Wayward Side
User Topic: Unexpected.
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, July 8th (Monday)

On sunday we were diving together with some friends. We were having a great weekend. LH gave me a hug in a surface intervals between dives on Sunday and then as we were hugging he just said "I forgive you".
Just like that. Out of the blue...Huh? I replied a little taken aback.
"I forgive you for having a A".
"Really? Honestly?"
"Yes. I'm tired of being angry. It still hurts a lot that you had an A; but I forgive you."

Wow. I mean WOW.

This is huge. HUGE.

It hasn't really sunk in. I keep expecting things to back track. Not really sure how to feel but so, so grateful.

We've both come a long way, but it wasn't so long ago he still wasn't sure how this was going to pan out...part of me can't help but wonder if he wants to forgive so much he's said it, but might realise one day he actually hasn't. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just wasn't sure this day would ever come. And certainly not so soon.

He even said he'd renew vows with me one day. Again, wow.

Taking it one day at a time...

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I love seeing marriages continue to recover! Gives me a happy feeling to read posts like these.

I am glad for you guys.

Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10


Posts: 2232 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Love this OKM. Love it.

Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 6317 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, July 8th (Monday)


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I''''m so happy for the two of you!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Mrs Panda
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Super cool!

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 513 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, July 8th (Monday)

So happy for you.

As a BS, I can say that while your husband has "chosen" to forgive you, it will clearly be some time before he is truly past the A. He will likely go through cycles of feeling okay about it, not thinking about it much, to being unable to stop thinking about it and getting angry and/or sad.

There have been times I have brought something up about the A and to my husband, he saw this as a sign that I had not truly forgiven him. But that wasn't true at all. I chose to forgive him, but that doesn't mean my wounds aren't still gaping and that I'm not wrestling with "how could he do this to me"?

The fact that your husband chose to forgive you is, indeed, a huge step. He is, at the very least, in the early stages of truly forgiving and working through what it means to forgive. Sometimes we just have to choose to act on something we are having a hard time completely feeling just yet. Same with love. Sometimes we choose to show acts of love to someone we are having a really hard time "feeling" love for, whether a spouse, or an in-law or anyone in our lives. And the more we follow through with these acts of love, the feelings of love tend to follow. I think it can be similar with forgiveness. We choose to say the words "I forgive you", and may not even know if we really, truly feel whatever it means to feel like we've totally forgiven someone. I hope that makes sense!

Anyway, just thought I'd offer my two bits as a BS who has had to forgive not once but twice (same A, continued after it was supposedly ended). The second time around was a lot harder, believe me.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

This is wonderful to hear.
(((OM & LH)))

FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Thanks guys.
Patchy - I understand and think that it would be most abnormal not to continue to cycle up and down.

And you know what I really felt like him saying it was a release for him rather than something for me; but it sure was good to hear.

Regardless, we keep moving on...keep working, it's just good to know where he is.

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Awesome story! Keep up the good work!

Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

So nice to hear!

Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D

Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
I think I can
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I remember that. I'm so happy for you!

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8828 | Registered: Jan 2008
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38093 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 34692
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am so happy to see this. I don't post much, but I look for anything written by you or LH as we share the same d-day. I was so sorry to read about the loss of your cat. I would be devastated to lose my Hercules (my 100 pound lap dog ) right now. But it was heart warming that is was such a bonding moment for the two of you.

Me - BW
Him - FWH
DDay 10-29-11 2 month EA 1 time PA
He had ended it 10-28-11
Broke NC 12-20-11
S 12-21-11 filed D 1-4-12
R started/H moved home 2-8-12
2 wonderul boys 17 & 14(now 20 & 17)
Now we have a beautiful grandson!
Married 19 years(n

Posts: 229 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 17