man to my life. It just wouldn't work. Anytime I do think I miss having a man around, it's always because I want a man to do something for me, like help me dig a hole for a tree. LOL I can always pay someone to take care of those things.

I think romantic relationships are fairly overrated. And the high failure rate matters to me these days. It just doesn't make sense to me to invest so much of myself into something so risky.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 8:25 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 5th (Friday)

Glad to hear you are doing so well. I'm in exactly the same headspace. I think it's called contentment.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, July 5th (Friday)


I don't feel stressed about not dating, it's more that other folks bring it up. And I think sometimes that it's hard to believe.
I know it's commonplace, but I still find it presumptuous when people ask about this stuff. And if I think they are well-meaning, I give them a kind smile, thank them for their concern, and then change the subject. Or, if they're rude about it, telling them they're out of bounds.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

People are just rude.

My sister is happily single, no interest in finding a mate, does what she wants when she wants no children to care for. She is happy. People ask me and my parents all the time about if she has some one in her life or if she is having kids blah blah blah. People need to mind their own damn business.

I imagine shortly I will be asked the same questions, my parents and my sister will be asked the same questions about me. I am happily single as well. It's not that I don't want to date, I just don't have the time to commit to developing a relationship either and until that changes I won't be dating and that's ok!

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1360 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

I'm so happy for you-and I love hearing your updates. You deserve to savor every minute of peace.

People may be well-meaning but only YOU will know what you're ready for

Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Thanks for all the comments. I think someone hit the nail on the head when they used the word "detached." I am detached from all emotional things except peace right now. And I love the ever-living hell out of that. I love it. I spend evenings dead-heading my flowers so they get more blooms, I just painted my office, I need to shave my legs and I don't care.

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 10