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User Topic: Anyone Go Out By Themselves?
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

It has been 19 months since D-day. I spend a lot of time with my family, go to some meetups (mostly kayaking), do bootcamp 3 times a week. And of course go kayaking, swimming etc. I only have 1 close friend (I dropped another one, due to her attitude regarding the A and my STBXH) My friend is busy with her family. The meetups I went to for single women felt very clicky, I did not enjoy.

My question is does anyone go out by themselves for a drink/dancing? Just really think once and a while it would be nice for a change of 4 walls.

But, what does it look like to be a single women (56) out at a bar?

I can only go to so many movies, read so many books. Just feeling a little stir crazy.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I have a friends who own a tavern, husband and wife. I go there, the bartenders are single women around our age. A lot of our former friends pop in and out. They don't have room for dancing...well not inside anyway.

It's ok... but I would like to go out with a GF or 2 dancing and just have fun.

I need new friends... I am working on it.. but it takes time.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

Must Survive - I hear you! Stir crazy perfectly describes how I feel sometimes. I have some good friends but they are all married or partnered so not really available to do stuff with me all that often. I live in a small town so no meet-ups. I haven't gone to bars here on my own yet, but I may start going for a drink now and then because someone I know is bar tending a couple of nights per week. In the big city, I would be too chicken on my own. Sometimes I wonder about a personals ad just looking for friends to hang out with!


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5058 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
tearsofjade
Member
Member # 25778
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I am almost 50 and I do try to do things by myself. Went to bingo last nigh and won $140.00! I will go out to eat, haven't done the movies solo yet.

As for drinks and dancing, I have not, for me I would feel uncomfortable being a single female in a bar. I completely understand your situation since I am in it myself. Everyone seems busy with families etc.


FBW(me)48
Divorced and really happy!
The best revenge is a life lived well!

Posts: 653 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: michigan
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I do go out by myself to the movies or to eat. I tend to avoid bars, just because I don't like the way that I feel when I'm there.

I spen a lot of time walking my dogs, or just window shopping if I want to get out of the house.

I think the big excursion tomorrow is going to be a facial and a pedi.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7551 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I go to restaurants by myself all the time, and if they're crowded, I'll eat at the bar. I don't go to bars per se, though, and I always bring a book to read--my Nook so I can see if it's dark in the place. I rarely talk to people


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20020 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I think going to a bar by myself would only exacerbate any loneliness that I feel. The odds of actually forming a connection at a bar seem low to non-existent to me, at age 47.

When I'm feeling lonely or bored, I exercise. Really helps in the short term, but doesn't solve the problem.

Which is why I'm on the hairy edge of signing up for dancing lessons.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, July 7th (Sunday)

I enjoy a drink every now and then so during the afternoon/early evening 5-7 I discovered a few local places. I got to know the bartenders and there is live music on Fridays so they invited me back. It is an option. Overall I don't know if going to a dancing/ bar at night by yourself the safest thing.

Check out other meetups that have dancing and bands. I have been to a few wine meetups that are nice.

You could take a class in something you were always interested in and meet someone new that way.

I enjoy meetups because they span from sporting events to dinners to hiking. I go to dance places with women I met through meetup and other activities.

Have fun and try new things- it is interesting to learn how you respond to new situations.


Posts: 931 | Registered: Jul 2012
missherlots
Member
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Most sundays, I go to a bar that it is big in dancing with music of the past. Nothing pop or rock. You know, the kind of bar for 50sh people like myself. I am latino, so for me dancing is part of my culture. Anyway, this place is crowed with mid aged people who likes to dance and have fun. Some get drunk and some like myself have a beer or two and water all the time. I always go back home by myself bc I choose to do so, and lots of ladies do the same thing. We go to have fun and dance. sometimes I don't dance and still enjoy the moment there.
Anyone can be clean or dirty anywhere, but your image will dictate how people behave around you.
So, have fun. We have one life and it is short, very short to waste in self-judging.

my two cents.

