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User Topic: Need help in how to handle this weirdness
holly1125
New Member
Member # 32888
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Longtime stalker on this website but rarely post. I get a lot of comfort and help usually just by reading what everyone else is going through. However, this is beyond my scope and I really need help.

Short story: Ex POS has pictures on his phone of his newest girlfriends daughter (she's 9 or 10) in the bathtub. These pics were seen by a mutual friend who told me about it. I'm sure he deleted them as soon as he could b/c he knows she saw it.

The question is, should I try to say anything to the new g/f? I'm sure he has told her all kinds of lies about me so I doubt she'd believe me anyway but I just think it's weird. Am I over reacting?


Me: BS
Him: WS moved out 7/28/11
D-day: 1/11
Divorce filed: 1/3/12
Divorce final: 3/30/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Louisiana
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Normally anything having to do with the ex, I'd say stay out of it. But in this case, there's a child involved.

I say tell the GF. If possible, ask the mutual friend to tell the GF since the friend is the one who actually saw the pic and you're simply repeating what you were told.
The GF may or may not believe you, but at least you'll have tried.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6293 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Do you know for a fact that he is a pedophile? Does he have a police record? Is he on a sex offender website?

If none of this is true, stay out of it. You didn't see it. No need to bring crazy back into your life.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19969 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 5th (Friday)

I agree with Gaby.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13707 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 5th (Friday)

If you had seen it yourself, my response would be different, but it's just heresay. If anything, have the mutual friend tell the new girlfriend.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 1:39 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19969 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 5th (Friday)

You should tell Mutual Friend to step up here and tell the g/f herself.

Aside from that, I think you should stay out of it.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
holly1125
New Member
Member # 32888
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 5th (Friday)

OK, thanks for the advice.

No, he's not a convicted pedophile but there were allegations made against him at one time by a younger brother and sister (steps). He does have issues with porn, I know from past experinces but other than that...

I can't ask the mutual friend to get involved. She takes care of our son and if he found out she's the one that told the g/f he'd remove him from her care.

[This message edited by holly1125 at 2:50 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


Me: BS
Him: WS moved out 7/28/11
D-day: 1/11
Divorce filed: 1/3/12
Divorce final: 3/30/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Louisiana
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Then it's time for an anonymous note to the GF.

People, we're talking about a child. A child! The child's safety comes above all other concerns. Even if this XH never actually molests this girl, he may very well send out her pictures over the internet to other sickos. Is anyone here comfortable with the idea of men around the world masturbating while looking at pictures of this girl in the tub? What's next, pictures of her naked on the bed?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9477 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LisaP
Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

Given the fact he has previous accusations and an issue with porn...the GF should be told. I would send an anonymous note as suggested.


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2180 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

I'm a mandated reporter, and I would have to call CPS to report that. Would the mutual friend be willing to do that anonymously? You could, as well, but since its hearsay they may not investigate. But, there would be a record of a report, and even if they didn't investigate now if there were ever another call you bet they would notice that -- its often the pattern of minor reports that sparks a major concern.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

If you tell the GF, won't he know that your mutual friend told you?

An anonymous note makes the most sense.

[This message edited by kernel at 2:12 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5032 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I had Dept of children and families come and visit for heresay neglect from 1 phone call from anonymous.

I would think they would investigate any allegations regarding [pictures of a child in the tub... especially if that child was NOT a cute baby. I would make an anonymous call and I would also request that the caregiver make the call.

Holly, I apologize I am not familiar with your story.. do you and your X share custody of your son? in my state anyone who is caring for children is mandated to report this type of thing to the authorities. I thought it was that way in all states.
If suspected stuff isn't reported they can loose their license to care for children.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
holly1125
New Member
Member # 32888
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 8th (Monday)

Kajem: Yes we have shared custody both legal and physical.

I did contact a friend that works for CPS over the weekend. She contacted someone in sex crimes who basically told her that unless it was a sexually suggestive pose there wasn't anything they could do about it.


Me: BS
Him: WS moved out 7/28/11
D-day: 1/11
Divorce filed: 1/3/12
Divorce final: 3/30/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Louisiana
Topic Posts: 13