Wayward Side
User Topic: Infidelity and loss - they both suck.
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

So today my BH turned up spontaneously at my place of work.

My first reaction was joy. I looked up and there he was right in front of me.

Then he said those words "Can we take a walk outside?" My heart sank, my stomach went into free fall...omg what does he think he's found? I haven't hidden anything, have nothing to hide...nothing at all...

So outside we go.

The he breaks down into tears "OKM, I'm so, so sorry", he says.
"It's ok baby, what is it?"
"I'm sorry" he says again

By now I'm convinced he's leaving me. I mean what else could it be?

"I found Neo on the road this morning, he'd been hit by a car" he says.

Neo is my 13 year old black and white cat. He was my first "rescue" right out of vet school, when he broke his leg and needed it amputating aged 5 wks. We kept him, because the owners had him as a farm cat and couldn't justify paying to treat him. We operated, and saved him. And I loved him for 13 years.

And now he's gone, 3 weeks after our baby girl, Eva, was killed the same way.

Huh? I mean really, wtf?

I can't believe this has happened.
I'm so grateful LH is not leaving me.
I can't believe that is my first thought still, especially after him giving me forgiveness.

Infidelity sucks. It leaves us WSs with the legacy that the BS may leave at any time despite the effort and hard work. Despite their desire to R and forgive. It always haunts us, back there somewhere, even when I'm not really conscious of it.

Loss sucks. These are just cats right? Nope. They're my family. I don't have kids. I had 2 cats and have 2 dogs. Someone on here called them furrykids. That's what they are to me. My girl and my boy were my furry kids, and now they're gone. That's sucks so bad.

LH is being amzing. He found Neo on the road 10mins after he'd seen him in our garden. He picked him up; cleaned the mess on the road and buried him next to our baby burmese. He then called my work to get them to hold me there so he could tell me in person. He tried to do all the right things and he so did.
He took the day off so he could be wth me today. That was lovely, especially as my last call was putting someone's loved eldery Shetland pony to sleep today.

Thank you LH. Love you. And our little furry family; present and past. x

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 3:50 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

And I'm glad that you and LH have each other.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37974 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh OKM, I'm so very sorry. Keeping you both in my thoughts.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?

Posts: 6287 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am sorry OKM

WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am very sorry for your loss.

I am glad, though, that you have each other to lean on.

(((hugs))) to you both.

Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posts: 35762 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

OKM and LH. I'm very sorry to hear you lost 2 of your furkids, especially so close together. Hugs to you both.

Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 23875
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry to hear this

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

Mark Twain

Me-BS 52
Him-WS 53
Together 33 years

6-5-06 Day of Reckoning

"The acquired inability to escape"

Posts: 1058 | Registered: May 2009 | From: swfl
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Looking supersilious...

Eva and Neo. <3

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh my goodness. I am so very very sorry. To lose your Neo while you are still grieving the loss of Eva?? I can only imagine the pain and loss.

Like you, I don't have children. Only my pups. They are my kids and my babies and, for many months, were my only reason to get out of bed each day.

I hope you can cuddle with LH and your pups tonight and just remember how much joy the furkids have brought to your life.

Sending you both big hugs.


Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Oh, OkM, I'm sorry. You're a strong lady...I would lose my mind.


And no... not just cats. My 3 are my babies.

Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried. Reconciliation is a process and I still struggle.

Posts: 2221 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry OKM & LH. My one fur baby has been such a help to me in dealing with this mess I've made.

I'm happy to hear LH has been so wonderful. I'm glad you guys have each other.

FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️

Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

OMG I'm so sorry.

I'm utterly speechless. Sending hugs and good thoughts to you both.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry

They will not go quietly,
the cats who've shared our lives.
In subtle ways they let us know
their spirit still survives.

Old habits still make us think
we hear a meow at the door.
Or step back when we drop
a tasty morsel on the floor.

Our feet still go around the place
the food dish used to be,
And, sometimes, coming home at night,
we miss them terribly.

And although time may bring new friends
and a new food dish to fill,
That one place in our hearts
belongs to them. . . and always will.

~Linda Barnes

BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
Mrs Panda
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

so sorry, honey

Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1991 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Member # 34692
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry.

((OKM & LH))

Me - BW
Him - FWH
DDay 10-29-11 2 month EA 1 time PA
He had ended it 10-28-11
Broke NC 12-20-11
S 12-21-11 filed D 1-4-12
R started/H moved home 2-8-12
2 wonderul boys 17 & 14(now 20 & 17)
Now we have a beautiful grandson!
Married 19 years(n

Posts: 229 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry for your loss..

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Crap, condolences to both you and LH.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2968 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

(((OKM, LH, Eva, Neo)))

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

OKM & LH hugs ×infinity!!!
My heart broke for you both reading this! I am so sorry for your losses! What an unbelievably awful thing for you both to go through!! My deepest condolences! We also have no children, just a kitty... no not JUST a kitty, they are never "just pets" they are beloved members of the family. They are best friends. They teach us to love, and to care for others, without judgement. They are always with us, even when they are gone. My thoughts and heart go out to you both! I cannot say how sorry I am for you guys! *hugs*

Eta: what beautiful pictures!

[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 11:27 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 511 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry

FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

So sorry, guys. I can't imagine the pain...

Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
New Member
Member # 39804
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Your fur people were very lucky to have lived with both of you. They would be very happy to know they brought the two of you together in a bonded and meaningful way. The purrs do last forever and they will be waiting for you across the rainbow bridge.

Best wishes,


fWH 63, BS 63 (Twentyplus)

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I'm so very sorry.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8827 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I'm so very sorry for you both. They were beautiful kitties!

Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Most defenitly a horrible loss, Im so sorry for your loss. Please stay strong and lean on H Sounds like he's there for you.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 26