New Beginnings
User Topic: The Vow - Does that kind of devotion exist?
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

I recently watched this movie for the first time and it really struck a chord with me. It's the utter devotion and love that is depicted that really gets to me. I was talking about it to a friend of mine and I mentioned how I would really love to have someone care that much about me. She talked about how rare that kind of devotion is, which kind of surprised me since she is married. Obviously, she doesn't feel like she has that in her marriage, which is just so sad. I actually feel like I was that devoted to my X, seriously. (not in an unhealthy, smothering way ) It's a big factor in how long it has taken me to heal. I'm just now coming out of the hibernating (my friend calls it cocooning) stage, almost 4 years after X abandoned me and our marriage, 3 years after the divorce was final.

Anyway, what do you think about that? I know in my head that it exists since the movie is loosely based on a true story, and because I was that devoted, and because I know my parents were. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance about it, you know? That it's out there and there's hope for all of us to find that kind of love. With so much infidelity and divorce around, it's hard to think that way. (It's late, I'm tired, I'm sappy )

[This message edited by kernel at 11:34 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, July 7th (Sunday)

For me I guess it all comes down to actions versus words. XWH always seemed to be the most devoted husband ever - up to the day he walked out the door....

Yes I guess I will have some trust issues as I proceed lol...

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 7th (Sunday)

No, I think it is a movie. The "real life" story isn't that...sweet. You can google their names and read about it.

If that kind of devotion really exists, I've never seen it....

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4183 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 7th (Sunday)

I've seen it once. My first set of ex-in-laws. They were utterly devoted to each other. But they were very private people. They didn't parade their devotion around for everyone to witness. It was a very private and quiet love affair. If you didn't watch closely, you could miss it. It's more obvious now that FIL has passed on. MIL misses him like crazy.

So, they make me believe in true love and devotion, faithfulness and loyalty.
Whenever I am tempted to adopt a jaded and cynical view of love, I remember them.

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I was devoted to x. I had it so I think someone else can have it. Maybe one day I will experience this mutually. Sure it exists.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 9454
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

My grandparents were like that..Back in their day, they married for live...

Most people today marry and figure if it doesn't work out they can divorce...It takes two to work on a marriage, not just one..

I worked with a couple who had an arranged marriage, their parents and their faith arranged marriage..They have been married over 45 years..

I don't know if arranged marriages last longer, but that one did...

Maybe I should have had an arranged marriage...

Posts: 408 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: The Tarheel State, in the mts.
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I've been lucky to see it several times with grandparents, aunts/uncles.. and even cousins.

It exists... but I think it is built over years of trials and tribulations.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I thought WH and I had it. I was so wrong.

Maybe it exists. I don't believe I'll ever trust someone else enough to find it for myself.

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Where is the line between devotion and co-dependence?

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Broken hearted61
Member # 34931
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, July 8th (Monday)

What RoughRoadAhead said. Made me stop and think about it. Thanks!

BGF (50) me
WBF (50) him
DD#1 02/23/2012

TT 03/19/2012
Working on R (03/21/2012)
It's over: 5/5/12

Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, July 8th (Monday)

Where is the line between devotion and co-dependence?

This was my thought exactly. I think it's more important to be devoted to yourself than to anyone else. I would much rather have a partner whose values and morals align with my own, who is healthy and capable of loving and taking care of themself.

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and my parents for over 30 year, but I don't envy them. Just because they have been married that long doesn't mean that they are still happy together.

Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 8th (Monday)

XWH always seemed to be the most devoted husband ever - up to the day he walked out the door....

yep-for 25 years

I'm too old to believe in fairy tales

Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, July 8th (Monday)

I don't know about this movie, or fairy-tales, but I do think two people with similar values, big picture thinking and kind hearts can make it through anything life throws at them.

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 8th (Monday)

Oh God, I hope that love really does exist. I've only seen it from my grandparents who were married 60 years.

No other couples in my life (relatives, family, neighbors, my own) ever demonstrated that kind of love.

I wonder if it's a generational thing.

Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I think it does exist.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I have seen it and it does exist. My sisters have both been married for over 30 years. There were bumps in the road, including infidelity, but they are still getting to know each other (as my sister says).

I was that devoted to my husband and when others came to me and said "torn, he talks about you all the time". Its real.

Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 16