Topic: My Coco crossed the Bridge last night
Member # 32948
| Posted: 9:24 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
I had to make the hardest decision of my life last night. I had to let my sweet little yorkie cross the Bridge. My Coco was a rescue girl who was 10 years old when I got her. She had a tough first 10 years as she was severely abused, had a broken hip, had heartworms that enlarged her heart and she was deaf. Whoever had her before me never played with her, they must of kicked her because she was terrified of feet, she had no clue what toys were and they let her teeth rot. She was born deaf but she was a smart baby.
I got her in October 2011 and I adopted her because she was deaf. I felt a connection to her when I first saw her. I am disabled and so was she, we were perfect for each other. It took her months to trust me enough to sleep on my bed. She was so cute because being deaf she didn't bark..she talked. She would make noises in her throat that sounded like she was talking. She let you know if she needed something like to go out to potty. She was who I talked to and cried to during my divorce. She never left my side if I was sick. She became so close to me that when I got ready to go someplace she knew it and would run to the door to go with me.
I kept her alive for a year after different vets told me to put her down. As long as she showed her little happiness to see me I would not put her to sleep. She started having congestive heart failure from the damage the heart worms did. She was on meds for a year and they worked until Sunday. I rushed her to the Doggie ER and they gave her oxygen and a shot of Lasix, she had fluid in her lungs. When I got her home and put her on my bed she fell flat on her face. She was shaking and couldn't stand up. She also had cataracts and I think the oxygen took the last of her eye sight. I watched her decline for the next three days and prayed she would let go in her sleep. I think she struggled to live because she didn't want to leave me. Wednesday she was so bad that she had no light in her eyes and she kept looking at me like she was begging me to let her go.
I made the appointment with the vet to put her to sleep and I cried all the way there. I held her in my arms and cuddled her and kissed her. I told her how special she was and how much I loved her. I think she understood because she let me snuggle her which she seldom allowed. The vet looked at her and said she was ready to go, that she was in distress. I held her face so that she could see me as she fell asleep and then the gave her the final med to let her go.
I promised Coco that I would make sure that her final years were happy ones. I spoiled her with cute beds, clothes, treats but most of all I gave her love and made her see how special she really was. I know I did the right thing and I know she wanted to let go but it hurts so much to lose her. She was my little buddy and we spent all day every day together. Hell, I got rid of the x easier than letting go of Coco. I know that right now she is running and playing with all the dogs in doggie heaven and she isn't in pain anymore. I just wished I knew if she understood how special she was to me and how much I loved her. I only had her for 1 1/2 years but they were the best years for both of us.
Sorry for this post but I need to express this as a part of me feels like crap for putting her to sleep. I keep thinking that maybe I should have tried more meds or given her more time on the new med, that I put her down to soon, that she doesn't know how much I loved her, that I am a horrible person for doing this. I know she was ready but I wasn't. I miss her so much and can't stop crying.
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....
Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 33226
| Posted: 9:27 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
(((((soverybetrayed))))) I'm so very sorry.
You can call me NIK
"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
Posts: 24961 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 31528
| Posted: 9:31 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
I'm so sorry for your loss. You were a wonderful mom to Coco. I believe with all my heart that she knows just how much you love her.
Posts: 34653 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 4770
| Posted: 9:35 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
(((svb))) Coco sounds like a very special little girl. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my Lhasa, Buddy, a few years ago. I wasn't ready to let him go either and I still miss him. More than I ever missed my X. I imagine Buddy and Coco are running around together in a field full of toys and treats and comfy beds.
The pain will ease in time, I promise. Be gentle with yourself.
[This message edited by Thriving at 9:35 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]
"Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any of one of those is to lose all three." - Anon.
Posts: 4842 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Denver, CO
Member # 6449
| Posted: 9:38 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
((((soverybetrayed)))) My heart goes out to you in the loss of your beloved little friend. I've got two Chi's and I got all choked up reading your post. I am so glad Coco found you and had a wonderful life with you.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
Posts: 9693 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Member # 31349
| Posted: 9:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
You did the right thing every step of the way. She felt compassion and love every second she was with you. Please don't feel guilty for letting her rest - it sounds like it was her time and now she is at peace, knowing love and warmth in her very last moments.
Sending you hugs and strength. She will always be a part of you.
If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer
Posts: 16975 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 34835
| Posted: 10:15 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
My heart breaks for you
We've lost 3 babies within 10 months and it's absolutely crushing to your whole being. I wish there were something I could say or do to comfort you but I know there is not.
