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User Topic: Etiquette / wording for invitation
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Ahh…..SI, my “go-to” for all sorts of things!

I’m getting ready to order wedding invitations and need some advice about how to word part of it. Although it seems to be the custom these days to include a note with the invitation stating where the couple is registered, from what I’ve learned it is considered poor manners for the bride or groom to be the first to raise the subject of gifts.

This is a second marriage for both of us and we do not want gifts. We honestly want people to come to our wedding to share our joy without any obligation of a gift. That’s what would please us the most.

Would it be appropriate for us to include a slip with the invitation stating something like the following?

We would be so happy if you would join us in celebrating our marriage. Your presence is the only present we desire.

For those who are insistent upon giving a gift, may we suggest a donation be made in our honor to ABC Charity, 123 Main Street, City, State, Zip.

I don’t care too much for this wording and am asking for your help with this. 1), is it okay to include something like this and , 2), if it is, what is the most tasteful way to say it?

Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Mar 2007
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I am a big fan of letting gossip work with situations like that. Both of you should confide to close friends and family that you don't wish to have people obligated to give a gift, seeing that it is a second marriage and all. Ask them to let others know. Problem solved.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29666 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I second the word of mouth. Mentioning gifts in an invite is clunky no matter how you word it. Also, you are going to get some gifts regardless. Not having it in writing allows your guests to celebrate how they see fit and not feel weird about it.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I think you can actually register at a charity for a wedding gift or at least you can where I live.


Posts: 2712 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

"Please don't buy us any crappy towels or serving dishes, we'll just return it for credit."

What? No?

There are certainly differing beliefs on if mentioning gifts is ok or not. I think it very much think it is regional and maybe cultural. I think, "your presence is gift enough" in a nondescript manner at the bottom of the invite would be ok in some situations.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

"The Knot" a familiar wedding registry site, has a spot to set up a charity list...

Best Wishes and thanks for your generosity!

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 7:00 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3668 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Once I attended a wedding and at each place setting there was a card thanking us for attending the wedding and a donation was given in our name to XYZ charity. The other guests then decided to give an additional amount to that charity as their gift.

In your situation I would register or where you have your wedding info state your charity under the registry info.

I would not include it in the invitation like putting your registry info your still mentioning something in regards to a gift.


Posts: 1006 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, July 12th (Friday)

You guys are great! Thank you for all the advice.

I agree with going the word of mouth route and will not be adding any notes to the invitation. Check -- one more thing off the list!

Thank you!!!

Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Mar 2007
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, July 12th (Friday)

So its the age of social media and DH's niece is getting married in 2 weeks.

The invitations she sent out were WONDERFUL, but their budget didnt really allow for the direction card and other information card (getting married out of town, so we all need directions)

There was however a slip with a web page address to a wedding page they created. It has all the information, directions from all sides of town with links to the actual map directions.

Their story of course, with pictures yadda yadda.

And there was of course a blurb that they were registerd at such n such place...nothing pushy, just more information.

Now...i am not saying that this is your road to go, but I thought it was very cute - I loved that they sent out an actual invite, but then gave so much helpful information via the web, and I did not find it in poor form to state on the site where they were registered at.

Might be an idea?

Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I was going to say to say nothing at all of gifts. Let the chips fall where they may. You yourself said gifts are not what this is about.

That being said, I love undefinable3's input. The website is a very neat idea. It may not reach those who don't do computers, but word of mouth will travel.

And congrats on your marriage!

Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, July 12th (Friday)


NEVER include gift/charity/registry info with an invitation.

Those who want it will ask.

Let your family and wedding party know your wishes. They can mention it when people phone to RSVP for showers, etc.

If you have a wedding website, it's okay to post info there.

But never, ever, ever, ever, EVER in the invitation.

No matter how commonplace it's become, it's the absolute height of inpropriety.

[This message edited by solus sto at 9:42 AM, July 12th (Friday)]

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

Excellent advice everyone. Thank you. I'm feel better now knowing it's not only okay, but appropriate, to not mention anything. If anyone asks, my family and close friends are aware of our wishes and they can share that information with anyone who may ask.

Thank you!

Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Mar 2007
Topic Posts: 12