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Just Found Out
User Topic: Shocked by d-day # 2
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Well I thought we were on road to R.
We were spending more time together he said he wanted to work things out. Blah blah blah
Well he has been seeing her all along. Found him talking with scumbag in his car. I am so over this. I'm filing. So much hurt so much pain. How do I recover from this
Feel like my world has crumbled all over again. It hurts soo much and I'm so angry at same time


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
sudra
Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I am so so sorry. It's everyone's nightmare. No words of wisdom, just wanted to know you were heard. Take care.

(((savvy)))


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1448 | Registered: Nov 2010
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I'm sorry. Hang in there. It does get better.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4505 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry this has happened. My H broken NC about 1 month after Dday and broke for 6 weeks before I found out. It almost destroyed me and him. I stayed, but I will tell you it jeopardized everything. Probably if I had a redo, I wouldn't have stayed.

Hugs to you.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Ugh. I am so sorry.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1289 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6113 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh Honey, I'm so sorry. (((((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
RedWheelBarrow
Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

(((hugs)))) So sorry. This happened to me too.


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
D Filed 4/

Posts: 104 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Duffy1958
Member
Member # 39755
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

If you get a chance & can ask him, "What was his friggin point?" They lie anyway but good cripes! How cruel! What a pig-headed asshat.

Please do file. It is the WISE thing to do. Slap him with a little reality check.

Much strength to you Savvy. (hugs too)


Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i


Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

((((savvy))))

I am so very sorry. I wish I had the words to make it all better - seeing this breaks my heart.

You will recover - and we'll be here for you every step of the way. Do you have an IC? Can you talk to your doc for something to take the edge off a little (something for anxiety)?

Sending strength & big hugs,

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5018 | Registered: May 2007
Dawnie
Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry...

This happened to me too, but we were only about 2 months into (false) R....

Honestly my D day #2 was a gift in disguise because it kicked me into reality and gave me the strength to file for D and move on with my life. It was a tough few weeks at first but I came out better and happier then I could ever imagine being. It has been 3 1/2 years and today my life is awesome..

Hang in there

(((savvy))


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 47)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 801 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

It really IS unforgiveable when a cheater is given the GIFT of forgiveness by their betrayed spouse and instead of being grateful for it and feeling remorse for the devastation they've caused, they instead kick the betrayed in the face a SECOND time by doing the same exact thing they did the first time.

Savvy, you don't him anything at this point. Not a damned thing. He took your forgiveness and shit all over it. You've done MORE than your share.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

(((Savvy)))
Knowing now is really a gift for you. The pain may be overwhelming, but you know in your heart that you did all you could. He chose to be a selfish asshat, douchetroll.

Now you can focus on YOU. YOU deserve sooo much more. YOU will have it too. Look to the future where you are happy, and free of the pain and anxiety that he has caused you.

((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8096 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Angry  Posted: 5:45 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Thank you all for kind words.
I know I deserve better than this. I asked him why he would lead me on to think we could work it out and he said he wanted to try to see if he could rekindle the old spark.
Well how the hell did he think this was going to happen with her still in the picture. And beside the fact that we have been together 30 years, love doesn't really spark anymore it becomes a deeper comfortable knowing your there for each other love.
Well I am in soo much pain all over again but now I'm angry also and I'm using that anger. I have already made an appointment to see a lawyer.
He can have fun with his little scumbag while I move on and improve my life!!!!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh Savvy

I am so so sorry. I truly am.

Deep breaths and know that you deserve better than this. You do.

I wish I was there to give you a hug and smack him in the head.

File and move forward. He is incapable of the truth. Be strong and know that we are all here for you.

Sending hugs. PM me anytime.

((((Hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Does he know you are done? What is his reaction?


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

He knows I am filing. He agrees and thinks that he has caused too much hurt to be able to fix it. it is his coward way out I believe. I think he wanted me to catch him again so that I would make the choice for him. he is too much of a coward ask for a divorce


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
RockyMtn
Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

FTG. FTG. FTG.

And get ye over to the S/D forum. When I was on the brink of filing, I hung out there a lot. Good people, good advice.

Take care, savvy.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

sorry whats FTG?


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

F*** That. Guy (or girl)


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5018 | Registered: May 2007
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh. Yea. That makes sense now haha. Thanks


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Savvy,

I think my WS as well is a coward who didn't have the nerve to pull the trigger on our marriage.
FOUR years with the same MOW.
I just can't wrap my head around what kind of people do this. I fied Monday.
Hugs to you.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 617 | Registered: May 2011
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Savvy,

I think my WS as well is a coward who didn't have the nerve to pull the trigger on our marriage.
FOUR years with the same MOW.
I just can't wrap my head around what kind of people do this. I fied Monday.
Hugs to you.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 617 | Registered: May 2011
Too_Trusting
Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh Savvy, I'm so very sorry. What a fucktard. I will NEVER understand why any WS would put their BS through this hell a second time. OMG, the pain of a 2nd D-Day is just unbearable. My heart just aches for you.

You are doing the right thing by seeing a lawyer. I know it is soooooo scary but you will get through it and you will move on with your life. You deserve peace of mind above all else.

What a f'in DOUCHE.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2448 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

fuckin' asshat!!

Just sayin'

Hugs to you savvy.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1275 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Topic Posts: 25