Just Found Out
User Topic: What now?
New Member
Member # 39789
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Found out saturday 7/06 thru texts in her phone and after a heated argument she confessed. Married (happily almost all of them) 16 years and I am beyond speechless. I am literally numb. I cried once when I was alone but am almost feeling no emotions at all now. Cannot feel happy to save myself and numb is the best word I can think of. So many questions but it all comes back to what now. About everything. At least when I am working I can concentrate on other things but am finding that days off leave me too much time to let it tear me apart. I admire all of you that have come thru this and are stronger for it. I have always thought of myself as a strong man but this is making me want to crumble from inside. I was told that I am stable but boring. I work hard and try and do right by her but now I am boring. What now? Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Me BS(49)
Her WW(39)
Married 16 years
D-day July 6th 2013
Day the fog lifted (each day is a step closer)

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Gulf Coast - MS
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Welcome to the board. You'll find a wealth of knowledge and compassion here.

To try and answer your question to What now? You don't have to decide anything right now. First things first, as hard as it can be, try to focus on yourself and adjust to your new reality. Infidelity is enough to bring anyone to their knees. It doesn't mean weak, it means that you're human, it means that you've been betrayed.

How is she reacting to all of this? Does she seem to be remorseful? She said you're boring? What did she expect you to do to now be boring?

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a long road to healing especially if she's not helping.

There is a lot of good information in the Healing Library in the upper left corner of the screen in the yellow box.

Vent all you want, we're here to listen.

Keep posting, it helps.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Welcome. There are many here who have been through it.
It's normal to feel numb. It's kind of your minds way of protecting you from being overwhelmed by it all.

Up to the left you will see the library. Tons of good info in there that will help you to figure out how to navigate this shitstorm.
You don't have to make any decisions today tomorrow or next week. Start figuring out what YOU want.

Keep coming here, and posting. Asking questions, and expressing your feelings.

(((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
New Member
Member # 39789
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Thank you for the advice and I will certainly read and learn more from this site. My wife has been very remorseful about what has happened even calling him in front of me to tell him it was a bad decision (they got together once she told me) and that she will not do it again. I think she is being honest but then again I never ever thought she would cheat on me. I want to forgive her and am even willing to work on my "boring" persona but for now I am literally just trying to make it thru the day. I am very appreciative for this site and for not only the wealth of information but also for the reassurance that I can get from others.

Me BS(49)
Her WW(39)
Married 16 years
D-day July 6th 2013
Day the fog lifted (each day is a step closer)

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Gulf Coast - MS
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Hi rmhm97, So sorry you are going through this.

I was told that I am stable but boring.

Who said this? Her?

The only thing you need to work on at this point is healing yourself. Your WW should help you with that, as you need to heal before you can possibly address the problems in your M.

Is the OM married? If so, I would let his wife know quickly and quietly.

Take care.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 387 | Registered: Feb 2013
New Member
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry we're all in this same boat together. I don't think any of us expected to be here.
I know that I was told many awful things by my WH. He said I was "no fun', etc. I think that was his nice way of saying boring. You have to remember that it's not US. It's THEM! I know I'm fun and I told him I have a great time with other people and that it's his issue and not mine. You are a wonderful person. Your WS is lost in her own delusional world and it has nothing to do with you. Be strong.

Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I was told that I am stable but boring

not so boring that she married you but boring enough to cheat on you. I am calling bullsh*t on this one. she is just making excuses and trying to shift blame. my WH did/does a lot of this crap. don't listen to it for a second.

Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Stop my friend. By saying boring, you're insinuating that somehow it's your fault your wife cheated because she needed excitement in her life. This absolutely in no shape or form condones cheating. If she wanted excitement she could have come to you and talked about what was "missing" from her life. Please do not put this on yourself.

Posts: 188 | Registered: Jun 2013
New Member
Member # 39789
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Thank you to all. It has been a difficult day but tomorrow will be better.

Me BS(49)
Her WW(39)
Married 16 years
D-day July 6th 2013
Day the fog lifted (each day is a step closer)

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Gulf Coast - MS
Topic Posts: 9