New Beginnings
User Topic: Sigh. Every now and then there's still something...
Member # 27842
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

..that reminds me that the journey of healing (almost) never ends.

I have a group of friends from high school that we have monthly dinners with. Almost all have been married for like 5 or 6 years, but nobody has had kids until recently. 2 babies and 2 pregnant = 4 babies within about a year, out of a group of 7 (including me).

I am over the moon happy for all of my friends, and love the babies and am excited for the new ones. But there's a little part of me that still reverts to that depressed, post D-Day feeling. It's that hard to explain, feeling left out, and like other people have what I thought I had, and how did my life get so screwed up. Hearing them talk about future play dates doesn't help either I guess it's mostly that we all got married around the same time so I always assumed we'd be having kids around the same time, and now I feel left out and that I'm behind everyone else's timetable, like the D has set me back.

Blech. Ok, I'm done with that now. Sometimes I think I've done too good of a job pretending WXH never existed... Anyway, just wanted to get it out. Moving on.

I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, July 11th (Thursday)

(((tennispro))) I get you. It comes and goes. It's good to acknowledge those moments of loss and air that stuff out.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25835 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 11th (Thursday)



Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52732 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I definitely understand how you bestie and her husband are SO cute together! But, I'm so jealous of their relationship....and miss having what they have! I also wish that my daughter had had a father that was ACTIVE in her life.... she doesn't know what that is like....and I ache for her sometimes. I have the best dad in the world.... and I wish she could have experienced that. I haven't given up on finding a special someone to share my life and my daughter's life with..... but it can be disheartening sometimes when I'm around all of my coupled friends...

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I didn't have kids with XH and divorce young as well. I have noticed that a lot of my friends are now getting married and having kids which causes me to feel depressed in a way.

I try to stay positive about it and tell myself that when I am ready for kids I will be in a much better place than where I was with XH or where I currently am.

Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

It’s tough sometimes not to get caught up in thinking about best laid plans when it seems others are living them, but there is no time limit on happiness. When I was engaged to my WXH everything was on course while everyone around me was going through horrible break-ups, miscarriages, divorce, and financial hardship. Many of them have turned it around completely; have kids, new partners, and new jobs. There is no order that must be followed, and it’s almost impossible for everyone to stay on the same path. Your friends still love you and I’m sure value your differing perspective tremendously.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3466 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 3438
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

And in all my cynic glory, my first thought was - "that's okay, you are just ahead of them in the divorce trend".

Since I'm in my mid 40s, I have seen a lot of my HS and college friends' marriages come to an end. I just did it sooner than they did.

Kinda sad my mind went there first...

[This message edited by dead_inside at 2:47 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Him: WXH

Posts: 756 | Registered: Feb 2004
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

but there is no time limit on happiness

We never know the suffering others may be experiencing but not showing even as they are excited about their babies.

But I know what you mean. I would have loved to have kids but I never felt secure enough with XH (now I really know why) and then I was too old.

May you find your own kind of happiness whether that involves future babies of your own or not.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5871 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

(((tennispro))) My friends and I are at a different stage of life, and I have the same feelings you have about their current life plans. Same thoughts about how I thought I'd be somewhere completely different than I find myself now. I feel jealous and then I feel petty...

The thing is, I have to remind myself that everybody is on a journey of healing from something...they just may not be open about it, they won't paste it on facebook so you may not know about it, but just about everyone is traveling a similar, difficult path. We know ours, we may not be aware of their difficulty.

Moving on the path is all we can do and all we need to do...

[This message edited by better4me at 6:10 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3216 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I was the first one in my group of friends to marry, have children, divorce, remarry, become a grandmother, and get a "gray" divorce.

Sometimes it hurts and I feel lonely in my experiences. I try to remind myself that I'm a trail blazer.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 9:02 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Member # 27842
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Thanks guys. It's good to vent to people who understand.

At least it's not the "everybody else's life is perfect" feeling, because I've been there and that sucks. Logically I know everyone takes different paths in life, but it's frustrating when it seems like ALL my friends are on the same path and I'm trying to catch up.

Oh well, I'm over it. At least I get to sleep through the night

I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 11