New Beginnings
User Topic: Maybe this a vent? Any comments welcome!
Member # 28812
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

So, I've been seeing this guy I met on for about seven months. He's probably the greatest guy I've ever met! He makes me laugh, is caring, considerate, successful, sweet, open, understanding, open, affectionate. He goes to church with me on Sundays and has taken things at my pace.We have both met each others families and that went really well. Some days I'm all about him other days I begin to doubt it. He has done nothing but be understanding of my past and open minded to my "damagedness" that I have. I have even gone through some health issues and he's been by my side doing anything he can. Not really sure why I'm writing this or what I'm expecting you all to say but I just feel like maybe something is missing. It makes me wonder if it's because of my past experience or if there really is something missing. If I could create a guy he would be it so I guess that's why I wonder why I feel like on one day off the other. I'm not looking for another guy or even wanting to "date around" ahh! Sorry guys but guess I just needed to vent. Any comments are welcome.


Me-29, F Divorced for three years now & enjoying rediscovering myself

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2010
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Maybe you're thinking this is too good to be true? That there really aren't good people out there? Or maybe you think you don't deserve something good? Or maybe you're so used to drama and anxiety and stress in relationships and that's what is missing.

I think everyone who has been through what we have is kind of "twitchy" about new relationships. This guy doesn't sound like he's given you any reason to worry. Maybe what you need to do is tell yourself to calm down, relax, enjoy this guy and what he is offering you. Don't overthink things, just stay in the moment and know that no matter what happens--you can handle it.

Happy 4th of July to you too!

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2127 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Maybe you think that you do not deserve anything good.
But You do! Learn how to appreciate what you have and let go the control of protection. You will find and learn how to relax with time. Pay attention to your thinking and see what is creating that bad emotions\, and rest in the kindness of your partner.
My two cents.

Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 28812
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 5th (Friday)

Thanks for the comments!!

After reading what you said I think that has a lot to do with it. He is almost too good to be true and I have told him that I have to pinch myself to make sure it's reality sometimes. Guess I just need to calm down and enjoy it while it's happening instead of wondering how it could all fall apart.

Me-29, F Divorced for three years now & enjoying rediscovering myself

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2010
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 5th (Friday)

You've described why he's so great. What is unclear from your post is how much you're attracted to him.

If you're attracted to him, then yeah, it could simply be that anticlimactic feeling one can get when everything is going right.

BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, July 5th (Friday)

I posted a topic like this previously, so I know where you are coming from.

I have a bf who is amazing, he goes to all my son's sports, takes him to camp when I can't, cleans my house on a whim without asking, puts me all around great guy.

and yet I panic at the thought of him moving in. I think we all have a bit of post tramatic shock that we have to work through.

You are not alone

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 28812
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, July 5th (Friday)

Once-Funny you mention that I think he's a really cute guy but I typically go for taller guys with some meat on them and I don't mean "meat head" guys-this guy is just skinnier than I usually would go for. I have tried to tell myself if I keep doing what I've always done I'll get what I've always tried to go out on a limb as far as physical appearance. I'm awful...maybe he's just not "manly" enough for me.

Me-29, F Divorced for three years now & enjoying rediscovering myself

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2010
million pieces
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 5th (Friday)

I think that stage is pretty normal in most relationships, when the initial sparkles wear off most have some feelings of doubt. Many books I've read have described the same thing. Not sure what to do, but I don't think your alone with your feelings.

Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Topic Posts: 8