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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Wasband Married?
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Shutup  Posted: 11:35 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

As most of you know, my DD14 is in a residential treatment program for mental health and behavior issues. Part of her treatment program includes a weekly family therapy session that she, wasband, and I all attend together each Thursday morning.

Halfway through this morning's session, I noticed (with some annoyance) that wasband was gesturing with his hands - a LOT more than usual. And then I noticed something shiny on his hand. On his LEFT hand - ring finger.

Wasband is wearing a shiny new band on his ring finger.

Initial reaction - Whu?

Second reaction -

Subsequent reactions ever since -

Oh. Em. Gee. I think he eloped over the weekend. I think he got married to his girlfriend of 4 months (who is NOT an OW, obviously).

And then? This ad wizard shows up to his daughter's therapy session wearing the wedding ring BUT DOESN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

The hell, people?

Now, I've got nothing against her. Truly. In fact, she's an awful lot like me, right down to political leanings and causes she champions. We have friends in common, although we have never met. And she has two teenagers the same age as ours and the same genders. Seriously. It's a bit spooky, really.

I'm pretty sure he just married me and the kids version 2.0. And all I can do is laugh.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

DAFUUUUUQQQ???

Yeah, you weren't any good, so he had to go out and find......another (inferior) version ..... of YOU!

Karma baby, karma. Sit back, open the popcorn and ENJOY!!


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 18th (Thursday)

I think he got married to his girlfriend of 4 months
4 months??? I guess if she was NIK 2.0 he didn't really need to take time to get to know her - he just checked off the boxes. Wow - relationship master.

I can't really think of newbie wife as 2.0, as that would imply "improved". I can't imagine all of your awesomeness could be improved on. It's more like a knock-off version of the real thing.

Glad you can laugh at this. I hope DD is doing well. Has it been a month already?


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1772 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

She's been there about 6 weeks, Lyonesse. And she's doing fairly well. Or at least, she had been.

I'm concerned about how she'll react once she notices the ring. Seriously, who gets married without telling their kids????

JAMFs with ninja-level compartmentalization skills, that's who.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I'm thinking after you got away from the lying cheat, YOU became NIK 2.0.

This chick sounds like NIK 0.0003. Just wait till she gets to know him better..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1989 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Also? DS19 has never met the woman. NOT ONCE. The. Hell.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, July 18th (Thursday)



me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2564 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I'm glad DD's doing OK. I know the settling in was hard for her.

Is it possible to contact the family counselor outside of the session and raise this concern? If it's true, maybe it is better for DD to find out while in the program, so they can offer her additional support?

I don't have experience with this, but I get your concern. And I did have a JAMF with ninja-level compartmentalization skills for a father, so I know how rough that can be.

(nik & dd)

Though I did when I first read this. With a hearty helping of


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1772 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Sorry, but NIK anything.0 would be smarter than to get married after 4 months.

She may have some interests in common, but she will never be as great as you, NIK!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I guess if she was NIK 2.0 he didn't really need to take time to get to know her - he just checked off the boxes. Wow - relationship master.

Achievement unlocked!


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Shaking head and already knowing where this will end up going. I will pop the corn you guys all pick the appropriate beverages


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1672 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Achievement unlocked!


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Holy crap, NIK!!

I'm so glad you can laugh about this.
What a colossal douche.

(um, Achievement unlocked??? is that a video game reference?)


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

He might not be...Way back when, right after we separated and I was still going back & forth to the marital home, I noticed the X was wearing a band. It was on his pinky, but it was unmistakably a cheap wedding band.

I questioned him about it rather vigorously and he finally admitted the OW bought it for him. I guess she was marking her territory...she should have just peed on him.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 12:45 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19764 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

I'm taking the under.

The Commish


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 18th (Thursday)


What an idiot.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, July 18th (Thursday)


The similarities are eery. Weird. But she is definitely not NIK and kids 2.0 ... more like NIK and kids -2.0 (that a big fat negative).


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Oct 2012
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Aww... truly love you guys.
Is it possible to contact the family counselor outside of the session and raise this concern? If it's true, maybe it is better for DD to find out while in the program, so they can offer her additional support?
I'm waiting for a callback from the therapist on a different issue. Debating whether to bring this up with her, since I don't know ANYTHING for a fact - just observed the ring.

IDK whether to address it with him first, talk to the counselor anyway, or just sit back and let things play out?


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Definitely ask the therapist the 'What if...' question. He/she should be on alert if this becomes an issue with DD and can advise you of the options on how to proceed.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19764 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Oh. Em. Gee. I think he eloped over the weekend. I think he got married to his girlfriend of 4 months (who is NOT an OW, obviously).

