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New Beginnings
User Topic: He's just not that into you....or is he?
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Question  Posted: 7:16 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

SO...Triathlon dad leaves for Atlanta for a week today....and comes back next Wednesday. Our 2nd date for this past Monday, he had to cancel because he had a report he had to get done before he left for this trip...

Should I text him that I hope he has a good trip or is it best at this point (since we've only had one date) to wait it out and see if he contacts me again? Its at the "Will he poof or not poof" stage and I don't want to appear as a "stage 5 clinger!"

I just really enjoyed our date and hope that I will get the chance to see him again. But, if I don't....then I can at least write it off as a good dating experience....

I guess I wasn't sure if guys like it for a girl to text them or if its best to leave the next move up to him?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
spareparts
Member
Member # 33434
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Hi Shelly

I would suggest you are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over thinking this whole thing after 1 date. The whole profile up or down stuff and now this. I get that you like the guy, and I get why you are nervous, but I think you should just be yourself

If you want to text the guy to wish him a safe trip, then do it. If one text makes him think you are a stalker then chances are this isn't the guy for you. If on the other hand you don't feel that you need to text him as it has only been one date, then don't.

By pretending or trying to be someone or something else and worrying about how he perceives you, are you not just trying to be someone you are not?

As I say if YOU WANT to text him then do it, if not then, meh he's a big boy he can text you if he wants. Let go of the outcome and just enjoy it whilst it lasts.


Posts: 515 | Registered: Sep 2011
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I know there's a common feeling out there that the man should do the pursuing, because guys need to feel that they conquer their woman, like she's a prize that they win.

If you subscribe to that and agree with it, then wait for him to contact you. Otherwise, go ahead and express a little interest by sending the text. If a woman I was into sent me a text like that, I'd be delighted. Then again, I might not be a typical guy.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
CrappyLife
Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I have never dated anyone except WW. What I know from a guy's perspective, a simple text like 'have a good trip' shows that you are interested and would like to take meet again. That is something that would calm my nerves also.

I dont think the lady should always wait for the guy to contact and then respond. That might come across as 'not interested'. Guys like me would find it difficult to always take the lead. Need some reassurance that the other person is also interested. So, if you feel comfortable, go ahead and send that message.

[This message edited by CrappyLife at 8:22 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

If a woman I was into sent me a text like that, I'd be delighted. Then again, I might not be a typical guy.

I think I will... the typical ME wants to and its not like I'm gonna make a shrine with his picture and candles later or anything!

I would suggest you are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over thinking this whole thing after 1 date.

You are totally right! I WAY overanalyze things! (I hate that about myself!) and I'm a people-pleaser.... which is bad! I think I'm just gonna go out on a limb and send the text dang it!!

I dont think the lady should always wait for the guy to contact and then respond. That might come across as 'not interested'. Guys like me would find it difficult to always take the lead. Need some reassurance that the other person is also interested. So, if you feel comfortable, go ahead and send that message.

I think I just will! I have nothing to lose right?

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:29 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am firmly in the camp that believes if a man likes you, you won't be wondering if he likes you.

I wouldn't send the text. I wouldn't contact him. The ball is in his court.

Personally, if someone broke a date with me because they had to do a report, I'd never want another date with them. Ever.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 8:48 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
hit-by-a-train
Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

My SO is a VERY traditional "manly man". I come from the era that waited for the man to make the first move (except for Sadie Hawkins Day).

But......since we became friends first, I felt a bit comfortable with being the one to initiate contact some of the time. And he told me that he likes being the one who receives the calls sometimes. I am extroverted and bubbly so I always enjoyed calling him and saying something a little nutty to get him laughing and then saying "bye" and hanging up.

Long story short: if your personality is a "reacher outer", then be yourself and text him!
Then the next move is his, but at least you get to stay true to yourself.

[This message edited by hit-by-a-train at 9:14 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
**Beloved hubby died at home 1/28/2013, age 61..** God sent me two good men in a row......and saved the best for last. Remarried 2/14/14, grief and joy....

Posts: 2285 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Shelly, like you i'm aware that i tend to get overly invested too soon, and to almost get high from the attention and affirmation. FOO- got very little as a kid. One of the best things i learned in my last go around w early dating is to consciously refocus on my life, my friends and family while i was getting excited about dates. i also really paused and slowed down my contact. it helped me stay centered.

if you text him, then i think you might be waiting for a response and analyzing that which will pull you off your center.

