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User Topic: I never had sex outside my marriage
islesguy
Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

"I never had sex outside my marriage" is a statement that I held onto for myself to help justify the other things I did. This statement and the value I once placed on it is perhaps what has damaged my marriage the most. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it would have been better if I had actually had sex with someone else and I did have a physical affair by making out with someone other than my wife. But, what I am saying that this is what kept me blind for so long to the reality of what I had done and the damage I had caused and it kept me on the path of downplaying and trickle truth. In the big picture, whether or not I had sex with someone else isn't very important. The damage I caused was the trust that was broken by bringing an outsider into my marriage by having an emotional affair and violating the sanctity of our marriage by discussing intimate details of my relationship and my spouse and by having inappropriate sexual discussions with this outsider. If you are a wayward and you foolishly feel like what you have done is not so horrible just because there was no actual sex involved, you need to let go of this as it is only acting as a way for you to rationalize and self justify without facing the reality of the damage your other actions have caused. Perhaps I am just completely stupid and unique because It took me a long time to learn this valuable lesson but just in case what I have gone through is common among other waywards, I hope that this will help you get it sooner than I did.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.


Posts: 182 | Registered: Jan 2013
overcoming2003
Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

Well stated...

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

I would love for my WH to read this.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

True infidelity isn't just the physical. Any part of a relationship that is to be shared with only a SO/Spouse and now shared with another is cheating.

The consequences are long reaching in relationships with family and friends. The future is forever changed.

The damage of infidelity destroyed my marriage is healing but it also has altered my relationship with my adult kids, business associates, and any potential long term relationship with a new man in my life.
My outlook concerning trust and marriage has been changed, the innocence is lost. All because of FT's self entitlement.

He had no right to fuck up my life the way he did.

5 yrs after dday and now divorced, I'm OK and moving forward. Ready to give my love to a deserving wonderful man but forever has changed.

I'm happy for you that you realize the depth of destruction your actions has done and now I hope you will never repeat the past.
Hugs
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)

Perhaps I am just completely stupid and unique because It took me a long time to learn this valuable lesson

It's a valuable lesson -- sounds like the difference between "Getting It" and not Getting It.

May I ask about your turning point? What opened your eyes and your heart?

Thanks for your honesty.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
islesguy
Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)

May I ask about your turning point? What opened your eyes and your heart?

It was finally started listening to my wife (rather than just talking about it) and hearing and seeing the devastation in her and the way my actions have effected every aspect of her life and her future.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.


Posts: 182 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 6