Topic: Finally Over. What's next?
Member # 39867
| Posted: 5:14 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
It's been 295 days since my WH met the OW. And, Lord knows how difficult the past 295 days have been. But, after prayers, tears and many fights finally this past Monday my WH contacted the OW and told her that he no longer wanted to be in any form of contact with her and that they needed to do the right thing. I am so happy that this happened because our 2 year anniversary is Sunday so it's perfect timing.. Although I'm happy and, look forward to all we have in our future now. It's difficult because so much reminds me of the OW. I honestly probably have it in the back of my mind 24/7 and it's a very hard thing to break because all the memories, all the words he said, all the pictures he took just flood my mind. I honestly think it'd be so much easier if I NEVER found out, never found the pictures, the receipts or any of it. But, the most difficult thing is going to be confronting his family. Who so easily accepted the OW into their lives and completely dropped my son and I from their lives. I have talked to my WH and told him that I will not be letting my son into their lives so easily after the way they completely disrespected me and my son. I cant just open my heart to a group of people that don't respect the vows I took or that I welcomed them into my son's life for them to just be so cruel and rude. To be completely honest I wish I never had to see them again in my life. My family can so easily forgive my WH and just forget it happened and welcome him back into our lives but I can't do it that easily. How do I just forget? How do I stop all these triggers? They are killing me inside... I just don't know what to do...
Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 25144
| Posted: 9:44 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
So sorry you are here, but glad you found us. Are you sure WH ended with OW? He cheated after 1 year of M?
No, it would't have been easier had you never known. Your M would have suffered, you would have sensed it, but not known what you were sensing. Not knowing would have dragged it on and on. Knowing is better, b/c then you can deal with it.
Drop his family...they are not friends of the M. You can reevaluate later on if you want them in your life. They took in OW, knowing he was M to you? What a bunch of trash. If you keep a relationship with them, the drama will continue.
In the meantime, read the Healing Library. You will it in the yellow box at the upper left hand corner of your screen. You will get a lot of help there.
Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!
Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 39867
| Posted: 11:06 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
I am very sure. He has completely deleted her from his phone and, even told his cousin that he sent her the message that it was over and he didn't want to contact her anymore. Plus he broke down to me the night before crying and freaking out. He couldn't believe what he did and that I was still here and, He didn't want to ever lose me and he knew what he had to do to make sure he didn't and now all the time he tells me what he is doing on his phone and, it isn't locked anymore.
But, his family.... I don't want to face them. How do I look at them? How do I go to their house for Christmas when I know she was there last year? It makes me so angry! Especially his sister...
She said to me..
"YOU NEED TO PROVE THAT YOU HAVE CHANGED TO US"
I might not have been the best wife but I'm young and I didn't have an affair for 10 months! I don't have to prove anything to anyone in my life except my husband. They have no idea the trauma that this has caused me. I'm back on antidepressants and anxiety mecidine. I didn't have anyone here with me to cope except my 3 year old son. I live hours from my family because we are military and it was the most horrific experience of my life. How do I just get over it>?
Me - BS 25.
Him - WH 27.
M. - 2011.
D-day - 9.26.12
Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 34319
| Posted: 2:25 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
You don't just get over it. And you don't need them in your lives. Set up healthy boundaries for yourself and your son. These people sound toxic and clueless. You don't need to prove anything to them. You and your WH need to deal with them as a team. Take care.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 37184
| Posted: 10:03 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
you, do not need to prove anything to your inlaws.
You are not the cheater.
Screw them and their nastiness and cut them out of your life.
How horrible they had this person in their home and now you have to prove something? i dont think so.
While my inlaws did not contact with OW, they cut me out of their lives as soon as wh and i separated. After being "part of the family" for over 20 years.
Boy, what a favor they did me!! I am so happy not to have them in my life anymore. WH and i are back together, but they remain out of our lives. He see's them on Christmas. They made the choice by their own behavior.
Dont cow to them. Discuss with your h how to deal with them in a manner that still allows him to see them, but it would have to be on a limited basis. It was their choice to put you both in this position, not yours.
Good luck and take care
Posts: 634 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Member # 34918
| Posted: 11:19 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
I went through this with my SIL. My IL's were great but my SIL thinks the sun shines out of her brother's ass so she went on a Facebook crusade to bad mouth me to anyone who would listen and put her butt into any conversations not concerning her.
When WH and I reconciled, I made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with his sister. She honestly thought that after running her mouth and befriending OW that when WH and I reconciled, everything was going to be hunky dory again. Boy, did she get a rude awakening. I didn't speak to her for months, and then SHE was cheated on by her boyfriend. Suddenly, she understood where I was coming from and she came to me and apologized up and down. We are better now but I can honestly say I will never forgive her for what she did and I hold her at arm's length. I will never trust her.
There are also a few other family members that I am polite to in public, but I do not associate with - same reason, they felt the need to involve themselves in my marriage.
You need to cut off the in-laws... they are HIS parents, not yours and you don't need that crap.
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3
On the fence... do I stay or do
Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
|Topic Posts: 6|| |