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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Well, shit, y'all
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

Long story, but I just found out today that he went a couple weeks ago and filled out a move out form for our military housing - the house I have sole use of in our temp agreement - without notifying me. Today was the first I heard of it, when I found out they're expecting me to move out in about 2 weeks, and yes, I really do have to, because it's a military rule and civilian courts can't influence that. They won't even tel me the exact move out date, since he's the member, so I don't even know exactly when me and my 3 kids and all our stuff are supposed to be out.

Court is tomorrow. I wonder how this will play out for him. He claims he told his attorney to tell mine, but there are a few reasons I don't believe that. I'll keep them to myself so I can explain them as needed in court though, if anyone asks. :) I had a mild emotional breakdown when I first got the phone call this morning, but I'm learning how incredibly, ridiculously strong I am when I need to be, so I pulled my shit together after crying for ten minutes and I'm okay. The kids don't know yet, because I can't tell them until the hearing tomorrow, when I figure out what I'm going to have to do. Who does this to their kids though? Especially a special needs kid who doesn't deal well with change?

I debated posting because it seems like everything I say might aggravate the situation by inflaming him, but damn it, he's going to act badly no matter what I do, so might as well just talk.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

What a lowlife bastard. Lawsey, I really want to kick him where it counts.

(((Coraline)))
(((kids)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9243 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

Ditto Nature_Girl.
Do you have family or help nearby that can help you get the move done on record time?

((( Coraline and kiddos )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6059 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

What kind of a lowlife could do that to his children????

I'm so sorry Coraline.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4370 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

no no no no no!
I sent you a pm.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Oct 2012
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

This will not go over well in court for him.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4680 | Registered: Feb 2008
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)

Oh, I would pay to be a fly on the wall when the judge hears about THIS bullshit tomorrow! Yeah, they really love adulterous POSs that boot their wives and children out of the house onto the street. I hope the judge awards you both of his ears and that ridiculous excuse for a forward-facing tail. Which you might need tweezers to find.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4557 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 3:10 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Skan, your posts are always some of my favorites, lol. :)

I have some friends here and all are willing to help me. I just have no idea how it will be possible for me to pack this house up. We have SO MUCH STUFF, and 3 kids, 2 of them very little. I really *need* a moving company to do it, but I don't know how to pay for that, and I can probably only afford a 2 bedroom in this expensive city, which sucks with 3 kids, but whatever. We're going to need a big storage unit for the rest of our stuff.

I'm not going to stress about it until I know what I'm expected to do. Then I'll figure it out, and it's going to suck, but I will manage. I'm just so, so devastated for my kids. This block of this neighborhood is something special. Our neighbors help each other out like family. I hang out with my next door neighbor literally 5 to 7 days each week. She's one of my best friends in the world. We both have 3yo girls, who are best buddies and play together all the time, and my 1yo thinks she's her second mother. 1yo cries whenever neighbor leaves, always runs to her to be picked up whenever she sees her, etc. My 9yo has friends she goes out to play with literally every day. I can't believe he's doing this to them.

He can hide behind military rules as his excuse all day, but he didn't give a crap about rules when he was boinking his married co-worker, or when he was boinking that 20yo girl 8 years ago (because I no longer believe that was an EA, after finding out this wasn't) or when he was violating HIPAA with this new one. Now we're all supposed to believe he cares? Please. If he hadn't told housing to kick me out, they wouldn't have. Plain and simple. But even if he HAD to tell them, he could've made sure I had proper notice, so I could secure a new place and prepare my kids.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

(((Cora))))

No good words for you, just some hugs & some empathy.

He sounds like a real fucking shit. I'm sorry.



Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 727 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

He's having you thrown out of your house? He is having his children thrown out of their home?

OMG.

You read alot of shitty things here on SI...this is one of the worst. Wow. Im speechless.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7116 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

What a poor excuse of a human being.

Take heart friend - he has so few buttons to push he is getting desperate. The behaviour and acting out escalates because they have run out of buttons.

You'd think they'd at least try to hold on a tiny bit of self-respect by not doing awful things to their kids. Alas, no. They can't even manage that.

((Coraline)) whatever happens YOU ARE GOING TO BE A-OK.

He can do things to inconvenience you and make your children's lives harder than they need to be. But his opportunity to do so will run out one day.

