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User Topic: Need someone to talk me out of texting
Jewlz
Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Quick backround, my WH had left me for the OW just about 3 months ago. It has been very painful with emotions all over the place. I REALLY don't want to text him anymore and give him any more of me and I have been doing really well. But it is so hard as he left and then I found out about OW and so he avoided the conversation about the affair completely. I never got to talk to him about my feelings, my pain. I never even got a choice whether I wanted to R or D. He left me after all these years so suddenly with no communication.

He doesn't ever reach out but only one time to apologize so I am kind of writing here before I send something.

Lately, I have found myself getting either so angry to the point of sending a nasty text and then sort of regretting it, even though it makes me feel a little better (short term). Or I get these overwhelming moments of missing him so much. So my emails (that I just draft and don't send) are psycho because half of it is telling him I miss him and loved him and half is how could he do this, your whore this and that. Which is ok if I don't send I suppose.

Right now I want to tell him I miss holding his hand in a car ride. I miss his hands. At the same time, I have images of him with her all day that make me want to chop his thing off! I just have all these things I want him to know and hear but at the same time, I have done this the first couple weeks and he says he gets them all but he has NEVER responded. I think a part of him just doesn't know what to say. He'd rather avoid. He left anyway so why should he even have to have an uncomfortable conversation with me? That's why he left, to avoid all that. I can't believe the selfishness in this.

Please...tell me not to send anything. He never replies anyway.

[This message edited by Jewlz at 1:49 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]


Me = BW, 35
Him = WH, 39
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
December 2013 - in R? limbo?

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Don't send it. It only hurts you more. Put the phone away and go look at some shoes.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6484 | Registered: Jan 2011
MartlArts
Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Rebreather is right. Do something for YOU. When you need to vent & rage about the unfairness, do it here. If you are feeling down, share here ~ people will lift you up.

(((Hugs)))


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 988 | Registered: Jul 2012
wannarun
Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Don't do it!! He's still in the fog and will never come out as long as he knows you waiting in the wings!! The Very best thing for you to do is take care of you an the kids! Go to the mall or the park get the stroller out and walk!! If he comes back now because you begged or because he feels guilty it won't be real!! You want real!! Trust me good or bad you need to know where you stand!! I think that's where your desperation is coming from!! Stay busy busy busy!! I'm sorry your going through this!! I have been obsessed at times over the same thoughts your having!! I'm just now starting to realize there is nothing I can say or do to change him or how he feels. I am the only person I have control over (mostly lol)!! If your mad......tear something up (preferably something of his!) if your sad go somewhere and cry!! But get it out! Release it! You'll feel better after!


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Blameitontherain
Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

He isn't worth the energy to send a text. Don't do it! All it does is show that you are needy in his eyes. All it shows is that you would take him back. It shows that he may be able to cake eat.

You are worth more than that. Do something for yourself. Write whatever you want to send him here. It is normal for you to miss and want to be close to the man you thought was your forever man, You need to mourn that. Keep your pride, don't send him anything!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
cocototo2
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Don't do it. He sucks. My DDay was just Saturday and, as much as I hate him for what he did, I think he's coming clean and attempting to face the music. It doesn't mean he'll have any music to face in the end, but my point is that it takes a HUGE coward to just run. He owes you the right to scream at him and cry in front of him, and show him how much pain he has caused. He's not going to give that to you, so don't even waste your time. Easier said than done, I'm sure. Hugs!


BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Go do something for yourself. Something fun, or that you always wanted to do but never got around to doing.

Like others have said don't let him know that you miss him and he may have a back up plan. We all know it's hard.

Hang in there


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Jewlz,

Your chicken-shit, candy-ass coward of a husband does not deserve to have the attention of two women.

You can't control what OW does, but make sure you don't give WH a single ego kibble.

Go online shopping at the nicest stores without buying. Call a friend. Write a thank you to someone who did something good for you or your kids. Read a romance novel or decide what breed you would choose if you could get a dog.

Vent here!

((Jewlz))


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Whenever I wanted to reach out to the scum bag x I would go get out some cleaning supplies and really clean house. It might already be shinning and clean but cleaning takes my mind off it and destresses me. I always clean when I am mad too.

Another thing I did was to start a journal like everyone says to do. I poured out the pain, the hurt, the anger, the rage and the love in that journal. I look at it now and see just how much pain I was in 2 years ago and I am so happy that I am no longer in that place.

Start a journal and keep all thoughts about him, the situation, your pain and your love in that journal. This will stop you from typing emails that you really DO NOT want to send. If that isn't enough then do something to take your mind off him. Play games with your kids, take them to the park, take them swimming, go to the mall and window shop, just do anything but text him.