It's so important to do self centering practices when you are a people pleaser on the edge of your seat wanting affirmation.

I suggest NOT texting. He broke the last date with you. You agreed to that date so he knows you are receptive too him. The ball is really in his court. Give him space to get back to you in his own time. Let him miss you. Get busy w your own life. Remind yourself you don't need him and his attention. Take extra good care of yourself.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5784 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

D/p

[This message edited by InnerLight at 9:15 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5784 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm generally not bothered by initiating contact with a guy. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Since you brought up concerns about coming across as a "stage 5 clinger", let me ask - what has your communication with him been like so far?

The "stage 5 clingers" I encountered did much of the following (i.e. don't follow their examples ):
-one text from me received 5-10 texts in response from the clinger, and their content was often further and further from the reason I texted (sort of "text rambling" if you will)
-the clinger would text/email/etc. a few hours later to check up on whether I had received something if I didn't respond
-the clinger would send random, unsolicited "hope you're doing well" texts daily even after I expressed that I wasn't interested and stopped responding
-the clinger put me on a pedestal almost immediately, and would communicate over and over how great I was, how great the date(s) was(were), how much they were looking forward to seeing me, etc. even though we had no established connection beyond an initial meeting or two.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13656 | Registered: Jul 2011
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Exactly what Inner Light said.

You are getting some advice to text him so that he knows you are interested. But, like IL said, he already knows that because you accepted a second date with him.

The ball was left very firmly in his court when he broke the date. To do a report. And, it appears he hasn't contacted you since. So, exactly what is it that you like so much about this man? I don't get it.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
CrappyLife
Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh.. I kinda overlooked the part of him cancelling the date. Now, it depends whether you should respond or not.

How did he cancel? Did he call? Or just text?

If he called and you talked about it in a mature way, I guess you can send him the message.

If he just texted about the cancellation, I think you should be weary of sending him this text.


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

let me ask - what has your communication with him been like so far?

VERY Passive! I haven't initiated contact at all except to thank him for dinner after our 1st date! He has been the one to start text conversations and to call me up on the phone twice. I've let him come to me...which is totally out of my usual nature...but I didn't want to seem too overly eager!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Well crap....too late...I've already sent it. But, it was just a "I wish you a safe and well trip" type of text and I will not be sending anymore.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
missherlots
Member
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

why the rush to find out either way?

Is there a control issue underneath?

learn how to enjoy the whole process of dating?

my two cents.


Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Shelly, the advice to focus on yourself and let him be interested in you, that advice is for you, you know that right? It's not about how you appear to him, it's about how you actually live.

You texted him a normal, single text. This isn't a right or wrong move. It's just a text. I think you're overanalyzing even the fact that you are overanalyzing at this point.

Get out of your head. Find something else to do. Find something else to focus on. Put your phone away. Stop thinking about him. Take Piper to the park or a playground or something. Do some shopping. Bake cookies to take to a senior center. Do something that has nothing to do with this guy who you've met all of once, and focus on the wonderful lady who is there every day of your life (yourself!).


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13656 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh I'm not worried about him right now! I had a nice workout during lunch and am feeling good! I even spent my lunch break yesterday getting my nails and my toes done so I could feel girlie! AND, I've already made plans to go running tonight with my running team and am running Saturday with my hash group followed by a nice pool party afterwards! I'm going to keep living my life and if he wants to go on a 2nd date...great...if not.... the next guy will be lucky enough to!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Okie Dokie....his response was as follows,

"Thanks Shelly...I'm looking forward to working without interruptions"

Alrighty then.....he will get crickets from me on that lovely note...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

"Thanks Shelly...I'm looking forward to working without interruptions"

Hmmm...am I the only one who took that as "don't bother me while I'm away please"?


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13707 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I try not to read too much into texts, but he's already cancelled two dates. The ball is definitely in his court and he needs to step up his game in a big way to recover. That isn't it.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Yeah...I totally agree. I took that as a "Leave me alone" text...and so I shall! I know I am a good catch and as they say....there are PLENTY of other fish in the sea! I'm just gonna keep loving and living life and if he comes around we will see how I feel about it then.... but like I said before...I can at least say that I had a nice dating experience from OLD...and that gives me hope!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I sure hope you've put your profile back up, loud and clear!

Yep, he's a Nexter for reelz.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21039 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh YES...profile is back up and going....and I even winked at a guy today!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

That's our girl!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21039 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
meaniemouse
Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Ouch. He could have stopped at "Thanks." The rest of it was at best TMI and at worst, JPM (just plain mean).