[This message edited by missherlots at 4:47 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Yes, but I'm more of an "enjoy a good book at the local coffeehouse" type of person, or I'll happily go see a movie by myself. I want to take a class in something this fall or start singing again, so I think that's the NB direction I'll be going in for now. It would be nice to meet new people in a setting where we all have a hobby in common. Did you ever think about taking a foreign language, an art class, cooking class, or dancing class?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3573 | Registered: Oct 2011
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I don't go out drinking and dancing ever, so I don't do it alone. I really really don't like bars...too noisy.

But, I go out to dinner and to the movies alone all the time. It doesn't bother me at all.

At first, I stuck to times that were not popular with other people, such as an early dinner and a day time movie. Now, I can do these things alone anytime. Although, since I work nights and I'm off a lot during the week, I do tend to do things at off times anyways.

My IC told me once that a person isn't truly whole until they completely and totally embrace being alone. That includes doing things for yourself, by yourself. For me, it's been empowering to get on with my life and not put off doing things just because I'm single. In the end, I think it will be the thing that my children and friends and family will remember the most fondly about me...that I just got on with it.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 9:51 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Got2GO
Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I go out and do so many things by myself that it is actually very hard for me to do anything with someone else! And this is male or female. I was just invited to a five day cruise. I backed out because I just couldn't imaging having to deal with someone that long. I think that I must need help. Ever since getting rid of my ex just the thought of going to the movies with someone gives me the heebie geebies! I rather go alone. I am my best company.


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 109 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Hopeful Lady
Member
Member # 30441
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I would go to a lounge alone (which does have a bar) but where the focus is on music, not drinking. I would not go alone to a bar that just had drinking and I would not stay at a place where getting drunk is cool. I would make sure never to get drunk if Im out alone too. This is for safety. In short I feel okay going to a bar if I feel safe at that place and I always think of safety first if I'm alone, even when leaving stay alert, look around, make sure no one is following. I would never tell anyone that I'm alone in such places.

[This message edited by Hopeful Lady at 10:45 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2010
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I go out and do so many things by myself that it is actually very hard for me to do anything with someone else!

This ^^^^

I think some of us hit a 'reset' button that sends us back to childhood. I spent a lot of time on my own as a kid and enjoyed it a lot.

Just got back from a social weekend and it was a lot of fun, being so out of the ordinary for me, but I also enjoyed retiring to my hotel room alone afterwards.

I couldn't handle being stuck on a boat for five days!


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17323 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I go most everywhere alone these days, bars, restaurants and week long vacations. I do love to talk and meet new people so I always find someone to dance with.

Actually, when other women in groups find out I am there alone, they always invite me to join them.

I rarely let anyone know I am there alone, especially at a bar. I just say...my girlfriend is meeting me, she went to the bathroom, but she's not back yet, she met someone and is on the other side of the bar talking to them, etc. Safety first.

Its actually curbed the lonliness because I meet and talk with new people.

I would say go for it if you are thinking about it!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I did for awhile, not so much anymore.
Coffee shops with laptop, or sitting at a counter where you can watch tv so it's not awkward. The movies are great, no one cares, it's dark.
I did this during time of my deep healing.
Also got massages at massage schools (cheaper) when I had skin hunger (not sexual feelings but longing to be touched) For the sexual feelings, got a good BOB.
Exercise alone is always great too, just do your own thing. No one cares.
Hope this helps you.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I go to the movies alone. I love it. It's actually hard for me to go to the movies with people now ... the last movie date I went on, I kept having to shush him.

I also have trouble concentrating at home, so I got into the habit last semester of studying at a sports bar near my house. I go if it's not busy, sit at the end of the bar, and read textbooks. The bartenders are really friendly and understanding that I drink more water than beer, but they keep both glasses full, and I tip extremely well.

