SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Totally brand new name change after D
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
DOH!  Posted: 8:11 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I"m seriously thinking of changing my name legally.

Has anyone ever done this?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I changed my name back to my maiden name. What are you wanting to do?


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2676 | Registered: Jan 2010
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I found out that in Australia I am legally known as both names even whilst married.

WOOWHOO!! I reverted back to my own name at the end of last year.

I can't believe I ever changed it to his rubbish name. My name is one of the coolest names in the world.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I reverted to my maiden name.

But I secretly wanted to change my ENTIRE name. For my new life. After much debate, discussion - and perhaps some alcohol - my sister and I came up with the perfect name....

Rose Sparklemagic!

Totally wish I had done that. Since that night, my sis calls me "Rosie", lol.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

My SO's mother changed her name to her mother's maiden name. Had I known her while going through my divorce... and knowing I could do that... that is what I would have done.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1254 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

A client of ours changed his name, not sure why, he didn't say. I don't know if it's a better name for him. He went from a Barry to a Frederick and then added a famous last name as his middle name and then added a III to it.

Men don't have madain names to go back to.

Why dreamie, do you want to change your whole entire name?


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10393 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

I am thinking seriously about changing my name back to my maiden name - we've been separated 6 months. I just hate writing it and hearing it, even though of course it is my children's name.

t/j (sorry) - StrongButBroken - as a fellow Aussie, can I just start using my maiden name again? No forms to fill in etc? I guess I'd have to supply some sort of proof to all the many companies etc I'd have to inform?


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

AussieMum, Nope - just show your marriage certificate. I got a whole bunch of certified copies made and emailed them out or showed up in person. All done within a few days.

It.is.awesome.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenDaisy
Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

I've already changed back to my maiden name even though divorce isn't final. Also applied to change my son's surname to mine. Stbx had to sign for it and luckily agreed. I don't want my son to carry the legacy of stbx's surname.

It was a small but significant victory for me. Amazing for emotional growth. Can't wait to have the papers for my son.

I'll never change my name again.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

I am seriously considering moving to a whole new different last name. Having the same name as my sons is the only reason I would consider keeping his last name.. Don't really love my maiden name, so I have been seriously considering a totally new last name.. Still not sure what I will do, but just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one who has thought about doing this..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, July 14th (Sunday)

I have debated this one. My maiden name - nope. Alcoholic Dad, NPD Mother, HORRIBLY abusive childhood - no thanks. This is my second M, my children have my first H's last name. Nope. No children with current H. So if I get D - I would get an entirely NEW last name. I am thinking Glitter.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
newnormal
Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 14th (Sunday)

Im going from a 4 letter last name to a unpronounceable 10 letter maiden name. Yup. I want my new beginning that bad.

A guy I work with changed his last name to his stepdads. His bio dad was an abuser but his step was a real dad. So cool!


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 14th (Sunday)

No, folks, I want a brand new name.

My maiden name is Irish and had enough problems in school with that.

I want a NEW name that STBX knows nothing about because there is no telling just what mischief he might do after the D.

I don't want him messing up with my identity (theft) so I would not want him getting a chance to hack into my bank accounts, create online profiles, create small IRA's and then close them out so I'd be in trouble with the IRS...well, you get the idea.

I just want to be be like All Brand New after my D.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 14th (Sunday)

Then your new name should be Lady Liberty.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 14th (Sunday)


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 15th (Monday)

That is a cool name, NG...but I've been "testing" out the name I have decided upon in various ways...and it fits!

***Like a glove!

Every time I use it, I feel re-born.

Maybe more people should do this.

I just worry about future travel, paperwork, etc.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, July 15th (Monday)

I changed mine back to my maiden name after the divorce but I kind of wish I would have changed it to something else now. If I did change it to something else I would have used my maternal grandmothers maiden name, if I ever have a boy I plan to use that as his first name.

My maiden name is Irish and had enough problems in school with that.

Maybe we have the same last name. Lets just say, when I go to the store and hand my credit card to the cashier a majority of the time I see them trying to hold back a chuckle.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 15th (Monday)

Jennie~ I'll just say this:

I hear ya, sister!

Will send you a PM later.

I need to get ready for a biopsy.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I am known in my business by my married name and I thought I would keep it. But after some smart person on SI pointed out that she did not want her X's last name on her tombstone for all eternity did I realize I HAD TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME.

I would rather take the business hit than the emotional hit.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." ó Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, July 15th (Monday)

My maiden name is so incredibly bad that I really don't want it again (it's majorly joke-worth and includes a body part). I also don't want EX's name either...especially with his parents being such jerks to me, I don't want anything to do with them.

Maybe a brand new name is in order. Maybe I'll change my first name to Tabitha too.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I'm considering a new name as well. I like my XWH's last name... this was not my first marriage but this has been the simplest, most likable surname I've had. The only problem is the obvious one- its HIS last name!!

