Wayward Side
User Topic: Need to know how to deal with the double edge sword
New Member
Member # 39832
Stop  Posted: 7:24 AM, July 15th (Monday)

I am a male WS, I feel as though I get presented double edge sword when I get into a discussion about anything with my BS. It's like jump off the bridge or the firing squad?

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 15th (Monday)

Ace, welcome to SI. If you post here you will get good advice, and not all of it will be easy for you to hear at this point.

I'm hearing a lot of concern for yourself here, and not much for your BW. Speaking of swords and ran your sword through her heart. You put your M in front of a firing squad. Some BS's here say death would be preferable to being cheated on.

For starters, read this:

and this

and start reading most of these:

^^Everything I write, IMHO & YMMV.^^
fWW: 42, amazing H and two elementary-age kids.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing & rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.

Posts: 774 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, July 15th (Monday)

Welcome to SI,

20wrongs has a point about what you chose to do to your BW when you cheated. It's the unavoidable truth of being a WS. We all did it to our spouses/SO's.

What specifically are you feeling pressure from? Is it the continual questoons? Is it that your BW doesn't believe you? Is it that the only privacy you have right nkw is in the bathroom?

In general, once a WS comes clean with the entire truth and provides complete transparency, things get easier. Sort of. Really, if you have these feelings, it implies that maybe the whole truth isn't out. I say that not because I don't believe that you haven't told the whole truth, only that we see it here often that the WS says "That's all there is." only to let out a little detail later on. It's called trickle truth (TT).

So, maybe start working through some of the details in this thread and see what happens.

Have you reae the healing library yet? There's a link in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Lots of good info in there.

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6047 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 15th (Monday)


Welcome to the group. I am also a fairly new member and can tell you many of the older members will be able to offer you help an insight, even if it's hard to hear.

I don't think there is a difference if you are a male or female wayward spouse.

The fact is we are all wayward; our ages, races, social statuses, and genders don't matter. The reasons we have for what we did may differ from person to person.

But i am curious why you think it's a double edged sword?

"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 542 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
New Member
Member # 39832
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 15th (Monday)


Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Truth hurts. Telling out BS this stuff is brutal. But not telling them is the killer. A lot of us are guilty of glossing over details, leaving things out, or outright lying about events during the A. I've seen more than one BS here say, "It wasn't so much the actual act, it was all the lies during and after. They just keep lying."

Don't be the WS that is "protecting" your BS from "further hurts". If she asks, "How many times?" If it was 1 or 1,000, be completely honest. Yes, the truth hurts. But the lies hurt worse. And those are the killers.

Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider

Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 6