Oh God, I'd think I won the lottery. 4 months sounds about right. Any longer and there would be little chance of sticking around sans chloroform.

Is your daughter close to her dad? Sorry, don't know your story well. If so I agree support when told. Would part deux be included in sessions or is it just parents?


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Seriously, who gets married without telling their kids????

well, besides your wasband, there's the ass I used to be married to. Oh wait, I guess he did tell one of the boys, after the fact, of course.

Glad you could laugh about it. I hope finding out doesn't cause any setbacks for your daughter.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12120 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Actually, Mr. Peckerwood/Perv was discussing M with OW over a year ago-he'd known her less than half a year and was willing to throw away 20 years and his life with his child for OW.

This happened to a friend also, who found out after being married that her H -now ExH -was married previously, also for...4 months!

What is with that number?

And, something that's bothered me a long while, is that my mother's current BF was her counselor/social worker, who was mysteriously fired after a job with long service in it...we don't know why, some years later.

Her BFF is also planning to move away with the man she love-they are in their 60's-and this was her psychologist.

To me, and I don't know if any of you will think this, there is a common factor...boundaries?

I'm only glad you can laugh about Wasband. And I wonder how long it will last.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2129 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

NiK, if he doesn't do something selfish and stupid at regular intervals he loses his Douschebag-Of-The-Month membership - didn't you know?

In all seriousness, I think that I've experienced my biggest "Who DOES that?!?!" moment here today.

(((Youse)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16253 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

They could be also be faking it. My XH and the OW wore wedding rings before we were even divorced. Hell, they were engaged before we were divorced also.

I don't see this going over well with the kids if they haven't even met her yet.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4678 | Registered: Feb 2008
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Do you think he would be goofy enough to be wearing some sort of "promise ring" his GF gave him like he did with the OW? Just a thought.

If not, then this is apparently the month of Douchiest XWS Weddings Ever.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 8:21 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

Wow. What a douche! I would hope (but not expect) that his focus would be on DD's progress, and not making it worse for her by throwing new GF/wife into the picture.

Peridot's post reminded me of something that happened when I was a kid. My aunt's sister met a guy, they dated for a while, and then they married. I even remember the reception. Turns out, he was actually married to someone else. He didn't bother actually divorcing his BW before attempting to legally marry someone else. I cannot fathom what it must be like to live in some of these WS's heads.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

IDK whether to address it with him first, talk to the counselor anyway, or just sit back and let things play out?

I think my inclination would be to bring it to the counselor's attention, but make it clear you don't know anything for sure. I wouldn't want to give Wasband the satisfaction of noticing, but the counselor could perhaps say that she noticed he was wearing a wedding band and wondered if he had anything to discuss that might impact DD's progress in the program?


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1772 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Also? DS19 has never met the woman. NOT ONCE. The. Hell.

This part really ticks me off. Obviously I plan on introducing any future partners to my children before I make a major commitment such as marriage or moving in together.. I would go as far as to say that if he is not good with my children or they don't get along, that would probably be a dealbreaker for me. Kids come first!! WTF is wrong with these selfish asshats???

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 12:35 AM, July 19th (Friday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1989 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, July 19th (Friday)

He was waving his hans around more than usual???

Sounds to me he wanted to be sure you noticed it and maybe wanted to bring it up right then and there.

What a great way to help the healing.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Hardly slept at all last night contemplating what, if anything, to do with this. Complicating matters is the fact that I hit the road in a couple of days for work travel, and won't be physically around for either DD or DS should things fall out.

So, I'm going to chat with the counselor this morning, just to give a heads up that there might be a huge bomb headed DD's way.

As for DS... He hasn't spoken with or seen his dad in close to two months. His relationship with his father is totally out of my hands, as he's 19 now. Thinking of just letting this ride and leave it between the two of them. Chances are they won't see each other while I'm gone, and I'm loathe to insert myself in the middle of their relationship.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, July 19th (Friday)

DS just called me to let me know his father reached out to ask him over to meet the gf/wife/whatever tonight. And DS agreed to go.

So I'm guessing I'll have confirmation one way or the other after that.

If you are so inclined, keep a good thought for DS tonight. I have a feeling this will be rough for him.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 19th (Friday)


I'm concerned about how she'll react once she notices the ring. Seriously, who gets married without telling their kids????

That would be my X, although they were planning a wedding for their 6 month anniversary. Some of the kids found their marriage license online with the correct date. They still pretend the faux wedding is their anniversary.

Saying prayers for both your kids.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4817 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, July 19th (Friday)


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17097 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

Wow, that's ridiculous. If he wants to wave it all around so everyone notices, why not just come out and tell you?


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

any news from dinner last night?


