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User Topic: It feels like 50 First Dates from hell!
freelancer
Member
Member # 36529
Sad  Posted: 12:58 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

With a lot less pineapple. And no Adam Sandler.

I feel like I am caught in this vicious spin cycle of waking up in denial of what my husband has done to me, to my life and my children's lives. And as the day progresses, and the reality of it sets in, the anger rises. By the time he is home for the day, I am so angry I can spit. Has anyone else experienced this?

We are just a year out from D-DAY and this is also affair season. I am sure that both are HUGE contributing factors.

I was unable to have my IC appt this week and won't have it next week (IC is on vacation), I have NO support where I live (just recently moved 45 minutes away from all of my friends) and my family is 3000 miles away.

To add a nice little cherry on top, I got a call from my father at 2 AM (ET) that my mother had (what they believed was) a Grand Mal seizure and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Now that she has been admitted, they believe it may have been a stroke. She *just* got out of the hospital on Monday due to MRSA at the incision site of the back surgery she had three weeks ago. This could be related to the possible stroke.

I feel like I might literally break.


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

(((hugs))) I''m so sorry about your mother. This on top of everything else must just make you frantic. I hope you can carve out some time to go see her.

I had a day like you describe yesterday, but mine go to numb and lifeless, vice anger. I woke up, feeling good, helped move a boat, went to work, had a pretty good day, picked up FWH from work feeling a bit flat, dropped him at his class feeling a bit down, went home, and had a full meltdown crying and wailing in the shower so the neighbors wouldn''t hear. Got myself together and picked him up and was absolutely numb and lifeless. Came home with barely enough energy to crawl into bed and laid there awake for hours. And he did all the right things, asking after me, trying to cater to me, coming up to bed to be with me instead of getting involved in stuff in the house. But I was just a dead lump of flesh taking up room in the bed.


(((hugs))) I''d like to unplug this washing machine too.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

((((freelancer)))) So sorry about your mother and the other issues plaguing you presently.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9750 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
freelancer
Member
Member # 36529
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Thanks, Skan and Crushed. We are still waiting on news on my mother. EEG results, I'm told.

Everyday I just have to make it to bedtime, right?


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Dang, sorry you're here. I well know the fear you have. My sitch was reversed though. Mom had some kind of seizure(believe it or not almost a year long) and my Dad died just about a year before FWW's affair. It's a lot of shit on your plate, no question. However, the 2 little ones deserve better(1 in my case) than just making it to bedtime.

Sending/sharing MOJO.

Prayers


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2985 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
freelancer
Member
Member # 36529
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

5454, you are right, they definitely deserve better than just making it to bedtime. I should have been more specific on that. To me, that means faking it for them, until they have made it through a day as normal as possible. I am doing my best to stay engaged with them, yesterday my 5 year old read 9 books to me (seriously!) while my 2 year old napped. And we go to the gym daily, for them and for me. I am really trying, but sometimes I need to remind myself I only have to make it to bedtime for today to count.

I am sorry about your parents. I think losing my dad is one of my biggest fears. I think that beside my kids, he is the only person who has ever truly valued me.


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 6