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Wayward Side
User Topic: this is what i know
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Basicly I know shit. I thought I knew. But I don't. If your like me you think your doing all this good stuff for her and you and your marriage. And yeah, you maybe doing that. But if you think that's enough? You couldn't be further from reality. What ever your doing or you think you have done...its not enough. Do more. Don't bother to ask if your doing all you can. Your not. Just do more. Don't look for others to pat you on the back for all you do for your wife and family. Do more. Just shut your selfish ass up and do more. And that's the lesson for today boys and girls.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Question: Who are you doing "not enough" for? Who are you healing for? Who are you bettering yourself for?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 8th (Monday)

^^^ Aubrie asks some great questions. Remember that even if your wife and family were gone tomorrow, you would still need to do this work BY and FOR yourself.

Wherever you go in life, there you are.

You can't run away from yourself.

True words to live by.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2232 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Doesn't matter at this point. Me, my wife, my family. Who ever it is, its not enough. Just do more. Whether you think or you know you have done all you can. You haven't . Just do more. Its simple. Feel like a NIKE commercial. When you get complacent and think "oh this feels good" stop and then say. "I need and can do more."

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 8th (Monday)

So what has prompted this mini-meltdown?

Did you get complacent?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Not a meltdown. Just where I am. What I have learned. Honestly I don't know if I would have it in me to go and do this without my wife or children. If I didn't have them then there really wouldn't be a need. But I do have them for the time being and that's why I will just keep doing more

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Not claiming I don't need such reminders, but: speak for yourself. Own your feelings, instead of deflecting with "you" and "your."

ETA: we cross-posted. That was better.

[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 3:01 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1237 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, July 8th (Monday)

If I didn't have them then there really wouldn't be a need.
I call bull.

You being screwed up has nothing to do with your wife and family. If they pack up and leave tomorrow, you are still you. Do you like you?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Truth is I like myself more now than I ever have. I'm proud of the progress I have made and continue to make. And you can bull or whatever all you want. It just comes down to wether or not one is truely able to keep going. When they think they have gone as far as they can go. Can the pick it up and keep going. Just do more.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I hear you, scream.

I feel like this process has taught me that anything worth having, anything worthwhile, needs your all. We get complacent in life, take the easy way out, do just enough.

I have learned that constantly putting energy into what matters is so fulfilling. Even when you think it's enough, do more.

I get it .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38085 | Registered: Sep 2007
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Honestly I don't know if I would have it in me to go and do this without my wife or children.

and

Truth is I like myself more now than I ever have. I'm proud of the progress I have made and continue to make.

Says that as long as the family is in the picture you'll try, if they weren't you might go back to the POS cheater many of us here have been too.

Also says that the post could have been looking for someone to pat you on the back, a little external validation.

Aubrie called it correctly, so do you want to tell us what the real deal is or are you going to stick with your just giving us an FYI?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Just do more

Do more what? The fact you state that if you didn't have your wife and kids there'd be no need is a huge red flag to me. More is not necessarily better especially if you've concluded your reason is external. That means your results will be external as well and tied to other's responses. Bad plan.

Like Aubrie points out. Your reasons weren't external so focusing that direction is missing the point. 

Look, it's quite possible your choices were deal breakers. No surprise there, right? The choice to cheat is irrevocable. That some can work through that choice no way changes that fact. Making yourself a safe person for you, your partner (or future partners), and your children is the only way through this self created mess. 

Dysfunction is not situational. It's not a little pocket that is isolated. Those thought processes bleed into every aspect of our lives. How we interact with others. How we respond to life's stresses. How we approach each day. 

If you are working through this with the expectation of keeping another in your life and saving a relationship you've already lost. That's not in your control. What is in your control is you. How you respond. How you identify areas that need work. How you deal with your feelings and react to actions from yourself and others. 

You may not need "more" but completely different. It may not look like much to anyone else but you'll know it by how you feel about your choices. You'll be the quality control. You won't do something then check to see how it's received. You'll be able to tell if it's right or not. Feeling good may be a long way off as the "right" way might be uncomfortable for quite some time. It has been for me. 


