Topic: Another rough night
Member # 29194
| Posted: 10:25 PM, July 6th (Saturday)|
Hello, I posted a few weeks ago about having a rough nite and I found myself in the midst of another one. XH has the kids for the weekend and I started out ok ( ran a 5k race this morning). But I've really reached a point where I feel like things aren't going to get better - I see an IC, take AD, try to focus on the kids. And, to be brutally honest, there is a part of me that thinks if i could make things look like an accident...
I can't be gentle with myself - I am trying to work fulltime, be a mom to a 5 and 3 yo, and just keep my head above water. I would try to change my AD but from an experience in my 20s, I have a very hard to treat depression and given the lack of good psychiatrists in our small town - well, if Zoloft isn't going to do the trick - I'm not sure they have any idea of what to do next.
I am so scared that this is my life
Posts: 126 | Registered: Jul 2010
Member # 39362
| Posted: 11:20 PM, July 6th (Saturday)|
I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. Try to remember that you'll move through this and it's temporary.
I'm introverted, as well, so I get how much deeper into the dark we go when we're alone with our thoughts.
Whenever I'm deep in darkness, I force myself to watch a silly, mindless movie. Last time, I laughed and cried so hard to 21 Jumpstreet. It was pretty awful, but got me over the hump that night.
Sending you lots of hugs and light.
There is always a rainbow after every storm.
Posts: 356 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Member # 39451
| Posted: 11:48 PM, July 6th (Saturday)|
Sorry to hear what you are going through, it is hard but we have to believe it will get better.
Today I took my twins to try to do a deal, it was a disaster, they both cried crazy to see strangers. We are still living in the same house while divorcing. I can not picture what the life ahead of me is going to be, very Tough with 5 yrs old and two 8 months old twin boys.
But nothing we can do other than keep going, whenever you feel depressed just get out and do something.
Or great idea to simply post your thought here to share with us, as I am in the same situation.
Hang in there, tomorrow will be better!
M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 8 months
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS has been chatting and flew/met many times with a Philippine girl (20 yrs younger)
Divorcing.... Sep.Agreement finalized on Oct 18
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken hea
Posts: 142 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 36060
| Posted: 12:29 AM, July 7th (Sunday)|
There is a ton you can do besides zoloft. Any psychiatrist who has spent more than 15 minutes in specialty training, no matter how small the town, should be able to offer some suggestions for a more difficult depression.
Be gentle with yourself in baby steps. The first step is to think of something relaxing that you enjoy. I would stay away from alcohol, but if you enjoy trashy novels or funny movies or pampering youself with a fancy smelly bath, a craft project, whatever you enjoyed before. The key is to make sure you're doing something for yourself, no matter how small. It will naturally build on itself with time.
The pain is excruciating, I am still there sometimes myself. As time goes on, recovery is quicker and the time between is longer. I still struggle when the kids are gone. Tell yourself, out loud if you have to, that this is temporary. Now sucks, but it won't last forever.
Doing the 5k was amazing, well done!
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
2 DS and DD all w/autism
Posts: 707 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Member # 31468
| Posted: 3:31 AM, July 7th (Sunday)|
Honey it will get better - you just have to keep going and keep getting the help you need.
Also keep posting. Reply often - it helps. (( Hugs))
Together 9 yrs
Status: Divorced 4/27/11
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 39193
| Posted: 1:59 PM, July 7th (Sunday)|
Sending big hugs to you. I don't have any wise words of advice, all I can say is you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. I never understood how someone could.. ah... you know, until I went through this. I had some very, very dark moments where I thought the same thing. I finally understood feeling pain that is so intense, you feel you cannot bear it for another moment, let alone another day, week, month, or year... and the idea of doing whatever it takes to make that pain stop. It was a very helpless, victimized feeling.
What helped me was focusing on my anger. I could not control anything about his actions but I was determined not to let him defeat me. At times it seemed like a losing battle, but finally I came out of that dark place. You will too, I promise. Your kids need you. Without you, they are going to be left with someone who doesn't understand commitment, and honesty, and doing the right thing. They deserve better, and so do you!
Hang in there.
Me: BS, 45 Him: XWH, 45
Together 8 yrs, married for 5
DDay 04.10.13 Divorced 05.14.13
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling
Posts: 567 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 26970
| Posted: 2:16 PM, July 7th (Sunday)|
..hearing you sarah
..believe in one thing>>>>
'the love that flows BOTH ways between you and your children'
..that special love that no-one and nothing can break..
..that tie, if nothing else, will hold you to keep fighting.
..this is a long journey, i won't try to deny it.. and a bumpy one too!!
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 41 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf
Posts: 4011 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
|Topic Posts: 7|| |