I'm sorry you feel bad for putting her to sleep. Please don't. You did what any loving parent would do and didn't want her to hurt anymore. I know it's hard to see that because you feel like you are controlling when she goes. You are not an awful person. Don't ever think that because you love her so much, you let her go.
You two were blessed with having each other. She knows you love her. They know we love them.
I know it's hard but if you haven't been to the Rainbow Bridge site, you should go. It made me happy and horribly sad. Happy that others loved their babies so much and sad because of everyone so lost and hurting.
If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. I'm sitting here crying for you. We all grieve differently but I know you are hurting very badly now. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 10:17 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]
Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 18449
| Posted: 10:54 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
You were a great mom to him! You did the right thing, in the end.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
ETA: *HER* Don't mind me, I'm an idiot.
[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 10:54 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]
Posts: 11596 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 11185
| Posted: 11:15 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
I'm so sorry. It is such a heartbreak to lose our sweet, furry companions.
Coco modeled unconditional for you her whole life, as you did to her. I know my pup truly is my soulmate.
Big hugs to you and Coco.
BW -- 57
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary
Posts: 413 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
Member # 25395
| Posted: 11:17 PM, July 18th (Thursday)|
I am sorry for your loss. However lucky Coco was to have someone love her so very much in her final years. What a special bind you formed. I know she felt that as you let her find peace.
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Posts: 1654 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 4:47 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
Believe me; she knew how much you loved her. (((((soverybetrayed)))))
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Posts: 20000 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 32122
| Posted: 6:52 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
So sorry for your loss.
Posts: 2792 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
Member # 4691
| Posted: 8:00 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
They do know how much we love them and think aboout how heavenly her life was those last years. You were a good mommy!
Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.
Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.
Posts: 5083 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
Member # 15906
| Posted: 8:05 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
Im so sorry. It's hard to lose a beloved pet even if we had them such a short while.
The last part...we all get it. The what ifs. It's tough to make that call, but knowing deep down the right one to end her suffering. I went through this very thing with my dog 8 months ago.
SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too
Posts: 1377 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
Member # 34086
| Posted: 8:07 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
Sorry for the loss of your Coco.
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 3859 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 2766
| Posted: 8:17 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
Having just put down my almost 13 year old golden retriever only last week I know exactly how you feel.
Do not feel guilty. Coco was in distress and likely would no longer be able to experience all of those happy times that you gave her.
How lucky Coco was to have been found by you. Her disabilities and her age may have made her difficult to place, but you took her in...and you taught her to love. Lucky doggie.
Maybe Coco and Charlotte are up there, together, running around with no pain at all.
You gave Coco the peace she needed. It's a very painful, but a very selfless act. You did right for your pet both in life and now in death.
I'm sorry for your pain.
Posts: 2565 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
Member # 14003
| Posted: 9:45 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
I'm very sorry
I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
Posts: 13719 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 32948
| Posted: 9:48 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
Thank you everyone for your kindness. It is so hard to make a decision to let a loved pet go but one that is necessary. I have played the last few moments of her life over and over every night. I am making myself remember how she shook so much those last 3 days and how she would sit up but kept her eyes closed. I don't know why she wouldn't open her eyes. I remember how all she did was sleep and she couldn't find her water in her bowl. I remember how she just laid in my arms before the vet came in and she let me hold her like a baby. She normally fought me if I tried to hold her that way. The worst part was that it was so fast, one minute she was sitting up looking at me and the next she was falling over going to sleep and then she was gone in like 2 seconds.
I understand in my head that I did the best thing for her and I honestly believe she was ready to go. It is my heart that refuses to stop hurting and missing her. I had planned for us to move to our own place next week and now I will be making that trip alone. It will be so lonely without her happy little paws following me around the house. Rest in Peace my lovely Coco.
[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 9:55 AM, July 19th (Friday)]
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....
Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 21101
| Posted: 9:57 AM, July 19th (Friday)|
It's such a hard thing to do. Know and be at peace that you did the right thing, and that she is no longer having any problems. Able to be her sassy Yorkie self. Chasing squirrels, and no longer afraid of feet.
She knew and knows you love her.
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy
Posts: 8145 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 30803
| Posted: 6:42 PM, July 19th (Friday)|
Please accept my heartfelt condolences at the loss of your beloved Coco. She was a special little lady indeed.
I'm so very sorry.
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.
Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Member # 16237
| Posted: 6:48 PM, July 19th (Friday)|
Posts: 1345 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 36711
| Posted: 9:14 AM, July 20th (Saturday)|
I'm so sorry.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 9772
| Posted: 10:49 AM, July 20th (Saturday)|
How wonderful that you found each other.
I know you miss her, but I 100% believe you did best by her.
"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers
Posts: 867 | Registered: Feb 2006
Member # 2027
| Posted: 2:23 PM, July 20th (Saturday)|
I'm so sorry for you.
You were NO DOUBT the best thing that ever happened to sweet Coco. You made her life safe, loving and peaceful.
I have had to make this same difficult decision in my life. And I have gone through the same replays in my mind for days and weeks after. It's so difficult.
The only thing that makes it better is time.
I do believe that our pets go on to heaven. I would like to share a story with you. This brought me so much comfort after I had to make this same decision for one of my dogs. I hope you find comfort in this story too.
In November of 2000 I had to put my dog to sleep. She was an American Cocker Spaniel named Molly. I had her since she was 8 weeks old. She was almost 16 when I made that difficult decision. She was suffering. She had cancer as well as many other health problems.
My grandfather died in May of 2001.
My husband (ex-now) was cheating at the time. So this was a very, very difficult time in my life.
Prior to my grandfather passing away, he was staying at a care facility. My youngest sister lived a short distance from this facility. She and her daughter would go and see my grandpa on a regular basis prior to his death. My niece at the time was about 2.
My niece and my grandfather had a close relationship. And she was too young to understand death & dying, etc.
After my grandfather passed away, my sister did not tell my niece. (again, too young to understand) she also was not told about Molly.
My sister began hearing my niece talking in her room at night. One night she went in and my niece was yelling. Not upset yelling, just loud talking/yelling. My sister asked her what was going on. My niece said, "Molly is here and she keeps jumping on my bed!" My sister gently continued the questioning and asked, "How did Molly get here?" And my niece said, "Grandpa Pete brings her to play with me." my sister continued with, "Where is Grandpa Pete?" and my niece pointed at the window and said, "Right there!"
I believe my dogs who have passed are with my grandfather. And for whatever reason, my niece could see them together. When my sister told me that story, it brought me such peace. Molly used to love to jump on beds. But she hadn't been able to do that is such a long time due to her health problems. And knowing that she (and now other dogs) are with my grandfather) waiting for me is so reassuring.
I hope you too find the peace you so deserve for loving so unselfishly.
It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
Posts: 8001 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Member # 99
| Posted: 8:40 PM, July 20th (Saturday)|
First, huge hugs. My pets are my children, as I don't have any human ones. They have seen me through the gutting of infidelity, and gave me a reason to get up when I didn't feel like I could. Your little precious Coco did the same for you.
I believe God sends special pets to some of us because we can give them what they need, and vice-versa. You and Coco had that special gift from God.
I have to say that your tribute to Coco was one of the most beautiful I've ever read. Bless you for showing her kindness and love that she had never known. Bless her for bringing you joy and love when you needed it most.
And while it is the hardest thing you've had to do, bless you for ending her pain, even though you knew it would begin your own.
Huge hugs to you.
"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies
Posts: 2451 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Member # 28127
| Posted: 11:20 PM, July 20th (Saturday)|
I'm so sorry for your loss. Never question that she knew you loved her. I put my 7 month old German Shepherd pup to sleep in 2007 (hip/elbow dysplasia). One quote that I've thought of often is:
'I let you go, not because I didn't love you, but because I loved you too much to make you stay.'
I hope it brings you a bit of comfort. You gave her the greatest gift - one of love and no more pain.
[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 11:20 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]
Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11
Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Member # 39409
| Posted: 1:50 PM, July 22nd (Monday)|
I'm so sorry for your loss, reading it, and the responses to your post have brought me to tears. I've had to make that journey several times and it is heartbreaking every single time.
I read a short story by Patty Hansen in chicken soup for the soul 2, talking about her dog Suki...A Best Friend for All Reasons. The last paragraph is very poignant: "People say that whe we die we are met on the other side by someone we know and love. I know who will be waiting for me...a little, round, black and white dog with an old face and a stubby tail that never stops wagging with joy at seeing her best friend again." Hugs to you during this time.
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.
Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 31094
| Posted: 11:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)|
I'm so sorry, soverybetrayed. Coco knew she was loved. And you were equally loved by her.
Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
|Topic Posts: 28|| |