Just Found Out
User Topic: He is going to disclose
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Everything. Supposedly. He is going to print off the letter he wrote me and should be back in an hour.
My last crisis ended up very good because he saw my side of things and came home and we went for a bike ride. Somehow I don't think a bike ride will fix this.
Not gonna lie, I'm scared as hell!! He broke down and cried and said after I read the letter I will hate him more and leave.
I'm summoning up every ounce of strength I have left...

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

This is a good sign if he really does it. If he is willing to risk everything just to give you the truth, and is afraid of the loss, it bodes very well for recovery.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Mine did the same and I know what you are feeling. As it turns out, it wasn't as bad as I expected in many ways. One thing that was tough initially to find out was that his infidelity started before we were married...but in a strange way, it made me quickly see how broken he had always been. It wasn't my "fault". I hope you have a good outcome.

Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 4th (Thursday)


The fact that he is offering up information is a good sign. My WH has only ever confessed to what I had found proof of.

So, as much as this information might hurt, try not to lash out at him. It is taking a great deal of courage for him to do this. If you respond correctly, he will be more willing to give additional information as he remembers it.

THe sooner you get all the info, the sooner you will start healing. TT is death to R. So when you feel like lashing out at him over the new info, try to remember you wan to encourage him to get alllllllllll the info out now.

Good luck.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Thanks. I will try.
He will be here in a few minutes

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 4th (Thursday)


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, July 5th (Friday)

Hey Cosmogirl, how are you doing today?

I hope the disclosure went smoothly...As smooth as a shit sandwich can go down...

I get it. After DD any other info brought me to my knees. But I am still standing. A bit crooked but standing nevertheless.

Be well.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Hope all went as well as can be expected, CG.


Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
New Member
Member # 39264
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Thinking about you both. This sucks. What he is doing is showing you true signs of remorse. It's a good thing but my heart hurts for what you are going through at this very moment.

Lots and lots of hugs!

BS- 40, WH 38
Married 13yrs, 2 Sweet Boys-5 & 9
DD#1: 1/10/12- 6mo EA
DD#2: 8/23/12-revealed 1PA, 2ONS in 2010 and 1EA/PA in 2004
DD#3: 9/10/12- ONS w/friend in 2010
Lots of other crap and TT - basically I was married to a guy that forgot he was

Posts: 38 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Um, what can I say?
Someone on here was right when they said there are no depths this wouldn't go to
Now Im just processing it all. Somehow, that is helping me get through this: I think about what I now know. I go over it again and again and it starts to fade just a tiny bit, after I cry yet again....still NOT gone as this is just the day after full disclosure but I can feel it fading very, very slowly. I'm not dumb, I know some scenes will come back in full color sometimes but, I just hope I'm strong enough to handle it.
Now, I sit and try to handle the fact that there was a ONS before the A with a different woman....and that the OW was in OUR bed when I was out of town, again (side note, he threw the entire bed away without hesitation last night)...and that there was a hotel, again when I was out of town....and that they talked all the time (why is it emotional affairs are soooo freaking hard to take?!?)

*sigh*...I would just like to rewind this year please

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

Hang in there. As horrible as all of that is (and it is) there are plenty of us that can tell you it could have been worse.

In that vein though, don't 100% convince yourself you've got full disclosure. I'd hate for you to be blindsided if there's more trickle truth.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

I read your post and just wanted to say, 3 years out, I wish that my WS would have come clean like this. As bad as it hurts, I can hurt a lot more with the WS gives TT's. Keep reading and learning and making yourself strong, and know that processing the pain is not a linear process. You must sort as you go, and it requires time and work. You can come through this much stronger and wiser. Take care.

WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 779 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

Do not wish to rewind the year. Would you really want to go through this again? I told my FWH a few days ago, that I just wished that this year was over. He said that his wish was that it was the year before DDay. I just gave him a flat stare and asked him why in the world he would want to put me through that again, because I didn''t think that it would go any other way than it did given his refusal to talk to me then and the fact that he would still be blowing smoke up his ass if we were to go back in time.

(((hugs))) Be sure to be good to yourself this weekend. You need to be very gentle and kind to yourself.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 13