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2099 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Ouch. He could have stopped at "Thanks." The rest of it was at best TMI and at worst, JPM (just plain mean).

I agree. A simple "Thanks" would have been sufficient. Makes me wonder if his week long trip in Atlanta is not just for business and that might be why he doesn't want to be "interrupted" but either way....I don't really care! I was just "trying" to be thoughtful and nice! And, someday...the right guy will appreciate that side of me! I like who I am and want to find someone else who thinks I'm pretty darn awesome too!

That's our girl!

Thanks ajsmom!!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:30 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I wouldn't write him off just yet, it might be wwhat it is - work.

But I also wouldn't put life on hold over 1 date.

As far as his text, well, if he really wanted a 2nd date I am thinking he would have saidsomething more like "see you when I get back" or more along those lines.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1000 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Makes me wonder if his week long trip in Atlanta is not just for business and that might be why he doesn't want to be "interrupted"

I thought this too.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13707 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Well...it is what it is! I'm not worried about it. I haven't written him off completely yet....but I'm not going to dwell on it either. I am too busy of a woman to worry about a guy I barely know! I've done my part and I had a good 1st date....and I'm going to leave it at that! I'm just going to enjoy my run tonight.... and spend some time tickling my 11 month old daughter and see what adventures life has in store for me in the future!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Makes me wonder if his week long trip in Atlanta is not just for business and that might be why he doesn't want to be "interrupted"

I thought this too.

Make that 3. On to the next one!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Ok,

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

I wouldn't write him off just yet, it might be wwhat it is - work.
But I also wouldn't put life on hold over 1 date.

This was my thought. I know when I travel and can get focused I can really get a lot of work done. My assumption from his text was that he would not be interrupted by people at work.

However, I still would give him crickets and let him make the next move. Meanwhile you keep moving on and enjoying life.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I don't like him.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

My BS meter seems to go off about this guy. He canceled your first date, went away for a week and then rescheduled. Now he's canceling your second date, going away for a week and then?? It seems like if he's not being shady, he definitely doesn't have enough time for you.

At the very least, he doesn't seem to be doing anything to impress you or show you he's interested beyond a trickle. I'd move on.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm with UndecidedinMA and GAhurts.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13656 | Registered: Jul 2011
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

This was my thought. I know when I travel and can get focused I can really get a lot of work done. My assumption from his text was that he would not be interrupted by people at work.

This is why I hate text messaging. At first glance I read his text as "I can't be bothered with you I am working" but on a re-read I got the same thing gahurts got. He thanked you and then threw in how awesome it will be to actually be able to get some work done without interruptions from coworkers.

If he does text you or contact you for another date at least you have a conversation starter now.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1884 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Maybe I'm too simplistic, but he sounds like a dick. I would write him off completely.

Had he given any indication that he would be in touch another time or that he would be happy to get together again after his trip, then ok, great. That response, out of all the responses he could have written, was just plain stupid and kind of rude.

Shelly, you are way too cute and nice to even think about a second date with someone who's already shown you exactly who he is - a dick!!


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2753 | Registered: Jan 2011
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm not going to over-analyze his response or make any assumptions....like you guys said...it was ONE date! IF he wants to see me again...he will contact me...if not....its definitely his loss and not mine!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Shelly, you are way too cute and nice to even think about a second date with someone who's already shown you exactly who he is - a dick!!

Well, thank you! And, I think that if this is a taste of who he is....it explains the real reason why he has never been married...... He's just too busy!!!

Have you ever heard this quote?...

“I’m about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule: THE WORD "BUSY" IS A LOAD OF CRAP AND IS MOST OFTEN USED BY ASSHOLES. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:41 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Whatever his reasons for his unfriendly text - who cares. He certainly made himself unattractive whether purposefully or not.


I'm not going to dwell on it either. I am too busy of a woman to worry about a guy I barely know! I've done my part and I had a good 1st date....and I'm going to leave it at that! I'm just going to enjoy my run tonight.... and spend some time tickling my 11 month old daughter and see what adventures life has in store for me in the future!

This is perfect Shelly! You keep yourself front and center with your spirits up! Attagirl!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5784 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

You keep yourself front and center with your spirits up! Attagirl!

Thank you Innerlight! I agree! Life moves on and so am I!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 6:20 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Great attitude Shelly.

At the end of the day none of us really know what he is thinking / doing.

