New Beginnings
User Topic: Went on a date last night...
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Well I "met" someone in one of those dating sights. Yesterday I went on a date.

It went great! Tons of chemistry, we were supposed to go for just ice cream and we ended up having dinner.

He was so sweet so into me, so into "us" and a future and all, made me feel beautiful, sexy, smart.

So what's the problem?

I love my new independence MORE than being part of a couple again - at least for now!

There were some red flags,my age, and never married? ummmm, too into me, on first date?

I tend to over analyse things too... so I just don't know how to proceed, any ideas?

Do I see where it takes me? or do I listen to those red flags? and let him go now - before it gets complicated?

Separated - working on R

Posts: 451 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, July 19th (Friday)

I love my new independence MORE than being part of a couple again

Very gently here, but you aren't in a couple. You've had one date.

The purpose of a first date is to decide whether you want a second date.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13571 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 19th (Friday)

so into "us" and a future and all

The purpose of a first date is to decide whether you want a second date.

Amazonia hit the nail on the head. Talking about a "future" on the first date would freak me out.

I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.

Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)

It sounds like maybe he attaches too quickly? How did he seem prior to the date? Have you heard from him since?

I agree with Ama and Lies...

Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Wowy, zowy....he didn't pull out a ring did he?

In a seriousness, it was just a date. He probably is multidating(like you) and wanted you to feel special. Although, if you were talking about a future on the first date, maybe he is completely insecure and that's a red flag to me.

Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Must Survive
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Years ago after the breakup of my first marriage, I dated too soon. The first guy I met "rushed me" I was too inexperienced to see the red flags. Love was mentioned etc. Then after a couple of months, poof. I learned a valuable lesson. If they can fall in love that fast, they can fall out of love just as fast. It was one of the best lessons I learned, and even going through this infidelity mess, it helps me think straight.

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 673 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

Thank you everyone, Yes you guys are correct, it was just a date. and I do tend to over think and analyze things - but I think this time I gotta go with my gutt, just doesn't feel right.

But he freaked me out, the way he was so into me on first date, grabbing and wanting to kiss me out in public. I mean I am a very touchy feely person, but on the first date, in public? I am not even officially divorced - so that was going through my mind!!!

Texted me after I got home, and the next day, that he "could really see us together forever" that he "was never that comfortable with anyone EVER" etc.

Next day text me a couple more times, "Hi Babe, when can I see you?" and the sort...

The purpose of a first date is to decide whether you want a second date.

^^^ No I don't want second date, we definitely had chemistry, but I'm not ready for his intensity, and trust me, it was going to be intense, but I was just going to end up hurt again - I don't need that!

So I put a stop to it with him, and deleted my profile on the dating site. And let God handle it!

[This message edited by jackie89 at 6:59 AM, July 21st (Sunday)]

Separated - working on R

Posts: 451 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Oh the Irony
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

The "see us together forever" is yes, a red flag, and quite creepy.

You don't need to pull the plug though just because of one weirdo!

Two gorgeous boys, 14 and 8.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 43
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 734 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

Yikes! I think that guy should have just asked you out on a second date instead of marrying you in his head! Good grief.

So now you're the poofer. I agree you don't need to delete your profile just because of one over eager beaver. If you want to date, try it again! But I'm thinking maybe waiting until you are divorced wouldn't be a bad idea.

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

Definitely too fast on the familiarity level for a first date....I think you are right to heed the red flags on this one.

But it is good on the experience level for the future.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4379 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

After learning quite a bit about personality disorders, that behavior would have me running for the hills.

But PD or not it's too fast and very creepy. Like someone else said, a person that falls in "love" that fast likely falls out of it just as quickly.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 11