Just Found Out
User Topic: Do the emotional hits ever stop?
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, July 5th (Friday)

I got through yesterday, not sure how but i did. Today hubby was outside doing yardwork alot, and everytime i looked out he was on his phone. I questioned and he always had an answer, his dad, or cousin, etc. Well that nagging feeling wouldnt stop, so i logged into our phone account to check numbers. For hours hes been texting a mutual female friend. The one ive had nagging suspicions about. She even sent him a pic of her and one of her sons. She is also married. This isnt the woman he cheated with. But i believe its the next. I brought up the fact that she hasnt texted me, or sent me cute lil pics..and i get the same "nuttin is going on"...

~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, July 5th (Friday)

No and he needs to stop!!
I would be out the door if my WH was doing that. Mine has been very good about his phone and shows me everything now and then I verify with the phone log because if I see a single number or text that has been deleted I will flip out!
I even check the phone when I'm sitting in the same area with him and hear the conversation....I'm still at zero trust right now.

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, July 6th (Saturday)


Sometimes they're having more than one affair at a time.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

^^^^ it really doesn't matter who what when where or why, if it is making you uncomfortable, he needs to stop.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

Boundaries. He needs to learn about them and respect your feelings.

I was handed the "We're just friends" line many times.

Draw your line in the sand and 180 him. Start gathering evidence and documenting.

ETA: I just saw your D-Day was so recent. Is he remorseful or does he insist nothing was going on then?

Have you read about the 180 in the Healing Library?

[This message edited by travels at 7:40 AM, July 6th (Saturday)]

When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.

Posts: 3777 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

Oh dear Brokenhearted, the hits stop when you make them stop. Right now, you are accepting his lies and allowing him to destroy you with his horrible behavior.

I would give him a dose of reality. He wants the single life? Fine, then he may have the single life, but not as YOUR husband. If he wants cute little pics texted from a married ho, fine, but then he needs to find other accommodations, i.e., NOT in your bed.

I would 180 him, I would speak to an attorney. I would stop cooking and cleaning for him, stop doing his laundry, banish him to the couch (or better yet, his car), and I would set fire to some of his favorite stuff, preferably someting A-related, like maybe his phone for starters!

Stand up for yourself and make it perfectly clear that you will no longer accept a lying cheater as a husband. Be strong, my dear. You can do this! Take care.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 387 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Trust me, i have read every article in the Healing Library. Most more than once.! And the 180! I wrote it down on paper and carry it with me. Im trying and soometimes i feel like i have it under control, and then nope no i dont. I have no self esteem, i put on a good act, but i have none. And my whole life has been about "keeping everyone else happy". Its sounds weak i knoow, but im terrified about having the hubby or anyone mad at me. If i dont do the cleaning,, or something isnt done the way he thinks it should be then all h*ll breaks lose. He screams and cusses, and throws a fit. He has been known to threaten the kids or me, if we threaten him. He can be a nasty person sometimes. His excuse..he has ptsd from a wreck yrs ago. I am a smart woman, i know i deserve better. I am talking to several agencies on monday, because me and my kids are totally financially dependant on him. I realize now thats just another way he has control. Im pretty sure hes has already started an emotional affair with the one hes texting. And now he has added another one to his list hes texting. As soon as i learn my options. Im pretty sure the deals been broke! I cant handle his attitude. And the oonly time he seems remorseful or apologizes..or anything is at night when we are alone. And he keeps hinting, wanting sex. Its like hes a teenager who thinks of nothing but sex.

~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
New Member
Member # 37494
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Goodness, I swear I could have written your posts and responses. Unfortunatly, my WH is a serial cheater, so I left. He too ONLY thinks about sex and has recently called a family memeber of mine to brag that since I kicked him out (3 days ago) he has slept with 3 different girls!

I don't have any advice because I am dealing with the same thing and don't know what to do but I am taking it day by day and praying for the best. Take care of yourself and your kids!

Me- 23
WS- 26
3 children- 6, 5, 2 (one of which is autistic)
Married almost 7 years in October...
Dday- 11/10/12
Dday 2- 7/2/13 And I'm OUT! It's Divorce time!

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: wish I knew
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Yes, he does need to stop!

That's disrespectful to you! It also worries me and I'm sorry for your suspicions.

But I'm also glad you're thinking and not just accepting his quick answers, it sounds like. That may bode well, for you to be on your toes.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry for the misuse of cell phones.

I experienced jealousy in visiting a relative recently, because she and the BF put their phones together when they don't use them, just out in the room like I do and since OW became a reality, STBX is very bizarre with his phone, thinking he is covert.

I hope your WH will cut it out.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

No real changes. I keep an eye on the phone records. And everytime a strange number shows up, i demand answers. Had an arguement in public yesterday, i posted about that to. Things just keep getting complicated more and more.

~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Topic Posts: 10