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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Moving with children?
tennispro
New Member
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Hi,
Is anyone looking to move with their children to another state? I'm the BS and we live in a very expensive part of the country. I cannot afford to live here when we divorce. It will use up whatever I get from the D.
We are in a no-fault state so his A won't play into in the D.
However, he travels 90% of the year.
Thank you to anyone who has info on this or just words of advice.


Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I am. In my state though, the divorce decree usually forbids it, even in cases of new job or remarriage. This was mainly to protect the non custodial parent from being forced to pay for a child(ren) he rarely sees.

In my case, my STBXH relocated to another state before the wedding and now consequent divorce. So it is in my favor as he doesn't even live in this state and currently travels here only once a month for four days to see his son. I will find out with the divorce decree if my request to relocate will be honored based on the fact that my STBXH doesn't even live here.
I would check the laws in your state so you get a better idea of what may apply to you.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 11:39 AM, July 12th (Friday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Otherwise alimony? I would make sure that your concerns about finances are really heard. Especially if you relocated to this area for the marriage.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Mommato4
Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, July 12th (Friday)

I moved away with the kids.

We had moved there for his job and lived there for 5 years before the D. I had no extended family nor did he.

I asked my lawyer and she told me we will put it in the divorce decree so he couldn't come back with kidnapping charges. I asked him first about it and he understood and said ok. My XH travels about 60-70% of the time for work going out of the country mostly.

I D'ed in Illinois which is a fault state, but I filed no fault because it was faster and less $. I moved to WA state back by my family.


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1377 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, July 12th (Friday)

I'm in a fault state, but my L said most judges will not allow children to move out of state if the other parent is actively involved, regardless of how the marriage ended.

I worked with WS to move about 1.5 hours away. At the time, he agreed to move closer to me (and the kids), but...of course...he hasn't. No biggie, I'm used to being a full time single Mom now. He sees them e/o weekend. He traveled about 50% of the time.

I wanted to move to the same town as my mom, which would have been 3.5 hours away, and EX refused. So we compromised on 1.5 hours away. I am now in the middle between ex and my mother.

If you are still in the negotiation stage, then make relocation part of the negotiation process. If you can't afford to live where you are, then you need to negotiate more spousal support (or other financial support) or convince him it is in the best interest for all of you to relocate to a more affordable area.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4126 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

Check the legalities and then check them again. Cover all your bases. Does he seem willing to let you move? Get permission from him in writing and notarized.

Moving can be done, but be sure to cross all Ts and dot all Is, because you don't want to move and THEN have a battle and have to move back.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Fooled Me Twice
Member
Member # 34824
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

I moved out of state with my DD initially. My atty told me the longer and more established I became while he kicked up no fuss the better off I was. So I got a job, apt, and dd in daycare. He never once objected.

I was really spending most of my time initially at my parents - 5 hours away. Still no fuss from him. (I was not working at the time, so moving between my families homes was easy).

All the while he was lying about where he lived. His parents own a home closer to where my place was and claimed he lived there. He really lived 3 hours away with OW.

I just recently moved closer to where he really lives for work. I was petrified he'd want more visitation time, but so far I worried needlessly.

My point is it can be done. It will just depend on your ex and I would recommend you seek advice from a relocation expert atty.


ME: BS 33 (now 34)
HIM: WS 33 (now 35)
OW: 22, howorker (now 24)
July 2007: Porn found on computer along with profiles on dating websites.
DDay: January 16, 2012 - suspicious since Dec 2011
Divorced: June 11, 2013

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Here and There
Topic Posts: 7