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Any news?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4817 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

*sigh* No news.

I didn't see DS until this morning. I asked him how last night went, and he started talking about how he didn't see what the big deal was - that it had a few creepy points, but wasn't nearly as scary as everyone was making it out to be.

Took me a minute to realize that he was talking about the movie he and his gf had gone to see AFTER meeting wasband & gf/whatever.

When that got straightened out, all he said was, "She seemed nice. It's weird with Dad, though. It's like he isn't my father anymore - just some guy I know." How sad is that?

No mention of the ring. No mention of anything else. And I really couldn't push him any farther without flat out asking him if he'd seen a ring, which I don't want to do.

So... ???

I don't think it's a coincidence that he invited DS to meet the gf/whatever now after so long of not pushing for it. I don't know - maybe they wanted to do the introduction before the announcement?


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Of they are doing what Xbox did. Plan a wedding so all can attend?

I hope he doesn't do that.

Are your records available online? Might be worth a check so you aren't blindsided by his nuptials


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4817 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

UPDATE...

DD was home with me on a day pass this afternoon. Took her back to the program about an hour ago, and when I got back and got on the computer, I found she had left her FB logged in and sitting on her Dad's FB page (where she had left him a birthday note). In his feed, there was a picture of his gf's hand, sporting an engagement ring, sitting on top of his (with the new band), and the notation "Engaged - July 13."

Dudes - he got engaged last month, posted it on FRICKING FB, and didn't tell either of his kids.

There are "likes" and comments from friends AND RELATIVES, but he didn't tell his kids. Their aunts, uncles, and cousins know about it.

DS saw the post (he isn't friends with wasband, but saw it via his sister's logon). DS is incredulous. And playing it off in a smart aleck way, but you can tell he's really hurt. Pretty sure DD didn't see it. She would have said something if she had.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the future Mr. and Mrs. JAMF?!


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

And playing it off in a smart aleck way, but you can tell he's really hurt.

My heart's breaking for your son. Like my kids, yours don't deserve to have such an ass for a dad, either.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12120 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

((((inconnu's boys))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

oh Nik...

It sucks when they give us evidence over and over again of what insensitive stupid idiots they are.

You might be an idiot if..... (this could be an after dinner game at your house. JAMF has given you plenty to work with.)

I am so sorry. (((hugs)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5567 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Um. Seriously? How do you not tell your kids? What the fuck is this dude's malfunction? Stupid, stupid wasband.
And I feel the need to throw in an FTG.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

What a Doosh. Seriously, that is a large cup of crap he's serving your kids.

Does he think they won't notice?!?!??


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3507 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Does he think they won't notice?!?!??
I seriously doubt he "thinks" at all. At least, not about anyone other than himself.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

(((NIK and kids)))

What a shit pickle.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

NIK, is your daughter's behavior treatment related to your XH's wayward conduct.

Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

NIK, is your daughter's behavior treatment related to your XH's wayward conduct.
No it isn't. DD is special needs. She is on the autism spectrum, and the treatment is related to that as well as some other neurological conditions.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Well, I don't know what the problem is. I mean, it's true love, and true love doesn't have to bow to all of these silly conventions, like telling your children that you're engaged to be married. I mean, who does that anyway? That's SO yesterday.

Stupid jackass. And what the hell is HIS ring? A man-gagement ring?

I'm sorry for your kids, NIK. Mine are beginning to grasp what a jerk their father is. It's so sad.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Ok, I get it, he is WAY out of line not telling his kids.
However, none of our ex's are "normal" people. None of them, these are men/women who think of no one but themselves and those who please them for the moment. Many of these people had "girlfriends/boyfriends/fiances" while still actively married to all of us. He already has made so many bad decisions, why does it continue to surprise us? Oh yeah, cause we are normal and we LEARN from our mistakes.
NIK, you are so much better off raising your kids without having to deal with making correct decisions for the man-child JAMF!!!


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1672 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

NIK I don't venture in this forum much anymore. I didn't read all the replies, but...

Glad you are just laughing about it, because really "they" (I use that term for the WS's like ours) do some stupid ass things don't they?

Ugh, I feel for your kids though, having to deal with a father who is not grown up.

Least they a terrific mom like you.


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25505 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 12th (Monday)

You know, I was laughing at it when I thought it was a complete secret. Now that I know it's common PUBLIC knowledge to everyone BUT his own kids? I'm pissed. And I'm trying not to let that guide me at the moment.

I'm meeting with my IC today to formulate an approach. My initial thought is to ask the treatment program to separate our "family therapy" so I have a weekly session with DD and the counselor, and they have a separate session with wasband (and potentially his new wife).

