User Topic: Raise your hand if you FB stalk OW
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 8th (Monday)

That would be me. Not as often as I used to,but WH is out with a friend tonight(most definitely a friend of our marriage...he ripped WH a new one over his A and holds him accountable,so no worries there). What do I do? Yep. FB stalk OW. She got married last month...there were pictures on FB of her,the new H,and their new blended family. No,he doesn't know-I never told him,don't plan on it,but that's another post

I have to rant and be bitchy and catty here,because there's nowhere else I can let it out. She's ugly. Ugly. and the complete and utter opposite of me. Short light hair,tall,a bigger girl(not fat,though). No one anyone would look twice at. Tooting my own horn here,but heads still turn when I walk in a room. Did he do it on purpose,choose someone my complete opposite? Was it easier to cheat with someone who didn't remind him of me? Did he need to try something else? Progress,though,because the one question I am not asking myself is whether or not there was something wrong with me.

Knowing she got married has me doubting WH's account of their "relationship"...she posted on FB that she met the guy who is now her husband around the same time she stopped sleeping with WH. He said he ended it,she said it was a mutual decision. WH and I are solidly in R,and making progress. I'm healing,and he's doing whatever he can,whenever he can, to help. I have zero doubts that it's over,so I'm trying to self talk my way through those doubts. FB is the freaking devil.

Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery) all our

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 8th (Monday)

i do. and her bf. they just moved in together around dday.

I haven't told her bf yet so I stalk. I told the husband if she gets engaged or he gets a new job I'm telling.

I went for like 4 days without checking her out and then the husband got invited to hang out with work friends. She was invited so he didn't go.

I hate her so much.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 8th (Monday)

I don't now, but I can empathize with the slightly obsessive level of attention to the OW at an analogous time in my journey through infidelity. I think for me it was trying to put together all the pieces, trying to make it make sense. Eventually, it all became inconsequential. Hope you get there soon, too.

You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3890 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Member # 37247
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Hahaha, I probably would but she blocked me. Bitch. What did I ever do to her? Besides marry the man she fell in love with, lol

D day Sept 2011
D Day # 2 March 15, 2013 (he never stopped the first affair, it went underground)
Me BW 36
Him WH 37
One little guy: 26 months
Status: Seperated, Divorcing

" Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Ro

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I used to but its.private now I do see pix every once in a while, her DD is followed by mine on instagram.
I store her pics in my phone and put mustaches on her face...yea I'm easily amused.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:08 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Alex CR
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Occasionally I look. Didn't find OW's facebook until a couple years after DDay so I didn't even know what she looked like for a long time. But I don't look much now. It's always photos of her at another bar with another drink and it's kinda' boring to look at a 50 year old barfly.

I store her pics in my phone and put mustaches on her face...yea I'm easily amused.

This though, made me snort my coffee.....thanks for the great laugh to start the day!

BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Nope, we blocked her and the alter egos she used to keep sending us messages.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I check her out occasionally. I have noticed that every time she peeks at my fWH's LinkedIn page she changes her picture on FB to one with full face of makeup and whatnot. Too bad my fWH closed down his FB page so that she couldn't contact him that way (like others posted she tried using a fake account to break NC.) He will never see her glamour "I'm a cheatin' whore" shots.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I don't. Looking at those pictures = one-way ticket on the express train to crazy town to me. Every time I give into the urge to look, I regret it immensely.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6805 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

After I finally tracked down her FB, she used a combination of her 11 yr old daughters name and her name, I would check it once a day. But she never puts any pics of herself on it, only NASCAR pics, and she only has 10 friends. Three of those are her grown kids. She is boring to watch. I sent her a message on FB and she blocked me. Every once in a while I check her kids FB on the FB that my FWH and I share now (she doesn't know about it so we aren't blocked on it). There are NO pics of her on any of them. Even pics of their hs graduation, are all of their dad and step mom. Same with her daughters son, no pics of her with him but plenty with all his other grandparents. I have decided she isn't worth it, seems her kids would agree. One of her daughters posted this... "I'm back and better than ever, I know I am better than my mother"

Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I did for a while but I blocked her. It was really freeing.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 603 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I used to - two of them. One changed her profile to private and since she lives across the country, we don't have any mutual friends. The other one blocked me in a fit of fury when I commented on her 'poor me' posts with statements that she brought it on herself. We do have mutual friends and one lets me know when she does something particularly entertaining (she was always that person you kept on fb just to laugh at her drama). I still check up on one. I've known her since jr high and she is 7 kids of crazy and a compulsive liar. While she was sleeping with my current husband, she was also having a fling with my ex husband (sick, right). Anyway. I just like to see the tone of her posts so I can be on higher alert when she's 'broken hearted' or reminiscing about 'the one who got away'.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I have, now it's only occasional. FB was the means she used to reconnect with my H ~ an old HS flame. Her FB use dropped dramatically once he dropped her. She quit playing the game they had shared ~ even though she had plenty of other fellow players left.

Her occasional posts are typically boring ~ as is her life, which is why she went looking for online romance, I suppose.

excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I check out her page every once in a while. Also, I track her on pinterest.

After I contacted her through fb to get the details on the A, she changed her name on fb, opened a new account, etc. My assumption is she did it so I couldn't track her. Little does she know I know ALL her aliases (we're up to 4), her place of employment, home address, cell phone number, relatives on fb....I even know how much she paid for her house!

She considers herself a "computer nerd" but for someone who claims to be so techie, she is amazingly unsecured on the web.