At the end of the day he will be the sad lonely guy who no-one visits in the nursing home whilst you are enveloped in the warmth and love of your family until the end of your days.

Your kids and mine will be grown ups for far longer than they are children. He is continuing to make the biggest mistakes of his life and he is too dumb to realise it.

He will reap what he sows. You can count on that.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5401 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
welcome14
Member
Member # 26741
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Have you gone to his Commander? If they are decent people they will help you with this bs. The exhusband's supervisor called me to tell me how unhappy the xh was and couldn't I just let him come home? I told her exactly what he had done, and at the end of the call, she said she had to go. To go kick his ass. And that's a quote. Good luck, I know you will find a way to persevere.


Nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home- nikki sixx

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.


Posts: 1158 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: clarksville, tn/ Ft Campbell
Strongmama
Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

What a lowlife POS! You make sure that judge know just what an upstanding soldier he is...NOT! I'm so sorry he is doing this to you and your babies. My EX pos is military too, and let me tell you some of these creeps think they are above the law! Mine thinks he's Major God! They are pathetic broken people.
You sound very strong and you'll be amazed at just how strong you are. He does not deserve you or those precious children. What amazes me is that a man (term used loosely) could actually do this to their family and these idiot OW think they've got a real catch?! Losers!
Sending strength and prayer to you!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Coraline I always read but seldom respond to your posts b/c I always have the same negative reaction ---WOW! WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG!

today I just feel the need to post something.

WOW! WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLY EPICLY DISTURBED FUCKING DOUCHBAG!

I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. Wish I could help you pack and find a new place.

Years ago my NPD freak -- my sons bio dad not my X. Did something similar with family student housing. All my friends were gone for the summer. I got that place moved and it was crazy hard but I got it done. You'll be OK. It does work out.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8405 | Registered: Apr 2008
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Coraline, if you have to move out, can't you ask the military movers to come help? I'm sorry if that's a dumb question...I'm trying to remember how my military friends have done it, and they've always used the army movers.

Posts: 3292 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

If you dont have a way to take everything (arent you going back to the mainland at some point?) Can you leave it behind? You know, for him? Are you personally responsible for the housing, or is he? Cuz if it is ultimately his responsibility I would leave as much crap for him to clean out as possible, and to unencumber your NB.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1086 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Heartbroken nailed it.
Ultimately if you cannot finish packing and moving everything, just leave it.
Your WH is the military member so HE is ultimately responsible for the house- not you.

He wants you out? Fine. IF there's nothing you can do (I also suggest you speak to his commander), then pack the essentials and leave the rest for him to clean up.

Also, DO check into the movers. They will make things a lot simpler for you.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6059 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

First: Holy fucking douchebag! That is one cold, heartless mother-fucker.

And now -- yeah, just leave what you can't take or weren't planning on taking back to the mainland. The rest is his problem.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4542 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

I just don't understand how someone can be so cruel. Be strong, Coraline.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1666 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

Wow. it doesn't get much lower than that. FTG doesn't seem strong enough....


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2567 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Wow, that was a real shit move on his part. He didn't have to notify housing just yet, but he did, and he did it to stick it to you. Well, congratulations scumbag, you've succeeded. Bravo. I know rules are rules, but come on.

Now, I'd be on the phone or meeting with his supervisor asap. That may or may not get you anywhere, but I feel like they like to know about these kinds of things.

Next, I know how stringent the military is about what condition the house has to be in when you move out. I would take what you need, and leave the place a fucking mess. Let him hire a cleaning company so he doesn't get fined. He wants to stir the pot? I say you put that pot on the fire and turn up the heat.

What a lowlife.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3164 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

My POS ex was in the military for 90% of our marriage. Take what you need and want and leave the rest for your POS to deal with. Don't even *think* about cleaning and doing anything necessary for clearing.

Have you talked to his command about anything that is going on? Even if they can't/won't help, I would make sure everyone knew what he was doing and what he has done before I left. He is a monster, an abomination walking around in human form.

