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Reconciliation
User Topic: The fucken inlaws
stillsad1970
Member
Member # 38977
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Sorry to curse but so necessary.
I was the greatest DIL ever. Then my husband had an affair with a coworker. Told me he didn't want to be married anymore.
We have since reconciled but in laws took too her just for their sons sake. She was a battered women don't you know, found out lies later,damsel in distress b.s . Now i hate I laws.
What do I do. Being all nice like nothing happened.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 7th (Sunday)


..nuthin' shits the bed more than the betrayal of the spouse, followed by the betrayal by 'The Fucken In-laws'..

..makes one's blood boil!!

..i'd be puttin' the BIG CHILL on them for quite a while.. fuck that 2-faced approach they're tryin' to pull.

..no way you need to roll over on this one.

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4125 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

No advice here, but just thought you could use a virtual hug from someone in the similar boat. My H had an A for over 2 yrs. His parents didn't know about it, but have accused me of making him miserable for those 2+ yrs. When I set them straight and told them the truth about what he had been doing and how his guilt made him miserable not me... I got the blame for him having the A. They have not spoken to me in over a yr. When we see them in public, they act like I am not there. On his birthday he threw his back out, his mom called 3 times crying cause she wasn't going to see him on his birthday. When he told her that they could come to our house to see him (hr seriously couldn't even walk without pain, no way he was driving), she said... not as long as she is there. At least once a WK she calls giving him the guilt treatment because he doesn't go see them every day he is off work. Today she called when we got home from church and started with her usual, we never see you... you your brother and your dad are all the family that I have...blah blah blah. He told her that she could have more family if she wanted, me and my three kids. Her response, no thank you and she hung up. This is a woman who use to gush over me...calling me the daughter she never had. My kids were the only grandkids she was ever going to have...

My decision, I don't need anyone in my life that treats me like crap. If you can't see what a wonderful caring person I am then its your loss.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
stillsad1970
Member
Member # 38977
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

You are right, not rolling over for this one. MIL is the biggest two faced see you next tuesday,ever. My husband said she was just being protective of him , F.U.
I remember going to their house after first day of R. She cried and said how happy she was to have me back. I told her ,I never left. Wow, I'm getting really effin angry right now. Good I guess.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

That's really hard, still sad.

I'd say try to get some healthy space from them. Not a war, and not NC, just some elbow room so you don't have to pretend like everything's fine.

What's really important is that your WH supports you and understands how this feels like a multiple betrayal. Perhaps he can talk with them and they can all come to some kind of apology, if they do feel remorse for bandwaggoning....

Either way, you shouldn't be subjected to playing nice-nice when your heart hurts.

(((stillsad1970)))


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17539 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, July 7th (Sunday)


..
MIL is the biggest two faced see you next tuesday,ever

..

'cracked me up!!!'

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4125 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
sri624
Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

i feel the SAME WAY!! my husband's family were talking to the ow during the separation. and his brother was even bad mouthing me to the ow....wow.

i told my husband they are not friends of the marriage.

i have nothing to say to them...and i dont think i can ever "let that go."

what's funny is that the ow was the one who shared that they were talking to her...rubbing it in my face. i hope they feel like idiots.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
sodamnsorry
New Member
Member # 37201
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

I don't have this issue but my inlaws do know. They never said anything to WH other than basically asking if I was letting him stay a few times. I adore them, I really do. I have to keep telling myself HE *IS* their son. If one of my boys ever did this - they'd get a talking to for sure but at the end of the day - my kids are my kids period. It's no different with my inlaws. WH is *THEIR SON* and they will always love and support him. Having crap for "parents", I actually envy that. Doesn't make me hurt less that they know and it wasn't ever discussed but it is what it is.


WS (me) 45- Dday was 9/20/2012
Wife 41 (sodamnlost on SI)
Together 9 years, married 5
Stepdad to 6 amazing kids (22, 21, 16, 15, 12, 10)

Trying wicked hard - never giving up.


Posts: 39 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Michigan
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Yes after my WH gave his parents a watered down version of what he did they guessed it was because I was so "dominating". WTF???? For real? He cheats on me and they flame ME??? I will never have a relationship with them again. Luckily they are 100's of miles away.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Runninggirl
Member
Member # 9973
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Same here. He tells them his version of "everything" He gets the "we just want you to be happy" pep talk from his parents.
Their "precious perfect" boy could not be to blame. CLEARLY I drove him to it. I feel really betrayed they took that stand. Really hurts.


Shock has worn off. Now the 'fun' begins.
After several years of solid R, (F)MOW
CHECKS IN in to say Hi~ H CHECKS OUT briefly and "forgets to tell me" because IT HADN'T gotten
physical this time. 4 months out again same MOW

Posts: 2852 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Valley
DoneWithLove
Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 7th (Sunday)

Avoid people that are or can be toxic to your relationship/M/R. Those people will make things harder for you two so its best to rid them as much as possible from your life becuase right now, if its not about you healing, it doesn't matter. Good luck


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, July 8th (Monday)

We are into r for a while, and this is still a sore point.

I really don't care about ow. Which still amazes me, because I assumed that I would really hate ow, be affected by her, and really, she's a non-entity. I've never been upset by her.

And wh. He was diagnosed as bipolar 1 and admitted a prescription drug abuse problem ( ow is a nurse... Convenient)

So who am I the most upset with... The in laws! I begged them to help when I found pills in wh bag when we visited them.. Nothing. They were friends with ow and even emailed about how to break the court order ... Ow wanted to see our kids at visits, and it was court ordered she not do that. They emailed about telling the kids her name was different, so if they were asked in court, they wouldn't perjur themselves.

My mil even emailed ow over and over bad mouthing me, saying gotta is not worth you getting upset, I'm so sorry she's acting like this... Thank you for helping my son... Gotta thinks she is so smart, even her mother will get tired if her attitude soon...

Stuff like that.

Now, mil is two faced & Hugs me, etc... we see them 2x a year, would love to stop that but the kids like their cousins who did nothing.

Should have known this would happen, my mil and sil wore black to our wedding. and the groomsman, a cousin, took wh aside before walking down the aisle and said, you want to back out, its not too late... I got the car outside and we can just go.

Great family!!!!


Posts: 1394 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 12