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User Topic: Am I just being too sensitive?
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

My husbands dad is in the hospital so we've been barely seeing each other with him staying up there and me trying to take care of kids and supporting the needs of the rest I his family through this. So he brings up the fact that its going to be hard to do anything for my birthday tomorrow cause of all this, which is fine I wasn't expecting anything anyway!! But he's been gushing over this wonderful nurse that his dad has had for the past two days and how he really wants to do something special for her like send flowers or something!! I'm sorry but this just really hurt my feelings and made me feel like shit!! Am I just being too sensitive? I just don't fucking get it!! I really don't expect any special treatment cause of the situation, but to have him kind of give me the heads up that he can't do anything for my birthday then try to make a plan to do something nice for a stranger for doing there job?!? I'm just ready to give up!!


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Searchingforhope
Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

(((wannarun)))

When I read this I got so angry for you!

If I was you, I would be reacting to his behavior and it wouldn't be pretty.

I would be all over this

No, you are not being too sensitive. He is being INSENSITIVE

My H wasn't the most sensitive either, and whenever he does something that hurts me, I LET HIM KNOW IT!

He has improved greatly and I can't remember the last time he "effed up."

Speak your mind and let him have it.

((HUGS))


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 155 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
RedRaven6500
Member
Member # 39626
Suspicious  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

No, you're not being "too sensitive"...that just plain sucks! You know, the birthday I had before DDay, I was taking care of my ailing father. My step-mom really needed help and I stayed with them for over 3 months. At one point we almost lost him. Days before my birthday, I called my husband and said that I would love it if he could fly down and be with me during this stressful and scary time. I practically begged him to come be with me because I was so scared for my dad and needed support. He flat out said no! But in the meantime, unbeknownst to me, he was dealing with OW#3 and her drama, sending her money, etc. I didn't get a card, gift or anything that birthday, even when I was struggling with my dad's poor health. After DDay, when I confronted WH on this incident, he said that he "just forgot" because of all of the drama one of his LDA (OW#3) was putting him through. What a shit! I feel for you, I think most of us have been on that short end of the stick during our marriage and it can be so painful and destructive knowing that they seem to put us last and take advantage of us.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 serious long-distance PA/EA's, several casual PA's, some at the same time. Classy
In R

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jun 2013
Searchingforhope
Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

OMG...and this...

He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 155 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

This is A season too.....so then there's that!! I wish I could just disappear from June to January! I'm so miserable


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
RedRaven6500
Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Searchingforhope

ROTFLMAO.....that.is.awesome! Well he may not of thought it was amusing, but I sure did!


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 serious long-distance PA/EA's, several casual PA's, some at the same time. Classy
In R

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jun 2013
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Lol!! The look on his face when I said that is burned into my brain!! In fact everything about that day is burned into my soul now!! He wanted to rip my head off cause I was being to smart assed!! Some days I really think I hate him


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
stillhere09
Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 6th (Saturday)


wannarun, you are not being too sensitive! I hope he learns some serious boundaries.

He can't find time to send you flowers, but he can send them to her? I wouldn't take this lightly. I would be watching his every move. Hers, too.

He needs a good counselor who understands how to teach boundaries.

I would be livid!

Have the two of you ever sat down together and made an agreement about what is acceptable behavior in regards to the opposite sex and what is unacceptable?


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
MystiKay
Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

No! That is not okay! I can understand being grateful for the nurse. There is nothing wrong with saying thank you. But not instead of doing something for you. you are home taking care of everything so he can have time up there to be with his family. THAT deserves a thanks you!!! He be being a real jerk.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Aug 2012
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I'm not really worried about something happening between them!! It's just the fact that he wanted to make such an effort to appreciate a stranger for doing her job and made it clear it was going to be difficult to do anything for my birthday!! It's always been this way though it just really hurts since the A!! I can't shake how unappreciated and insignificant this made me feel today


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
stillhere09
Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, July 6th (Saturday)


I get what you're saying. You're not so concerned about him starting up an A with the nurse - it's just that his insensitivity hurts you.