It's hard for me to justify the expense of eating out alone, so I don't do that much, but I do enjoy it too.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13689 | Registered: Jul 2011
idkam
Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I' m 40ish and i love going to the movies, restaurants and have going out by myself... I got to know the bartender and owner of the bar... Its no biggie to me so i say go for t...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1783 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I go most everywhere alone these days, bars, restaurants and week long vacations. I do love to talk and meet new people so I always find someone to dance with.

Actually, when other women in groups find out I am there alone, they always invite me to join them.

I rarely let anyone know I am there alone, especially at a bar. I just say...my girlfriend is meeting me, she went to the bathroom, but she's not back yet, she met someone and is on the other side of the bar talking to them, etc. Safety first.

Its actually curbed the lonliness because I meet and talk with new people.

I would say go for it if you are thinking about it!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Thanks for all the responses. I do a lot by myself now. Although I have never gone to a movie by myself.

OIAL; very brave to think about dancing.

Still looking to find my "inner hobby". I have lost some joy for the ones I use to have do to the past 18 months.

I may try going out alone. We will see.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Must, I do bootcamp as well and we have become close knit. I have been thinking of suggesting to meet for a drink one night. We probably wouldn't recognize each other in street clothes and makeup!!
Just a thought.....

[This message edited by soveryweary at 6:01 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 621 | Registered: May 2011
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I study on the weekends at Sbux. It is generally fairly quiet and I get a little people watching in. Mostly I shop alone, farmers markets, target, house things. I can't eat alone yet...and working up to movies alone :)

I have a core set of girlfriends and I'm usually hanging with one of them when I don't have the kids (which isn't often...)


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4112 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I am an only child, so I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I rather enjoy it... I have no problems doing things alone - movies, going out to eat, going to concerts... I do all of those frequently.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2216 | Registered: Feb 2010
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I grew up being used to doing things by myself, since that often made it easier to actually get out. I would love to spend more time with friends but have very few in the area, so I'm on my own a lot whether I want to be or not.

I love going to movies - as someone above said, no one cares; it's dark

I used to eat out alone but am trying to be more budget conscious and find myself thinking I could sit home and eat alone for a lot cheaper, so I don't eat out much anymore.

Rarely go out to bars - spent too much time following XWH around to all his bar-band gigs, being the doting band wife

What I'd love (and am still trying) to find is a group that's into my current hobby of soapmaking. The thing is, I'm new enough to it that I have no interest/ability in teaching, but I'd love to get together with like-minded crafting people. I just can't seem to find any. My one pretty good local friend keeps urging me to start a soapmaking meetup group, but I suspect that would generally mean I'm expected to teach others who might be interested... Again, not really at the teacher level.

Anyway, if you can at least give going out alone a try to various venues, you will probably find you enjoy it. If you don't, then you never need do that particular thing again.


Me: BW (54)
Him: WH (61)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Hi Must,

I've been working to expand my social circle (never easy!) but I do enjoy doing things alone too. I think the key is choosing the right venue/event for yourself. Such as...

I don't mind eating out alone in a casual atmosphere like Applebees or Starbucks. Sometimes I take a book or magazine so I'm not just staring out the window while waiting for my food to arrive. I would NOT feel comfortable alone at an upscale, "romantic" restaurant.

I LOVE going to movies alone, but I'm careful to pick the right movie. I don't want to see anything romantic, not alone... not with a friend either actually. Just not there yet in my process.

I would not feel comfortable at a trendy bar/dance venue simple because the crowd is so much younger than me. I DO feel okay going to the local country bar. The crowd is a wide age mix and at age 44 I usually feel right in the middle age-wise. Also they do lessons, which is a great way to get in the groove and meet people who you can chat with and dance with later in the evening after the lesson is over. Of course this will only work if you have something similar nearby and like country music... but it might be worth looking into.

Try your local community center. I took a 5 week series of salsa lessons. I learned the basics AND made some friends, and we have gone out to the salsa clubs a couple of times. This is something I wouldn't have been brave enough to do without knowing someone to go with.

Putting yourself out there can be sooo hard. But its worth it!! Go for it!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 749 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 25