I wasted so much of my time trying to get my x to understand how much he hurt me. He never responded to anything that called him out on his cheating. I finally stopped talking to him at all and went complete NC. The journal became my constant companion.

It takes a lot of time for your heart to catch up with your head but it will happen. Mine caught up 6 months after the divorce was final. I know it is harder with kids involved since you still have to deal with him. My heart goes out to you Jewlz.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

dont do it, i waited for my WH for over a year and half, believed his lies but today, I ENDED IT, told him we were done

By texting him, you are giving him the power, take that power back and do something else, it will get easier.


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Tesa
Member
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

If you want to send him something, send him divorce papers. Shock the crap out of him.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
Jewlz
Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Thank you all so much, I love it! Sailorgirl, too funny, thank you!! You're so right, he doesn't deserve it, what am I thinking?

Really, thank you.


Me = BW, 35
Him = WH, 39
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
December 2013 - in R? limbo?

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
Jewlz
Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I just called the lawyer's office and asked if there was anything else they need (to give them a push) and to see if they have anything ready. I really do want to serve him already so I can move on.


Me = BW, 35
Him = WH, 39
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
December 2013 - in R? limbo?

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Jewlz, I'm so sorry about your situation. Don't give in to the temptation to contact him. He's not worth it - no matter how attached to him you still feel and no matter how attractive you still find him. I think you should treat yourself to a makeover. Make yourself feel pretty. Do you have a gym membership? Maybe take a kickboxing or spinning class to get some of the negativity/aggression out while getting into shape. Sometimes working on the outside can make you feel a lot better on the inside - plus it helps with the "fake it 'til ya make it" strategy because when people see you looking good, they assume you're feeling good - the image you portray will be the image you ultimately adopt. A makeover and some good old fashioned exercise may help you exude a cool confidence!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I just called the lawyer's office and asked if there was anything else they need (to give them a push) and to see if they have anything ready. I really do want to serve him already so I can move on.

Good Job! There ^^^is a good use of your time!

Now maybe a mani-pedi?

Take Care Jewlz.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Jewlz
Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Anewday78,

I think you're right, I probably should. I haven't been exercising because I'm on the infidelity diet and currently 110 lbs so I've been holding onto calories but toning up would be nice! My arms are actually pretty toned since my 6 month old is 25 lbs! Haha

But, I could definitely go for a haircut and maybe a new color, good idea. I may be without the kids this weekend so I really need to do something other than lay in bed this time.


Me = BW, 35
Him = WH, 39
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
December 2013 - in R? limbo?

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Jewlz,
A good friend of mine went through a horrible time after her husband left her during his affair. When she finally got the energy to say "fuck it," she went to the salon and told the stylists what she'd been through and that she wanted to start new and sassier. They turned it out...FOR FREE! Then she joined a gym and told her trainer, "my husband cheated on me and I'm a mess. Please help me." She's RIPPED now. Funny thing - when her husband finally saw her at their next court date, he started sniffing around again...then, she started hearing the "maybe we can try agains" from him. Then it got really pathetic when he started grovelling and crying. You know what she did (this is AWESOME)? She said, "we can try to work on it under one condition - you bring other woman to me, face-to-face, and tell her that she was nothing but a dirty, easy, lay for you. Tell her that you never loved her and that you are a fool for ever doing this to me." Well, he ended up doing it! She came face-to-face with other woman (who up until this point was playing the "I got her man" game). She said she got a lot of satisfaction out of watching the look on OW's face when her H told OW to take a hike, but not half as much satisfaction she got when she saw tthe look on her H's face when she turned to him and told him it would be a cold day in hell before she'd ever get back together with a complete loser like him! Yes, she dumped him in front of OW right after he dumped OW and professed his love to his stbxw! Conjure that bitch, Jewlz. You'll be just fine!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
darklilly23
New Member
Member # 39457
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Great story anewday!

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2013
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

The moral of the story is, my friend finally realized that she deserved more than being a miserable wreck just because she married a broken, two-timing loser. She picked herself up off the floor, took all of those negative emotions and turned it into something positive when she made the conscious decision to focus her energy on herself rather than trying to woo her husband back. She completely reinvented herself. Once she made her transformation, the unintended consequence (as she describes it) was that the jerk wanted her back. By that time, her feelings for him had changed. She saw him for the pathetic, empty shell of a "man" that he is. She's since moved on and is in a serious relationship with a great guy who loves her very much and treats her the way she deserves to be treated - the way she's come to EXPECT to be treated.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Jewlz
Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

OMG Anewday, that is a pretty awesome story. I really hope I am at the point where I can see him as the empty shell of a man he is in case any unintended consequences should occur, ha!


Me = BW, 35
Him = WH, 39
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
December 2013 - in R? limbo?

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 20