Boundaries would help to teach him to be more sensitive, though. They would also prevent affairs from happening. He may or may not have an interest in that nurse, but doing things like sending a woman flowers is how affairs can get started.

And I would still have my radar up.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Radar up.....always a good idea!! My radar is about worn smooth out girl!! Sometimes I want to retire it 'cause if he really wants to do this again he's going to be one sorry MF!! There will be no mercy!! I can't and won't try this hard again!!


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
thecosmogirl
Member
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Tell him that hurts!!
Mine told me I was "so pretty" today. I lost it!! Because he has always called ME beautiful.... He called the OW pretty.
I let him know that just triggered and he profusely apologized and begged forgiveness.


Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013


I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!


Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 7th (Sunday)

Wanna, I have same advice I gave you in other post. Kick some butt!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Well I told him that it hurt.....and he did exactly what I knew he would!! Got angry and told me a good wife would have helped him get flowers for the nurse that saved his dads life!! Yep I'm such a low life!! You know it wasn't even that I was opposed to getting her something it was the fact that he wanted to put forth the effort for a stranger but made it clear we probably would be able to do anything for my birthday


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 8th (Monday)

Something to consider:

Some heathcare facilites do not allow their staff to accept any gifts of any kind.

Sending the nurse flowers might put her in an uncomfortable position with her nursing manager/administers.

If you truly (or your WH) want to do something nice for the nurse, ask a nurse or an aide on the floor how patients/family can "recognize" a staff member for going above and beyond their job duties.

THAT would be a better way to validate her as a nurse, than getting flowers that she's not allowed to keep from a married man.


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, July 8th (Monday)

At this point we aren't speaking anyways so I could care less if this nurse gets recognized!! Seems I'm a selfish bitch for being hurt by this situation!! I just don't know how much longer I can believe in a future with someone that thinks so little of me. I don't want to be divorced but this same scenario just keeps coming round and round only different details!! Something he says or does hurts me and I reluctantly tell him after he badgers me to.......then bam he belittles or criticizes me for feeling that way!! I really really hate my life and myself right now! I'm drained in every way.......I wanna just lay down and and never face another day


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
wanttogoforward
Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, July 8th (Monday)

You are not being too sensitive!!!

He needs to realize that his boundaries suck! If the tow of you were to send the nurse flowers AFTER the hospital stay as a FAMILY thank you that's one thing... I could even think it's ok to send a note of thanks from the entire family... but I get the impression he is using his father's illness to set up another A..... I also work in a career that has people involved, and I occasionally get a special thank you... a handwritten note always from the WIFE- I've never gotten any type of gift from the man in the relationship- it just would not be appropriate!

I personally would begin to make MY presence known to the staff there- just in case your H has made it look as though he is all alone in this... seek out that nurse and thank her "on behalf of the entire family" for the wonderful care she is providing - a thank you is always appreciated for going above and beyond! But I thought that it was more when reading your post..... make sure they know you exist!
Honestly, you shouldn't have to put up with this crap!
And I would tell him flat out if he has time or energy to send flowers to another woman, then he sure as hell has time to do something for you! You are wanting to be helpful and accomodating at this time, which is completely normal and the right thing to do... Why is he thinking of the feelings of someone who does this for their job! He should be thinking of you and how you are left out due to the unforeseen circumstances... he should feel bad he cannot be there... and he should be able to get away for a couple of hours unless the situation takes a terrible turn for the worse to do something special with/ for you on your birthday!
Please do not think I'm being harsh here- I've been through what you are going through right now and I think he is not taking into consideration all the extra work YOU are doing to hold up the family while he is mostly unavailable... HE needs to start thinking of someone other than 1) HIMSELF and 2) A woman who is NOT his wife!


