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Reconciliation
User Topic: My WH isn't my beneficiary anymore
CLRhope4her
Member
Member # 37243
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)

We just switched 401k companies at work and so therefore new paperwork. In the past my WH has always been 100% beneficiary. But since I am convinced if I am gone and the Ex-BFF/OW is still alive she will be back in the picture, I couldn't do it. Seems like anything to do with her plants his head directly up his ass. So, my daughter is beneficiary (into a trust). After that my mother who will insurer daughter gets the money.

WH says he understands and is not
Angry and says his feelings are not hurt. He says he isn't with me for the money (good thing or he's wasting time in this bank acct) so whom I leave it to is my business.

Guess I just hate I am in this position. And I hate knowing in my heart once I'm gone she will show back up. Incentive to live forever I suppose! I've never not trusted my WH to not take care of his child. But during the A he didn't. I can't risk that again. After all--I don't know him anymore.

What a sucky feeling.


BW- Me 35 & WH- Him 38
OW- My BFF for 25 years
DDay- 6/28/12 Final truth- 7/28/12
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Posts: 177 | Registered: Oct 2012
Hearthache again
Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

I know how you are feeling. I have had some things that made me think about this. I feel the same way. If I was to die OW #1 would be knocking at the door the next day.

I told my H if he ever ends up with her after I die. I will haunt him till the day he dies.

Glad your WH understands and is being supportive. Infidelity sucks.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Knowing
Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 4th (Thursday)

I understand that you were doubly betrayed. Is this you putting your bitchboots on? Or seeking revenge on him? Punishing him financially? I can''t tell which. When you''re dead, you''re dead, what does it matter? A lot of R is "acting as if".

If you dont truly trust his ability to parent your child, why not cut him loose now? I see that you are in limbo. Are you attempting R? What is he doing to help you feel safe moving forward with him?


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
GraceisGood
Member
Member # 17686
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

If you dont truly trust his ability to parent your child, why not cut him loose now?

If DD is biologically both of theirs, then if she cuts him loose now, she has even less of a say of how he parents and who else is in the DD's life when DD goes to dads house for his court approved time, so it makes sense why she is not cutting him loose now to me.

Grace


We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3435 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
scared&stronger
Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

I completely understand unfortunately.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3969 | Registered: Aug 2007
CLRhope4her
Member
Member # 37243
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 5th (Friday)

I thought on it for a week. I really don't feel as if I've done this for spite. Fear more so than spite. Before the A my WH was a great father. And since beginning R he has been again. But during the A he was not at all. WH says he wouldn't contact OW/ex-BFF if I was gone because he wouldn't put her BH through that. But I KNOW in my heart once she knew I was gone (which would be 12 seconds later in this small town) her BH would be around no longer. My WH and her both have this star crossed lovers who found one another at the wrong time syndrome. He still has bouts of missing her or wondering if she is ok. 99% of the time he doesn't. But that changed part of him that is no longer the man I married is what scares me.

I just want the peace of mind to know a person with a clear sense of reality is handling my daughters future. And yes Grace-that is exactly right. On top of that we love one another, are working to save our family, a part of me could never leave because I couldn't live with myself if I allowed my DD to be partially raised by the Ex-BFF/OW. And my fear is that would be exactly what would happen.

And I realize once I'm dead the money will do me no good. But the love and concern for my daughter transcends that. Even more so-I want to know when I'm gone she will be alright-even if financially is the only certain way I can make sure of.

Hope that make sense.


BW- Me 35 & WH- Him 38
OW- My BFF for 25 years
DDay- 6/28/12 Final truth- 7/28/12
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Posts: 177 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6