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I don't know why this is such a hard thing to understand. As a ws, just keep going. You may think you are doing everything you can. But the truth is there is always more. Stop being a self pitting little shit. You fucked up big time. Suck it up and do more. Get your heads out of your asses and do more for the ones that matter. You made the choices. Now live with them. If you chose to stay....do fucking more. Why is that so hard. And if I didn't have my family and I didn't keep working on myself. Who would know but me. And my reasons for being would be gone. So if I did keep working then that would just be for me. Not anyone else. I work at myself now for me, for her and for them. No one else

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Stop being a self pitting little shit. You fucked up big time. Suck it up and do more. Get your heads out of your ass

Couldn't have said it better.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I don't know why this is such a hard thing to understand.
Oh I understand completely. I also know my boundaries. I can only do so much for my husband. The rest is up to him. All part of that crap sandwich bit. He has the choice to swallow it or not. And yes, it's terribly unfair. But, he has the choice to stay or leave.

I won't do "anything, everything, beyond, and more" to keep him "happy". That slides into abuse territory and doesn't fix the actual issue. There is only so much I can do for him. The rest is up to him. He has choices.

I sense anger in your posts Scream. What's that about?

I just don't get the feeling that this thread is a P.S.A for "Do more". More like an anger/PA/vent to berate yourself. JMHO

[This message edited by Aubrie84 at 4:25 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, July 8th (Monday)

There is some anger. There is truth and there is just knowing what I I know. I'm angry at the situation that my marriage is in. Its true that no matter how much you do you need to do more. That is what I know. Its not a vent. Its just a stating of facts. To much self pitty is where the bull is. And I see a lot of that. Not just myself but in posts. Just throwing a 2x4 out. It hits where it needs to

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I don't know why this is such a hard thing to understand.

I think it's the presentation. As a detached observer, It wasn't until your fourth post on this thread that I could interpret your intention. I could not distinguish between if this was meant to be advice, observation, a motivational thread, or a venty pity party. Text doesn't really carry tone of voice very well.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
AdamsApple
New Member
Member # 39262
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Scream: I saw no stop sign. As a BS, I like your message. I feel that WSs dig a deep hole with As and they need to work extra hard to dig out of them. I was crushed by my WWs A and feel that she needs to talk to me in my love language times 10. So far I'm still waiting, while she works on herself.

Keep working extra hard. Your BS will appreciate it.

[This message edited by AdamsApple at 9:36 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:51 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I think it's the presentation. As a detached observer, It wasn't until your fourth post on this thread that I could interpret your intention. I could not distinguish between if this was meant to be advice, observation, a motivational thread, or a venty pity party. Text doesn't really carry tone of voice very well.

This is why I haven't quite been able to respond yet.

What's up, scream? What's going on?


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Hey J. Been awhile. Nothing up. If my tone didn't come across clearly. Then I'm sorry. But it was just me saying things as I see them. We have been in this ws made mess for over a year, and this is what I have come to know. Not sure year 2 is any harder than year one, but its more about moving past the shock and awe and getting to the next level of healing. In doing so I think more real feelings are expressed by the bs and that doesn't leave the ws the option of being a coward. This maybe where the ones that really want it have to step up and do something about it. Grow up and make a choice.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

BS here.

I'm with AdamsApple, I like your message. I think too often both BS and WS can become so engrossed in trying to fix themselves that they lose sight of trying to fix the marriage.

I am in no way implying that it is not vitally important for both BS and WS to work on themselves, that is HUGE. But flip, my WS really hurt me and our marriage by his actions, it means a great deal to me when he puts some hard work into making amends and making our marriage a safer, happier place for us to be. The harder he works at that the more I can see his remorse. Just my personal opinion, take it or leave it.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1023 | Registered: Oct 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Ok, I think I get what page you're on now.

Not sure year 2 is any harder than year one, but its more about moving past the shock and awe and getting to the next level of healing.

So very true. I don't think we even realize how much shock/denial there is in the first year. Year two is easier in that reality is more clearly defined, but harder in that there's no escaping what actually happened.

Working HARD, and as a team is what makes it bearable. Good message, scream. Please say hello to Teach8 for me.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

You don't have a healthy marriage till you have 2 healthy people. I'm not surprised that those who only know 1 side of the street "BS" applaud a WS who just says "Do more". Well we kinda know that already at least the ones doing the hard work, the ones posting and contributing and saying what they do more of and what is working for them, sharing their issues on a regular basis.. Doing more means what? Sure we can wax ecstatic about tirelessly working to save our dear BS from the horrible pain we inflicted and some want that, it works for them in a sad sick way but to each their own.
So you want more

More self flagelation?
More selfless acts to the point of unhealthy?
More unflinching focus on the BS till the WS bleeds out so the BS can have their pound of flesh?