And you are right. No matter what you do he is going to behave badly, so do whatever the hell you WANT to do with zero regard for his reaction. I am SO angry for you! So many of our military members are true heroes but there are A LOT of assholes who wear the uniform for the ego boost and their hero complex when in reality they are heartless cowards like your husband pretending to be better than they are.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Thank you all for the support. In this situation, reaffirming to me that he's the jerk, not me, counts as support. Since we dropped the criminal TRO to make it a civil matter, he's been able to pick the kids up at the house, and he's been super nice to me, which, of course, was very confusing to me, because I *know* he has only animosity towards me, but it causes some serious cognitive dissonance to see one thing and know reality is different. I told my friend that he was acting nice, but I knew he was up to *something*, because he always is, and I needed to keep telling myself that, every time I started to feel friendly towards him or believe we could ever be friends.

Obviously I was right, because he had to have done this at least 2 weeks ago, because they need 30 days notice. It's hard to ignore what you see and listen to your gut when you know what is true, but I'm glad I did. It saved me some hurt feelings and shock.

I'm at the courthouse now. 20 more minutes!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Deep breaths Coraline!! We are all standing with you ... giving him the stink eye and middle finger!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I'm so proud of you, Coraline. You have stared this situation right in the face & stood up for yourself & your children. You've come so far and have been incredibly strong. Keep going, Mama!

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 2:23 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9243 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Doesn't the military have a code of conduct they expect their soldiers to follow? Is his commanding officer aware that one of his soldiers has been having an affair with a MARRIED woman?

I'd make him aware. Yesterday.

I hope court goes well.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7116 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

So good news and bad news. The good news is housing will extend us until Sept, but the bad news is we definitely have to be out by Sept. We *almost* settled, but one issue held it up and therefore he refused to agree to ANYTHING. The one issue was just how private school expenses would be paid, and EVERYTHING else was worked out, but they refused to reserve that issue. He won't agree to anything until he agrees to everything.

Whatever. I now know that the *worst* that can happen isn't so bad, so I'm just riding the waves. The worst he can do is make me poor for a while and lie about me, which he apparently does with impunity, but no one believes anything he says except his psycho girlfriend, his attorney and apparently his family, and I don't care what any of those people think. The judge already made it abundantly clear that I was getting physical custody. The rest is just details.

It's a week later, but I'm editing these to say that I think that whole custody thing wasn't so abundantly clear after all. It was mentioned, but nothing is done until the final trial, so it could still change. :-/

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:15 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Thank you so much for checking in! I know you must be exhausted. I've been checking SI for a update from you all afternoon. I hope you get a chance to unwind tonight.

I guess the housing is good news but I still think he is a prick for not putting the children's best interest first. So yah, let's either force them to endure another HUGE transition BEFORE school starts OR DURING the school year. What an asshole.

I'm glad to hear you got physical custody. It sounds like all his chest thumping and controlling antics are rolling off of you like water on a duck. Keep moving forward. I better life awaits you.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Oct 2012
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Well technically it's not that he gave me custody yet. He just said that he would of he were our trial judge, and that whoever our trial judge is also will. I'm still paranoid about it, but I have to let that go. A hundred people, 5 lawyers, and a judge can't all be wrong.

It's a week later and I'm editing this because I was talking to my attorney again today and it seemed like my understanding of this was wrong. He said something to the effect of me having custody, but apparently one can never take that to mean much, before all the chips fall.

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:12 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

A hundred people, 5 lawyers, and a judge can't all be wrong.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Oct 2012
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Coraline, just keep doing what you are doing because it's all going to be okay. You got this!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4680 | Registered: Feb 2008
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I''m glad that you got extended tell September. Now, go find a place for you and your babies. Take only what you want. Sell the rest. In a big yard sale at the house, with a sign saying "Adultery Sale Proceeds Go To Support An Abandoned Family. And then leave the trash in the house. He''s the military member, let HIM pick up the slack. Because it goes on his records, not on yours.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4557 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Coraline, I can't help but think about how much stronger you have become since your very first posts. I'm so proud of the strength I feel coming through your posts. You got this!!!!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4542 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Thank you, Tesla! I feel much stronger than I ever have in my life. I know I'm not going to get everything I want, but now I know my kids will be where they belong. That's the important thing.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Be strong!! It's amazing what the good folks on SI have been able to go through and yet we're still standing.

PS...I doubt his attorney believes him. He's just getting paid to be a divorce lawyer...which I've learned is just about the money and power.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 19th (Friday)

That surprises me as the military looks down on this kind of behavior. You need to get his CO involved and see what kind of help can be offered.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 36