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User Topic: Text anxiety
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Been seeing someone who seems like a really good fit. The first two months were wonderful. He is big into texting. I never was but it was charming receiving a text from him several times a day...all with a purpose not that bs that you don't care about.

Anyway, within the last two weeks he cut back dramatically. Like, I'm lucky to receive 2-3 in a whole day and that's only because we have been saying "good morning/goodnight" every day. Corny, I know. But I like it.

Now I'm not the kind to keep texting him to get a response. I figure if he doesn't want to hear from me than I'm not going to turn into a stalker. I have said that I've noticed he has been quiet lately. He claims to be depressed.

Because of everything I've gone through, I automatically think he has someone else. I automatically think he doesn't like me.

I won't show him I'm upset, however I can't stop thinking about it. It is such a noticeable difference and makes me very sad.

Any thoughts would be helpful...thank you!


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Does he always initiate the texts? Before I mean. Maybe he feels like you don't reciprocate so maybe you don't like it?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

After 8 weeks of texting back and forth all day, I have initiated as well. I would call it even. However, not only has he not been texting much in the last 2 weeks, but sometimes he doesn't respond to me.

When we go out, which is once a week, he has the phone glued to him and responds to texts frequently. Also, his phone is on silent, which is kind of a trigger for me.

BTW, we are firm in our faith, so sleeping together has not happened, is not an issue, so his lack of attention towards me isn't because he got what he wanted and now isn't interested anymore.

The thing is, just last Sunday he told me how attracted he is to me. Why would a guy suddenly stop texting? I understand depression can drain you, but why when we go out is he texting or responding to whomever?

I guess my question is, am I overreacting because of my wxh's actions or is something legitimately wrong?


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'll ask this: Do you text while you are with him?


My reaction to texting IS triggered by my XH and XSO. BUT I try very hard NOT to text when I have people in front of me... I find it rude to take attention away from the person in front of me in favor of the person texting me. I also do not like to be the person who went to the trouble to be in front of someone and have them texting... it sends the message that the person texting is MORE important than the one who went to the trouble to spend time with you.

JMHO.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I'll ask this: Do you text while you are with him?

Never. I don't text when I'm with other people.
I too think it's rude, but I don't have the balls to say anything I guess. A couple of times he offered and said...oh, it's my kids. Maybe he felt guilty, maybe he was lying. I never even ask! I guess I'm too chicken.

I don't like the fact that in my mind I automatically assume he is doing no good because of how ex was, but I don't know how to shake that feeling.


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

I have been doing this a bit longer than you have, and I have been through some of the communication droughts that you speak of, the kind where you first start to feel like something has changed. I did my best to be rational and think of all the other responsibilities she had, and that I had some times that were similar in my life. Inevitably things would get sorted out and dealt with in life, and we would have a period of almost "text bombing". Anecdotally I have noticed certain patterns related to the calender regarding the frequency of texts. If I had kept better records, I could probably do the math and identify the relevant harmonics operating on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly cycle. Not enough data to calculate the annual cycle.

If the above is tl;dr, the short version is try not to panic over what may very well be a natural reaction to how much available time he has.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
chikastuff
Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Have you discussed whether or not you're exclusive? You haven't mentioned how long you've been seeing each other.

My initial reaction is to think he's seeing multiple people. But that's the fatalist in me. I would just be honest with him and say "I've come to enjoy our daily texts and I've noticed you're not as engaged as before. Is everything OK?"


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Aesir: Thank you. I will relax and not panic and just observe. Taking notes is a good idea.

Chikastuff: We have not had a direct exclusive talk, but I did ask him if he was seeing someone or in a texting relationship. He responded: "No. But I text a lot of people, some female."
Hmmm.

Thanks guys


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 8