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38817
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Yep, I used to be obsessed with watching both OW. I finally blocked them, and my stupid wannabe OW cousin. Both OW friended a bunch of FWH's friends/family (most didn't know the situation) for "sympathy." I quickly got sick of seeing the crap on my newsfeed so BLOCK! Felt good to let go, honestly.

BW (me): 30
WH (him): 31
Taking R one day at a time

"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Posts: 99 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: North Carolina
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Very rarely, but I did today. I heard they were moving and wondered if I could find out where. Don't know, but people were commenting "out there" and her sister in law was writing "it won't be the same" so I'm assuming it's nice and far away.

It doesn't really make a difference at this point though. I have no idea whether or not they really went NC. (I'm starting to suspect not as WH has been really down lately ... hmmn)

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

No. I blocked her. When I found she was stalking me on SI, I had my kids block her on FB, too---using every email address WS was willing to offer up.

I am not sure she's unable to stalk me, but don't really care any more. Conversely, I have no interest in her pathetic lie of a life. I've had enough pain; I don't need to harvest more.

Incidentally, I also have blocked WH on FB. I have no idea whether he's still in touch with her, but that's where they discovered they were star-crossed lovers, and I have no interest in seeing anything from her on his wall.

Or--even more--anything from him.

Blocking is tremendously freeing.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8829 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Yep, raising my hand. Although, I wouldn't say stalk. I didn't know it had a FB page for a long time. Then, I found it. I visited its page once in awhile 'cause OW was so pathetic and stupid, always acting the victim, it was actually amusing to me and I didn't trigger.

Now, OW deleted its page. No more laughs at OW's expense. It doesn't bother me at all that it deleted its page. Actually, I hope it deleted its page because it couldn't stop looking at my happy FB page. OW blocked and unblocked me many times.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Blocked her when she friended the daughter of my friend with whom she would have had no reason to contact...(like an ex coworkers 9 years ex)....long story, but she clearly was trying to see what's going on on this end!

Before that...absolutely! I used to post happy pictures of hubby and I all the time!!!

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Blocked her when she friended the daughter of my friend with whom she would have had no reason to contact...(like an ex coworkers 9 years ex)....long story, but she clearly was trying to see what's going on on this end!

Before that...absolutely! I used to post happy pictures of hubby and I all the time!!!

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)


I can"t do the cut and paste with my phone at the moment, but the last 2 lines of your post made me

I had a similar experience with our wannabe OW. Good for you and your happy pics!

excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I have an alternate FB account. Through that I befriended xOw1's new H. The one she told me she was M when I called her just after my d-day for the A with xOw2. Why do I have him as a friend? Honestly, I like having the power of knowledge over her. There is something in her life, no matter how benign, that she doesn't know. She doesn't know I found out her M name. She doesn't know this person on her H's friend's list is her former friend, the woman she helped betray.

It also helped because in late '07, we went to a game at our old college. I saw a woman that looked suspiciously like xOw1. She suddenly threw her arms around a tall white guy (she's half Korean) and buried her face in his chest. Once I found the FB page, I realized that was him (they're big tailgaters at the college games). I'm actually thrilled. She got to see me at looking great without trying, I was at my lowest weight thanks to the ID and she has gained weight. My only regret is MrH was walking ahead, as he usually does. but I had my cute DD hanging off of me and DS nearby and they're what matter to me the most.

I also have xOw2's xBH as a friend. I do this out of guilt. I had proof they were filing for D (MD puts court records online). I hesitated telling him of the A because MrH's job was at risk, hers wasn't. I found the xBH's FB after the D was final and I realized he likely wouldn't have gone after the job. While I wouldn't mind MrH's @ss getting kicked, I didn't want the kids to suffer. Justification, I know. So I'm friends with the xBH and check in now and then, making sure they aren't deciding to date again (like some do after D). If they do, I will tell the whole truth. I ask here now and then as to whether I should tell him anyhow, but I never get many responses and usually they're split. A deep part of me feels like I could solve the mystery of the end of his M, another part of me says he's escaped from the truth and the deep deep pain, I can give him the gift of sparing him that.

I don't stalk or obsess. In fact, I nearly forgot the login info the last time. I simply rest in knowing I could upend either xOw's world by sharing the truth of their actions. Even more, knowing that even at my weakest, I made better choices than they did. Except maybe about the xBH.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11216 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

OW1 and OW2 both blocked me! Me, the big bad nasty WIFE However, I've logged in under another name and looked at some of their pics and had a laugh.

On one of OW1's photos, she written 'I look like an overinflated basketball'. Um, yep you sure do

OW3 doesn't have a FB page but I'm not that interested in her - I feel sorry for her, she's stuck with WH now!

Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
New Member
Member # 39457
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Used to while I was trying to work on the marriage, then stbxh broke NC with The OW that was causing the trouble between us, for the umpteen time, and contacted another ex for the exit move cherry on top.
When that happened I told stbxh to take down all photos of me, and I blocked stbxh and OW, felt soooo good! That's what I call going "dark"

[This message edited by darklilly23 at 9:06 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39394
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I do. Her page is an open book (other than the LTR with my husband). Yesterday she posted an article about how we need to encourage girls to explore their sexuality so that they can feel free to initiate with men when they get older. I don't disagree with the thought but the fact that sexual issues were one of the reasons my husband felt he deserved an affair and she posted it the day after telling me they were still together makes me think she suspects I check her out on FB and makes me think I should stop. I just check periodically to get a sense of her mood, to see if they were still together (fewer posts during their off times)

BW 51
WS 50
DD -- which time?
Married 24 yrs, 2 kids 19 and 22
Reconciling maybe?-- Nope, false alarm. He continued to lie, I asked him to leave. Plan on divorce.

Posts: 65 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 25