I also want the therapist to know that wasband is keeping this secret from DD (as well as the secret that the dog went missing 9 months ago, and hasn't been found).

I KNOW he's a selfish, flawed, immature maroon. I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole!


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 12th (Monday)

(((NIK and kids)))

FTG!


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1086 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Real klassy, Wasband.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I KNOW he's a selfish, flawed, immature maroon. I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole
!


Yeah. Ok. But what about *her*? Who marries someone after only 4 months? Who marries someone without having met their children? She must not be very bright.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3070 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Their selfishness is just unbelievable sometimes..

(((((NIK)))))


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1989 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 12th (Monday)

From all outward signs, she is a decent person. She treats my DD well, and we have some friends in common who are awesome people. I know she's been widowed for a long time, and (IRONY ALERT) wasband is very good at dating.

I'm sure he looks like quite the catch. And who knows - maybe her late husband was Satan's younger brother, right? So wasband could be a dream match in comparison. IDK and IDC.

As long as my kids are treated well, I have no issues with any of this. BUT... that's why I now have an issue - they AREN'T being treated well. They are being left in the dark. That's all on him. It's his responsibility and he's failing miserably at it.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Yeah. Ok. But what about *her*? Who marries someone after only 4 months? Who marries someone without having met their children? She must not be very bright.

I can name a couple!

Do guys get engagement rings these days? I thought it was just women. X wore his wedding band before the big day. Told the kids he didn't want to loose it . The real reason was the secret wedding by a notary 2 weeks after finalization and 5 weeks before the BIG wedding day.

NIK for some reason they go lower than low. I feel for your kids.

Hugs for all of you,

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 7:28 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4817 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole!

No matter how low we put the bar they find a way to go beneath it. These fuckers will be digging for years.

I think it was Kajem who said to me once something like "Even though we expect it we're still shocked at how low they really go".

((NIK))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5383 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I have a noon one-on-one scheduled with the family therapist to discuss my concerns.

Salient points:
1. Wasband is lying/withholding information from DD.

2. I cannot continue to sit in joint therapy with him, presenting a united front to DD when he is actively lying/obfuscating. I refuse to be a party to it.

3. Since he is planning to remarry, his gf/finace/whatever will be DD's stepmother, and will necessarily be part of her family. She should be part of the family therapy as well.

4. I will not put DD through the stress of trying to navigate therapy sessions with me, wasband, and future SM in the same room, nor will I put myself through it. The focus should be on DD and nowhere else.

I'll be asking her to accommodate separate weekly sessions, as they do for many other divorced parents and blended families. I do not foresee any issues with them doing this, although there may be some adjustment period while working an additional session into her calendar.

Following this conversation, I'll be visiting DD this evening and will brief her on the new schedule for therapy. The therapist can notify wasband.

Fingers crossed.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Sorry for my delay in offering you support. There are so many issues to comment on in this current event I am not sure where to start!

So here goes:

This smells like BS on his part. I have never heard of any man wearing an engagement ring. This is a way to create some drama on his part.

Who gets engaged while their child is in intensive treatment? I know most moral, decent people would be concentrating on the well being of their child, not on their romantic life! This engagement could not wait until DD was in a better place?

This is a way to put the focus on how important he is in the whole family drama. Okay I know this sounds weird but as long as he pulls stunts like this the focus (good or bad) will shift to him and his behavior.

It is another opportunity for him to prove how selfish you are to try to interfere with his happiness.

You have no idea what he has told his new victim...oops meant fiance.
You ex, like mine is the king of spinning an amazingly credible story in the short term.

Take care of your children. This will unravel for the NPD jerk.

Take care NIK!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Mar 2004
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Thanks for the support, rising.

As an update - I talked with the family therapist yesterday. She was, to put it mildly, taken aback by Wasband's actions - particularly by him going public on Facebook a month ago, and not telling the kids. She wholly supports separating the family sessions so that wasband and I are no longer attending together. Thank. Heavens.

I'll have a more detailed update after tomorrow's session where we're laying it on the line with wasband. If you're so inclined, keep DD and DS in your thoughts as they pick their way through this.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Keeping the three of you in my thoughts.

I would have a hard time not lighting Wasband on fire tomorrow, but you are much classier and controlled than I.

(((NIK)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16253 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Don't go giving my any ideas, Razzie.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24355 | Registered: Aug 2011
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

(((NIK)))
Hope the session goes well and I'm glad to hear that the therapist sees the situation the same way that you do.

I feel for your son......That wasband of yours is a real shit.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7672 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

I volunteer to keep the firemen away if you set him on fire.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

I volunteer to keep the firemen away if you set him on fire.

Me too!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1989 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 67