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Well they shift around on different floors. I don't know when she's there or not and I haven't seen her or know her name. I've just heard how great she is and how proactive she was in getting my FIL through a pretty scary crisis!! I'm just done with it. Going to step away and handle mine and my kids business for now!! Especially since I was told yesterday on my birthday if I were a good wife I would have worked out the flower thing for him but I'm just being too self centered to do anything for him!! Ummm I've been late for work every day making sure his mom had a ride to the hospital and picked her up and took her home when I got off!! Stayed up there over night after being up all day so he and his sister could get some rest!! Watched his sisters kids so she could get some rest! Not to mention running their errands they haven't had time to get done and getting food when the cafeteria was closed!! Oh yea and sitting with his sister through her new found panic attacks cause I sure as hell know what that's like!! Oh and mowed 5acres of yard for him yesterday for the first time in my life cause he's been stressing cause it was so high!! Got the damn mower blade caught in the net of batting cage and had to cut it loose and dig all the parts from around the blades!! Nothing is ever good enough!! I'll never be good enough!! Wtf am I doing here


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Oh wow!! Got a half assed "sorry" then silence and "I'm gonna go take a nap" fucking whatever!!


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I typically have the opinion that whenever someone asks "am I being too sensitive "? , the answer is usually "yes". This is not one of those times....he was being a complete jerk !


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I'm sorry wannarun...it sucks that he thought your birthday was the expendable event....and that sending flowers to the nurse was the be all end all.

That is shitty. That is a crappy boundary.

I'm also sorry if my post about what the nurse may or may not be able to even accept upset you. That was not my intention.

(((((((hugs))))))))


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
stillhere09
Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)


wannarun, to think of all you went through and have done with no appreciation -- it angers me to think about it. That he could show no appreciation for you and yet give so much time and thought to a stranger says a lot about his character.

It also sounds like he deliberately angered you when he asked your opinion until you gave it. His motive? To send her flowers himself without your name attached. (Even though he's trying to make it look like he wanted you involved). Yes, I would certainly make myself known to the staff at the hospital.

but I get the impression he is using his father's illness to set up another A

I'm sorry, but I agree with the above.

If your WH often finds ways to show appreciation to the opposite sex or finds ways of helping a woman when she's down or just wants to "make her smile," he is a KISA. I was married to one for 14 years. They say they just want to make others happy. "I'm a giver" is their motto. When I wanted to be his partner in that, however, he voiced loud objections! Red, red flag! I knew then. The truth is, their motive is a potential affair. I was blind to this for a long time because my ex would also help men. Little did I know that while he was helping a man, he had his eye on that man's wife!

On the other hand, it could merely be that he needs to learn boundaries. Have the two of you read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass? It helps tremendously to get such men to understand boundaries, what they are, why they're so very important, and how to maintain them. The book is only 10 bucks at Books a Million. Or get it from the local library and make copies of the most important pages. It's so worth reading!

Hugs to you, and Happy Birthday.

PS - I would refuse to do anything more until he shows a mountain of appreciation and recognizes what a jerk he has been. Otherwise, you'll never get any respect from him.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

He is being selfish beyond belief. I doubt the nurse is waiting with baited breath for anything - give her fucking flowers next week. Your birthday was an opportunity for him to put a deposit in the love bank - a 10 minute phone call to a florist is all it would take.

Well, happy belated birthday.

and...F.T.G.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

It ain't easy - your comment didn't upset me........this whole situation is just f'd up!! It's not the fact that he wanted to do something to thank her for her persistence in getting his dad taken care of really it's not!! And I truly wasn't expecting any big tadoo on my bday!! But, the contrast of well there's no time for your bday then in the next breath I really would like to send this great nurse some flowers.....just hurt tremendously!! Then the insult if his anger when (against my better judgement and after much badgering from him) i told him what was bothering me is maddening!! I'm so tired of being put on the back burner......it's always been this way! I should be used to it and I am but it still hurts....sigh


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Seems I'm a selfish bitch for being hurt by this situation!!
no you are NOT!

HE is a fucking asshole.

I am so sorry.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Topic Posts: 26