Maybe this would be helpful if we said what we do more of? There is a balance that needs to happen when dealing with A's. Off balance XYZ is exactly what landed some of us here and continuing that off balance approach is useless.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Maybe scream's trying to say that for the WS that thinks they've hit a wall and done all they can do, there's actually no such thing as that wall?

Sure, his post was vague, but what I'm getting out of this now that he's clarified is that throwing your arms up and saying "Well shit, I've done everything I can do" is detrimental to the process.

I agree that it would be good for you to incorporate the mindset that healing from within and for yourself is critical to the overall goal though, scream. But I think I get the gist of your post now. Let's keep the convo rolling.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

there's actually no such thing as that wall?

Actually there is a wall. A wayward making all the right choices and decisions and moving forward does not guarantee that it will fix his marriage or make their BS happy/healthy.

Sometimes it was a deal breaker and the BS just wont admit it or stays for the kids/finance etc. and yet the WS is supposed to just "Do more"? No, when that is the case then an exit strategy must be put into place for both parties.

Why can we tell waywards to GET healthy, but then tell them to make UNhealthy choices and take whatever comes? On this site and IRL I have seen abuse, DM, RA's all excused because well the wayward deserved it.

I'm sorry, I am working my ass off, but I will not be a whipping boy to satisfy others desires. Luckily I haven't had to deal with that personally, but I have seen enough to have a strong feeling about it. I don't mind being the only one in this boat.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Whatever anyone takes from this. I don't really care. HL...your right to each his own. I know what I know for myself. If you don't like or agree so be it. I just know from what I do and don't do. And there it is. And if a BS wants a pound of flesh...guess what? Maybe they deserve atleast that.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Well as a "BS" I got what he was saying and I certainly don't want a "pound of my WH#2's flesh" or him to "bleed out" helping me get over what he did to me and our marriage. I want a healthy spouse who is willing to put his all into our marriage the way I have always done. Marriage is a constant work in progress and each of us can always "do more" to make it better for each other as well as ourselves.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I just know from what I do and don't do.

What was that? What do you do?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I work on myself. I work on my marriage. Sometimes I'm good at and sometimes not. But its not a job. Its a marriage. Its 2 people trying to give of each other. And the truth is I fucked up. I betrayed every vow I made to my wife. So if I say that I need to do more than I do. If you think you have done enough or that you just don't want to then good for you. I couldn't disagree more. But that's just my on thoughts. Whatever works for you and your wife. Do you think you've done enough? Does your wife? Its funny how so many people have gotten so into this one. Makes you think. Maybe have done the things that matter. Maybe some do need to do more. Or maybe some just need to cut and run.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Its been awhile since I have felt protective of my wh...but I do. I am scream's bs. Scream doesn't always express everything he means that well...yes he is working on that and himself...A LOT! He is in ic...we are learning to communicate better with mc. However, according to many. many sources both books and this site, thee are certain things that a remorseful spouse can do for the betrayed. Scream wasn't necessarily doing all of these. I don't hold scream accountable for my happiness or my choices. But ya know what, knowing he wants to do more is a comfort to me. It helps me to know that he wants to help in my healing...not be responsible for it...just help more. If you read the lifeboat...which is one of the best things on this site, there is a place for him in my healing and I'm glad he wants to be a part of it. He can't make up for what he did, but he can help me learn to trust him again. Yes, by getting healthy, growing, learning, working on himself, but also being a bigger part of my healing as well. And honestly, I need that.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Beautifully put, Teach8. Good to see you.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Excellent post/s you two!!

Good to see you both


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198328 | Registered: May 2002
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Really what matters is the communication that is happening between the two of you, and that is apparent.

Glad to see you're on the same page and helping each other heal.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38085 | Registered: Sep 2007
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Awww...thanks. It's good to see you too. I don't know why I don't post more but I read ALL the time. I know I should post more...I think I'm almost there. :) And thank you DS!!!


