SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: how to get the now exSO off my back
betterlife
New Member
Member # 36867
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Following on from my earlier posting re: 'the exclusivity assumption', many thanks for the feedback.

I have not responded at all to any of his texts. I thought I was quite clear on my intentions in my initial text when I said 'this is the end of the line for me.'

All day, I have been bombarded with texts from him related to blameshifting and projecting.

Not once has he attempted to call me. And not once has he apologized.

I think if he showed a bit more remorse or concern then I would consider engaging in a conversation with him. But, he hasnt.

He has reached his use-by-date and his texts are infuriating me. I believe I am making the right decision by ending things. But I dont know what to say besides telling him to f.o.

Since he insists on sending me texts, I feel I need to send a final text but I dont want him to think I now want to engage in a conversation at all. I'm done.

Examples of his texts:

'bcos u r not going out with me then i have to be in the market'

'hence u know i am not dating anybody'

'proves it to u'

'r u listening to me'

'what was i supposed to do'

'u there'

'i dont think u should be mad at me'

'r u saying that u have not gone out on a date in the last 4 months'

'why not respond'

'u know i am right'

[This message edited by betterlife at 8:47 AM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

I would probably respond with something like, "I am not interested. Best of luck on Match. Do not contact me again." and then total crickets.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Ignore and block. Don't sink to his level....that's what he wants.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6520 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Block him or keep ignoring him. If you respond, then he knows he can get to you, so he won't stop.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13726 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
DOH!  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 19th (Friday)

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

Do not engage in this ignoramoose.... you are so much better than him....and he knows it! (it shows by his constant texts) If he "TRULY" believed that he had done nothing wrong....than he wouldn't be sending you a billion messages trying to convince HIMSELF that he wasn't wrong! He got busted. Plain and Simple. He was being deceptive (by omission)
He knows it. You know it. Done. Overwith. Goodbye. NEXT!!!!!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:04 AM, July 19th (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Mandilwen
Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Yeah, keep ignoring and block. He sounds like my ex husband. I can give you a view of your future with this douchebag with an actual conversation I had with my ex:

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt
Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?
Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

Gawd! Can't believe I ever cried over that guy, lol! Live and learn I guess!


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt
Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?
Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

WOW.....just wow. What an ass!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Yeah don't hear much remorse in all that. Not even an apology.

Don't know about you....but with everything all of us have been through and learned here...aren't you done with unremorseful partners?


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Don't respond, as that may only encourage him, though he may get worse before he gets better (google "Extinction burst.") Just ignore, block if you can, and be thankful you got away before you got super attached or have any permanent ties!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Dec 2011
betterlife
New Member
Member # 36867
Question  Posted: 4:27 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

Many thanks for the responses.

He is still texting but this time he is saying that he is waiting for a response from me, and if I dont respond that he will turn up to my apartment.

Argh! This guys just doesnt get it.

What should I do?

I was thinking of texting something along the lines of:

"I have been civilized about this, and have made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. Quit the threats and back the fuck off."


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

Does he have a key? If so, get the locks changed.

If not, call the police as soon as he shows up. There is nothing that says "the lady's not interested" like the cops "persuading" him to leave your vicinity.

I actually think you should do this, then file harassment charges (because you have the police report as third party evidence). As someone who was cyber-stalked after I broke off a relationship, I recommend going a little overboard.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29591 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

Continue to ignore.

Otherwise, he knows that if he threatens to come to your house, you will talk to him.

Don't fall for the manipulation.

As Cat said, call the cops as soon as he shows up, if he does. Most likely he won't and he's assuming the threat will be enough to get you to talk to him and he'll then persuade you to go back to him.

Stay away from him! Don't engage!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Dec 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Hope things are alright. Your ex reminds me so much of XH when he was in the affair. I agree with those who say continue to ignore. Don't answer the door if he shows up. Call the police if needed. Might as well file a report against him with the police there.

Please check in when you get a chance.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Could someone explain what on earth is going on in his so-called brain? Here's a woman who has made it abundantly clear she no longer wants to communicate, but he insists?

Does he want to somehow convince you to take him in again? Even after you told him you're done and have ignored him completely? That makes no sense.

Or does he just want to try and win an argument with you about why he's not an asshole and you are?

There's nothing but ugliness from this guy. You've done nothing wrong. He was deceptive and dishonorable. I agree with those who say you shouldn't respond, and to call the police if he shows up at your door.

What a jerk


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

Update?


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
betterlife
New Member
Member # 36867
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

He's off my back.

I sent a final text:

"I've been civilized about this, and I've made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. This is the last time I'm going to tell you to not contact me ever again. Quit the threats and back off."

*** crickets ***

I havent heard a peep since.
And, no, he does not have a key either.

I feel so much better now.

Thanks so much for your comments.

[This message edited by betterlife at 7:42 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Whew. Glad to hear things have finally ended!! I was a bit worried.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
amitheow
Member
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

There is an app you can download. You can program it to what number you want to ignore. It will store all the texts and you can look at them later. It won't even alert you they came in. If he calls, the phone won't ring.

My friend had to get one for a particularly agressgive guy she was giving the heave ho.


Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.


Posts: 5084 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 18