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User Topic: I miss a lot...
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

But most of all I miss not thinking about his cheating. I miss back then, when my thoughts were filled with Dr. Appt. sports practices and what I needed to pick up for dinner. When my head was filled with nothing..well, nothing about cheating or lies and betrayal. I miss being kiss hello. I miss being kissed goodbye. I miss being kissed in general. I miss not being filled with self hate and doubt. I miss being able to enjoy life. I miss being happy inside. I miss feeling content and safe. I hate now. I am filled with hate, suspicion and resentment. I feel like i am trapped in a bad lifetime movie. I just want to yell "fuck you!!" To every person I see. I am afraid sometimes instead of a hi or hello...i will blurt out FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FFFFFUUUUCCCKKK YYYYYOOOUUUUUUUUUU! Sorry


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I feel the same way. Sometimes I can't remember what is,was like to not be suspicious . I no longer trust my own judgement. Geez I can't even order off of a restaurant menu without 2nd guessing. I'm cranky and irritated. Some days I want to grab him and not let him leave, other days I want to kick him in the balls. I miss normal.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
hurt314
Member
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Oh I know what you mean. I miss all those things too. It's so hard to feel like a completely different person than you once were.

I miss the sense of normalcy.


Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

((((sunflower))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
WhatsRight
Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I miss being held. By anyone. He doesn't hold me. The kids - teenagers - don't hug me. Sometimes when I see my brother in law, I give him an extra long hug. When he looks at me with a question mark, like, "What's wrong?", I just say I was needing a hug.

Recently my 13 year old dog died. She drowned in our pool. It was my fault. She was blind and went outside - on the other side of the house - to pee. I should have watched her every minute.

After it happened, I was curled up in a ball, sobbing for hours. Not one of my boys, or my husband 'held' or hugged me. (I did get a sympathy card...yes...a card...from them the next day.)

I don't know how a person can see someone in such pain and do NOTHING.

Sorry for the t/j, but I was trying to express that I know what you are feeling. Just to be 'back', before all of this was happening.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 5