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

That's my wife. She wants more, she needs more. I'm going to do more. HL, its just that simple.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

scream, I am glad you are doing more. Guess I just expect a little more than "do more" and was trying to see what you thought was more. You couldn't, that's fine. Good luck


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Scream,
Your last post reminded me of something between me and LD (my BH) that happened a couple of weeks ago.

I went to work and told LD I had a staff meeting and a training afterwards. He misinterpreted it when I emailed him after the staff meeting(which I always do when I'm at my office once/week, which can be triggery for him). I said meeting and staff training is done.

He said, "I thought you were training a new volunteer?" I said, "No, it was a staff meeting and staff training afterwards."

I felt a triggery vibe from him because the information was confusing so I emailed him the staff email that was sent as a reminder, breaking down the itinerary for that morning.

He told me later that I didn't have to do that. I said I know, but I had it in my emails and I figured forwarding it would calm his mind a little bit, so he could see exactly what my morning was.

So, my long winded point it...LD is responsible for his own healing, but if I can do more, anything else to help him, why the hell not???

(and we are almost 6 years out)


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38085 | Registered: Sep 2007
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I can't define more for you. More for me would be to really listen to her and impliment the things she needs to help her heal. To talk more about what I'm doing, what we are doing together. But to be the one to bring it up. Not wait till she is so frustrated it becomes an arguement. So the more may be different or similar for any

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

scream, you did just define it. You are saying you are taking the lead in the healing for both of you. Right? Taking the initiative.

That is a good "more". That is something all waywards should do regardless.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

HL...you just nailed it. I've asked scream to take the lead. To be a bit more proactive in our recovery as a couple. He is wonderful when I want to talk or in answering questions. He has been great about going to ic every single week for a year. I just needed him to take the next step. There was a lot of not ever being the one to bring things up...think he's been afraid to rock the boat. He's been afraid to hurt me by taking the lead...couldn't see how bringing things up would do anything but hurt me more. It is difficult for a bs to explain why some of us nned that. I needed it. I think scream is finally getting it. I am proud of him for that. And I also know that he doesn't always explain things clearly the first time around. And AN...I truly hope that 6 years down the road...scream will still be as thoughtful as you were. And I hope I can be for scream.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

HL...you just nailed it. I've asked scream to take the lead. To be a bit more proactive in our recovery as a couple. He is wonderful when I want to talk or in answering questions. He has been great about going to ic every single week for a year. I just needed him to take the next step. There was a lot of not ever being the one to bring things up...think he's been afraid to rock the boat. He's been afraid to hurt me by taking the lead...couldn't see how bringing things up would do anything but hurt me more. It is difficult for a bs to explain why some of us nned that. I needed it. I think scream is finally getting it. I am proud of him for that. And I also know that he doesn't always explain things clearly the first time around. And AN...I truly hope that 6 years down the road...scream will still be as thoughtful as you were. And I hope I can be for scream.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Didn't think anything had to be explained. It was pretty self explanitory. Just do more. What ever you think that means for you

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
scream
Member
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

HL. I know that some people were worried about our interactions here on this post. Even my wife was afraid I would say something to you and get kicked off of SI. Really nothing you posted bothered me. I hope you were posting honestly and were thinking about this subject as much as I was. I really liked all the responses and peoples thoughts on the subject. So please don't stop if you have more to say. And to everyone that has posted, thank you. For someone who doesn't like to talk much I have enjoyed hearing from you and responding.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2012
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

scream its all good. To me there were 2 things going on.

1. I was trying to get you to be specific as that is what helped and continues to help me. What you finally defined as what your doing is something I was posting to someone else yesterday which was funny as hell to me. So sharing is great, but there is power in giving a specific as that adds to all our tool boxes as we try to fix what we blew up. When others put up generalizations or blanket statements we will question it.

2. The one place a waywards voice shouldn't be drowned out or ignored is the Wayward forum and it happens. Or you have wayward's who are looking for validation from BS's and they jump on an unhealthy band wagon just to avoid conflict.

You seemed earnest in your post and I didn't want that to get lost in the minutia. Many times out of the passionate exchange of views is when some really great learning can take place. It can get uncomfortable for sure, but I think most of us got to wayward doing what was comfortable so to me I have to flip it and be willing to get uncomfortable to ensure I learn a different way.

Hope to see more of you on the board scream!


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Topic Posts: 44