I'm also not eager to go back to my maiden name. Its another one that was tease-worthy in school and involves a body part. *sigh* Also I haven't been that name since I was 18, so it doesn't even feel like "my" name anymore. I've thought about switching to another family name from my mother's side... there are a couple I like. But it just feels weird.

I'm self-employed so ANY change I make is going to be a complicated mess. I already went through that when I married XWH. Not thrilled to have to face it again.

Men have it so easy. They never have to worry about this crap, no matter how many marriages they fuck up. Grr.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 823 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I have decided that I want to change my name. I won't use my maiden which I don't like, I don't want to honor my estranged father in anyway.

I would have used my mother's maiden name except my brother used it for his name change. Due to childhood issues I don't want to be associated with him in any way.

So I'm using my grandmother's maiden name it's one I would have named a son if I'd had one.

My friend decided on her father's first name as her new last name.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 285 | Registered: Jul 2012
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, July 15th (Monday)

My friend decided on her father's first name as her new last name.

!!! That's an option I never considered! My father's name would make great last name; maybe I'll do that.

Thanks for sharing!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 823 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I chose a last name that *I* wanted. My father was a cheater and basically abandoned us. My husband was a cheater and turned into a cruel asshole. I didn't want to be attached to either.

I spent six months (as the divorce dragged on) writing down every last name that appealed to me. I wanted it to match my first, flow well, and be easy to spell. I polled my friends and family (much to their amusement). Finally I decided on a name.

Oh boy was my (then)STBX angry!! I still don't understand why he was so pissed off. We didn't have children. You would have thought he would be perfectly happy for me to drop his last name. He acted like it was a personal affront! That just made it all the sweeter


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3081 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Wow! Beautiful saga!!

Thanks for sharing, Snap.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I hadn't really thought about it. I kept my XWH#1's name for the children, but changed it shortly after the D and knew I would to my WH#2's name. I don't want any of the names I have had before and I like my name now. It is hard to pronouce and spell so it keeps telemarket people at bay. I just say they have the wrong number if they ask for me and don't say my name correctly. I am not lying when I say that person is not at this #. However I do not want it on my tombstone, so I will probably change it to an old family name on my Dad's side if I have it to do over again in the future.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Snap,

I'm with you, why do they get offended?? When I was setting aside things for XWH to pack up and take, I included a set of coasters with his last initial on them. He was all confused and asked me why I didn't want to keep the coasters, since I had picked them out. I said, "Because they have an H on them!" And then he was all hurt and offended, lol.

Duh. Really??


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 823 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I haven't decided on D yet, but am in the same spot if I do.
Maiden name-horrible, not going back.
1st married name? Ok name but he was a WS too...so no.
Current last name is noticeable and I feel like I would be starting fresh without it.
However I have 3 boys and live in a small town so everyone would still know me as "first name last name" regardless of whether I change it or not.
If I do D and do change it, it would be to my mother's maiden name or something close.
Never thought about the tombstone thing before, that's harsh...I still can't say I don't want to be buried next to him. Hadn't even occurred to me...wow.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Violated
Member
Member # 21239
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

I was thinking of changing mine to Clooney. Wishful thinking


Divorced 10/2013

Posts: 542 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: West Coast
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

Great ideas!!

My stbx and I legally changed our last name before our DD17 was born. He didn't want us to be associated with his fathers side. So our last name is his mothers maiden name.

As much as I respect and love her, I cannot be associated with stbx once we are divorced. She uses her married name (stbx's step-father) anyway.

I have been planning on going back to my maiden name but I like the idea of using a parents first name as a last name and the other ideas.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2201 | Registered: Oct 2012
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)

Maybe I'll change my name to Ms.Dreamy Clooney...sure would drive the Geaneology/Ancestry folks nuts someday!

Sorry I can't spell right...blame the pain pill from my biopsy, Arghh


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)

I didn't want my maiden name back after my D. In my state you can change your name when you D, you just say in the papers what your new name is. I dropped my last name entirely and made my middle name my new last name. I had no problems with this, except at the DMV where some uppity bitch claimed it was illegal to have no middle name, even though I had my copy of the D papers with a damn judge's signature.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
CallMeRed1
Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)

I wasn't going to change my name "because of the children". I have done everything "for the children" in the past year.

The one day I got some mail through the door and it said Mrs EXWH on the envelope. And I felt really

Next day it happened again...

So after a good amount of thinking time I changed my mind and I went back to my maiden name. I feel much happier with it now.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

Well, I plan to have a brand new first middle & last name but I don't want to run into problems like DCK has had at the DMV nor have to carry around my D papers.
I was thinking about a flower or type of fabric for the middle and last names.
Easy to spell, feminine, and not too outlandish.
Back to my list...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
Topic Posts: 34