But we do know you are doing the right thing

Just keep thinking "he needs to prove himself worthy of me".

You have come a long way in the last couple of years


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Thank you timeforchange....

It has taken a lot of work and IC but I'm glad I'm in a much better place with myself! And, that's the most important thing!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
CrappyLife
Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh.. geez.. Caught up on this thread just now.. that reply text of his is plain rude..

Yea.. crickets from you is the best.. and IMHO, he has some explaining to do for that text of his the next time you meet, if that happens..


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Yeah.....I definitely took it as a ...."Do NOT text me again" type of text while he is out of town....which I found a little odd. I figured if he was going to be locked up in a hotel room all week (which is his story) working that a thoughtful text here or there would break up the monotony.... but.....apparently not...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Main reason I gave up on OLD was because they were all poofers. No matter how interested they were before/during-even after meeting IRL they would disappear. Didn't matter what I did or didn't do, what I did or didn't say. Maybe this isn't the case here but it seems suspicious

I came to the conclusion that the majority were players/wanna be players/didn't know what the hell they wanted/were conflict avoiders

Many times a few weeks later they would come sniffing around-like I was supposed to be sitting there waiting for them to circle back like Haley's comet. Yeah-right

I agree that if they're really interested there's little doubt that you'll know it


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1744 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Yeah....I had a really bad situation with a Poofer when I was separated. HENCE the reason you should NOT date when you aren't divorced yet! HENCE the reason you should not date for a while AFTER you divorce too! Lesson learned the HARD way!!!

Live and learn...and then LUVS yourself!

Yeah....he was mr. wonderful....I fell hard... he introduced me to his family....friends....we got physical pretty fast...after just a month or so....and after another month....POOF! Without a warning or anything! And, since he lives an hour away....it was way too easy for him to do! I was devastated!

Then...come to find out...it was because he had been seeing another girl the whole time he was seeing me!! I was the runner-up apparently....

Oh well.... yeah...OLD can be difficult ...which is why I am making sure not to let myself get emotionally invested too soon or invested AT ALL too soon and am learning that having a thicker skin is a necessity... and knowing that the pond is full of a lot of warted bullfrogs helps too...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

I have terrible radar for these sorts of things, but I wonder if Mr. Amazing has another woman in his life.

You had a great date, and he talks about wanting to get together again. Then he takes down his profile, cancels a date for a pretty lame reason (IMHO), and basically tells you to bugger off when you text him.

I wonder if he might have found someone else and just wants you to "go away" because he's another chicken shit poofer, OR if he was never single to begin with ( ). Maybe his ass got busted,

I'm not normally a conspiracy theorist, but something about his actions seems secretive and strange.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

Yeah I agree OnceInALifetime.....

Because we DID have an awesome date! And, when he talked to me last Friday.... he was being all sweet...telling me it was nice to hear my voice and then scheduled the 2nd date....all sounded on track....

HOWEVER....and this is probably me reading too much into it again....he had texted me Sunday telling me he could pick me up at my house or meet me downtown....and that's when I told him that my sitter would be at MY house with my daughter (I don't know why I said that...I think more because I'm not really at the place yet for him to meet my child yet....) but that he could pick me up or I could meet him (But I planned on just meeting him outside my house if he picked me up).... and then a couple of hours later...he tells me about his "snag" and how he had to cancel.... wonder if he thought he was going to "try" something but then found that out and decided he didn't want to go out at all? But, again....that's me overanalyzing again....probably had nothing to do with that!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Yeah, I doubt he backed away because he saw he wouldn't get lucky that day. Even the worst of players would be patient enough to wait at least 3 dates, I'd think.

It's a curious thing, but my getting morbidly interested in it does no good for you. You're right to just forget about him. Truth is there's no knowing what his motivations were, but you can know that he's not worth your attention.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 12:36 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I agree.....knowing my luck he has a "lady in waiting" in Atlanta (which is where he is now), New York...(where he will be in a couple of weeks and he said he will get to "play" some there), and Sweden, which he will be in about a month....

No thanks. Don't have the desire for game-players or even playing the guessing game. I want a man that I never have to question his intentions... I just know!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I also noticed on OLD-the ones who said "no game playing" were the ones who played the most games themselves!


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1744 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Next


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4731 | Registered: Feb 2008
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Yeah...and on his profile he said that he had a busy life but "was willing to make time for that special someone...." Hmmm..... Guess I"m not it!! Maybe that's why he took his profile down....changed his mind about that!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 53