User Topic: I did it!!!!!
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I told him that its time to make it official, to end our relationship, that I know he's not coming back despite saying he is (if he was, he would be back by now)

He moved in with OW the day after i found out about the A, but he kept telling me he loved me and was coming back, i held on all this time, waiting and hoping, not accepting that the man I just spent almost 23 years with would choose OW over me and his kids

He kept coming back and forth until 3 months ago when I told him that I dont want to see him anymore as long as she is a part of his life, so havent seen him since March 22, he hasnt been in to see his daughter, has never seen his 4 month old grandchild and has seen DS once in the last year and a half

I finally got the courage to say it is over (and mean it, have said it before) but this time, it is over, I love him but hate what he has done to us, but I need to accept it for what it really is. He wants to be with OW, not me, not his family, not our new home, not his life

He has a new life, a new family, and its time for me to move on officially. Its time to let go of the hope that he is coming back

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)


You chose YOURSELF. That's wonderful!

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

You can hold your head up and honestly say you did all that you could have and this sets firmly on his shoulders regardless of who has to make it official.

Best wishes on the next chapter of your life.

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Good for you!!! You deserve better than what this POS has given you. I know it still hurts now, but it will get better once you finally let go. (((HUGS)))

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Congrats!!! No spouse should ever be a second choice. Period.
Stay strong.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8691 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 37577
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

((((((Sunshine)))))) good for you!! Time to take care and live for YOU!

Me: betrayed.
Him: WH 46...multiple ONS, in therapy. A work in progress.
D-Months: Nov & Dec 2012. TT.
Married 4 years, together 5.
One beautiful amazing daughter, 15 mos

Posts: 94 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Land of the lost
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25705 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Gosh sunshine that's awesome!! Ahhh hope to be on the other side one day too...yay for you!!!!!
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I am happy for YOU. You made the choice and not waiting for him to do it. Stick to it, once he realizes you are serious he may try to come back. Don't let him.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I wish I was as strong as you.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

thank you everyone

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Good for you!

Trust me when I tell you that in a year or two you will look back and wonder why you were willing to wait around for someone who should have been putting you FIRST and working his ass off to win you back.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7738 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 35110
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I'm so proud of you! I love it when I see someone here who is able to take that step! I can't yet for myself but I'm very happy for you!

I'm the BW, 3 DDays since 2010....
6/28/12, the day I finally admitted to myself that nothing I did would ever matter to him, he's just broken. So I'm gonna just let go.....

Posts: 283 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Thanks for sharing your strength! I am proud of you too, way to go girl!
I wanted to ask you if it is getting easier than it was when you decided enough was enough?
Take care,

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 488 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Good for you! Once the mind is made up to the point of no going back, it brings a peace that you haven't felt in a long time.

After that, you begin to realize that you can do anything you want to with your life. Old interests, old hobbies, etc. Life becomes fun - instead of tense days wondering where he is and who he is with.

The next phase you go through after that is discovering that you are getting yourself back, the self that existed years ago before you met him.

Happiness will reign again, trust me. I've been in NC with my WH for about 2 years, and I love life now. You have much to look forward to.

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 16