So sorry you are here but people here at SI can help you through this.
The saying here is it takes 2-5 years to heal. As we approach the four year mark, I think that timeframe is right on target for us.
You just started this roller coaster and time can help R if the spouse is remorseful, transparent and working hard to do what you need to heal. At nine months out from Dday I was so angry at my H, I was breaking dishes and yelling.....for the first few months after Dday, I was in shock and so broken and really didn't strike out at my H. There are different stages and different solutions for us all, but the one thing I think helped most at SI was people telling me I didn't have to make any life changing decisions right away....many recommended waiting a year and I'm glad I did. My emotional roller coaster was all over the place for the year after Dday. It wasn't until I got through the worst of the pain and then the anger that I could really see we might be able to make it together.
I've spent my adult life with my H and this had been the most difficult time in our relationship, but we both work hard at being a couple again and being attentive to each other's needs.
Have you read Five Languages Yet? It helped my H and I understand each other better even though we've been together since our 20's. How about IC for you? It helped me to talk with a good IC who was capable of helping me look at my actions and my feelings logically instead of with so much emotion.
Most of all take good care of yourself and know that for some people infidelity is a deal breaker. But you don't have to make that decision today or even next month...You can decide when you really know what you want and there is no deadline for that.