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User Topic: Suggestions for dealing with OW?
cocototo2
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 15th (Monday)

So, last week, I told the OBS about the affair between our spouses. He obviously confronted her over the weekend because WH received an email from her this am stating that he was obviously delusional because nothing ever happened between them and he was probably just covering up another affair. I am 100% sure that this is the woman my WH was cheating with. WH forwarded OW's email to OW & OBS and explained that there was no mistake on my part - OW was the correct woman. WH is also attempting to recover the emails, videos, and pictures from his computer.

Now, what I REALLY want to do is to respond to her and ask her how I could possibly have this confused (giving her the details I read in the emails). I'm thinking mostly that this is a bad idea. I will forward the emails, pictures, and videos to both OBS and OW when I get them, but at this point, I've told OBS and I don't particularly care about OW, so I've done my duty and it's their responsibility to figure out. Right? I have my life to fix and should focus on that.


BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 15th (Monday)

You need to give a copy of all evidence to the BH and leave it at that. Don't contact the OW again.

Why isn't the OW blocked from contacting your WH?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
kiki1
Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 15th (Monday)

hello coco. take the high the road on this one. she is desperately trying to cover her ass now that the cat is out of the bag. Your right, you did the right thing by letting the OBS know. let them figure their own stuff out. dont argue with her, she's a liar!!

Posts: 568 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
cocototo2
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 15th (Monday)

WH deleted all the emails, pictures, etc. he's trying to recover them. ODS wants to meet with him (according to OW). I didn't demand a NC because I didn't want her tipped off that I knew so I could contact OBS before she could spin it. At this point, I'm done wasting time on her. And him.


BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Why are you upset with her BH?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
cocototo2
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 15th (Monday)

confused615 - not upset with him - typed on my phone and must have missed deleting the last 2 words from a previous thought. I am done with them though. At this point, I told OBS and he can do with it all as he see's fit.

Also - I have never contacted the OW. A moment of weakness that she might be worth my time - not!


BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
njgal480
Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, July 15th (Monday)

You did the right thing in telling the OBS.

But, I'm not sure if it's a good idea for your WS to meet with him.

Who knows what could happen with tempers flaring etc.

I met with the OW's BS and we exchanged copies of incriminating emails etc.

But,I don't think that any good would have come from the BH meeting with my FWH.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
cocototo2
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, July 15th (Monday)

njgal480 - Thanks.

The meeting wasn't WH's idea - OW suggested that OBS might stop by WH's office on Thursday ... WH has moved offices since the affair, so OBS wouldn't know where he was anyway. However, WH offered to meet OBS in a public place, if necessary.

I don't think it's a good idea either.


BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Your Wh shouldn't meet with her BH. Nothing good can come of it. He could offer to skype with him? Maybe that would be a safe compromise.

I agree...you've done your part..you've told her husband. However,please,if you can recover any evidence,make sure he gets a copy. We all know what it's like to be lied to and gaslighted..and clearly his WW is lying her ass off.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 9