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Just Found Out
User Topic: Just gutted.....long story
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I have been lurking here for the last couple of months and now desperately need some advice.

I had been divorced for a year (suspected EA, possible PA but no proof-didn't know about SI then) when I met my current boyfriend.

We seemed to really hit it off and got along really well. After about 6 months he moved in with me, since we were inseparable. Since that time, I've discovered that he is a compulsive liar and has been chatting/sexting/webcam online all the time. He lies about things that are so ridiculous and not necessary to lie about.

We have had 4 DDays since the beginning of April 2013. The most recent one was May 28 and I told him that I was done with the relationship and wanted him to move out.

He seemed super remorseful and very genuine so I did agree to give him another chance at R. We cannot afford counseling, so we have been reading some books to determine the cause (thank you SI) of his chatting/sexting/webcamming (is that even a word?). Since then, the relationship has been much better and he seemed to have a good understanding of why he was engaging in this behavior and what he could do to avoid it.

Until last night. I have employed the 'trust by verify' stance--remember compulsive liar. I have Sprint so the texting is inaccessible to me (other than the total number of texts sent-no times or phone numbers). In April, I was busted after installing the spyware on his phone-the antivirus software found it. But a couple of weeks ago, I found out about Google Voice--has anyone else used this? It's FANTASTIC-I could see all the text content, calls, and listen to any voicemails. Feeling really good about this because every thing was on the up and up.....until last night.

He started texting this old girlfriend of his....very flirty. This continued today with them making arrangements to meet this afternoon. So he calls me and tells me he's going to be out of town on a quick roofing job (he's been unemployed most of the time that I've known him--huge red flag).

Thanks to Google Voice, I knew THAT wasn't true so I printed up the messages and met him (shocker when I drove up!). Handed him the print out and told him I wanted my apartment key back--which I did not get. So we had words and he told me to leave the job site, which I did.

I am just absolutely gutted-have not eaten much. I can't believe that he would do this and I'm mad at myself for believing him. The worst part is that I can't legally make him leave MY apartment until the lease is up at the end of August. He is on the lease as a roommate and I was told by management that he has to take himself off the lease......what kind of craziness is this?

Then to top off this lovely situation, I called someone who has known him a long time and found out some other distressing news. Apparently, he can get really nasty and is not above calling the police and making up stories in order to get items that he is not entitled to. He did this to the friend that I talked to today regarding a laptop. She even had the receipt showing that she paid for it and the police made her give it to him!!!! WTF?

So, in addition to being extremely upset about the cheating, living with him until August, now I have to worry that he's going to try to take my stuff. He moved in with me and all the items in the apartment are mine.

What am I going to do? I can't believe I'm finding myself in this position.




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Lawyer up NOW. Have them send him a letter to evict. Also, get a restraining order if possible. Strike first!


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jun 2007
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Can I do that as an individual leaser (?) or does the apartment management reserve the right to do that?




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
canteat
Member
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

I agree-talk to a lawyer. Find out what your rights are. Take measures to protect yourself and your belongings. If you have to wait it out then see if you can move your valuables to a friends or into storage.


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Duffy1958
Member
Member # 39755
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Guard your stuff AND yourself. Be careful he can't set you up for a domestic violence situation & get you jailed. He could evict YOU under those circumstances. I think you can give him a 30 day notice to quit because you are primary on the lease. Call legal aid.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Don't give him anymore chances though.


Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i


Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

See a lawyer ASAP. In the meantime, call a locksmith and pay to have them change the lock. Do not give him a key. Do not give the manager a key until he agrees to get your XBF off of your lease tell him that you''ll give management a key when you are safe from having a violent thief come and go from your apartment. Realistically, there is nothing that they can really do about that since your lease is up in August it would take them months just to go through the motions of booting you out!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
heartbrokensad
Member
Member # 26846
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

celticlass i sent u a private message !


ME: 35
WH: 34
D- #1: 10/03/09(phonecalls)

D-DAY #2: 12/13/09 cought them together
M: 8 yrs together 13
him 2 wonderful boys 15 and 13 who I helped raised for 13 yrs, me 14 yr old beatiful girl he adopted her! together 2 wonderful girls 5 yrs n


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Happy  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

heartbrokensad, I responded to your PM....with a PM




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Get your valuables out of your home and to a trusted friend for safe keeping.
This is terrible, I'm so sorry.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

Thank you for all the support and advice. Gathering valuables and will call about legal consult tomorrow.

At least he will be out of the house tonight. Moving his stuff into the guest bedroom. We will have to share the loo.

I'm gobsmacked. My world is off kilter and I don't know how to get it back. The scariest part is that I'm usually a good judge of character. He is very good at lying and being convincing. How am I supposed to believe what anyone tells me when the only way I can tell he's lying to me is because I have the text messages right in front of me. How do you recover from dealing with a compulsive liar?




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)

BTW, just read over my thread and profile-----it seems so much worse when it's all down on 'paper'.

Does anyone else feel disconnected to their thread? Like it's happening to someone else?




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
canteat
Member
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I think the reason it seems worse when it's "down on paper" is because it's more real that way. Other people have read it, it's out there, can't take it back. good news is learning to accept it is a step to healing from it.


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Hey Celticlass,

Does the WBF get any mail there at the apt? Are there any bills in his name?

How did he get on the lease, did you put him them there?

And in the interim perhaps you could add a lock and not give him the new key...

Either way you should call a lawyer and look up renters rights in your municipality.

Take care and Hugs.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Boy, have I been put through the ringer this afternoon. I went to the apt office today to let them no that I don't want him on the new lease that begins in August. Guess what?! He has already signed it. I am so screwed and pissed off. The only way to get his name off the lease is for him to sign a statement saying that he agrees to remove his name from the lease.....I have mentioned It before and it still makes no sense to me.

So I called an attorney friend that I know and talked to her about this and sadly, this is absolutely correct. So my only option is to move out by the end of August. I love my apartment and feel very safe there. I can't believe that he did this after I confronted him about cheating yesterday. What makes him think that I still want to live with him? Delusional

Tonight he was blowing up my phone with calls and text messages. I finally decided to call him back and got a bunch of crap spewed in my ear......who have you been talking to? Where are you? I have been calling to see if you are ok? Perfectly fine, says I , lol. You need to take this spy shit off my phone or I am going to smash the motherfucker .....do what you have to do, says I. It doesn't matter what you saw on my phone, you shouldn't have been snooping.....you shouldn't have been planning to stick your dick in someone else says I, I said it doesn't matter what you saw on my phone ......crickets says I.

Crackerjack hotel, room 124, bring sex toys, lube and prepare to be fucked he sent to OW. Celticlass, how could you think I was going to get a room? Read the print out of the text messages that I sent you, dipshit. Really?

Rant over, as I was saying, now I have to move out because there is no way he is going to sign that statement. I want to try to find a place this weekend and move out ASAP...as in this weekend. I don't want to leave him alone with all my furniture (he moved in with me so everything in the apartment is mine) when I go to work. I also asked the attorney if I am obligated to leave the power hooked up when I go (it was 106 degrees here today) enjoy your apartment, fucker.....no electricity, no cable/Internet , very little furniture, ha!

As you can see, I have had a perfectly fabulous day,. I'm glad it's almost bedtime, nothing bad can happen to you when you're sleeping, right?




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
Topic Posts: 14